There was another court date on Friday, the 17th. Slept evaded me for almost two days. I can only assume that it was due to anxiety about being in the court with police officers but mostly because my attorney is full of crap. He personally told me that he was friends with the prosecutor and the judge???? What was the point???? He has not done a piece of work towards this case since he took my money and HE DID NOT SHOW UP IN COURT ON FRIDAY! I almost did not make it but I got ready and went to court. I had to take deep breaths constantly and I PRAYED!

Going to court on the 4th was an experience I will never forget.  We will dismiss all charges if you release the city of newark from all liability.  Admit Guilt and we will let you go.  But first it was a plea bargaining session...I REFUSED AND THE JUDGE ADVISED THAT IF FOUND GUILTY I COULD DO UP TO SIX MONTHS IN JAIL.  WTH!!!!  Trial is set for June 30th and I actually give up!!!!

I still am baffled with the excuses that come from the organizations that are running campaigns, soliciting for donations, and support for various causes, but if you ask for advocacy, you are denied.  The rationale that comes from various people are the same; "I'm sorry but we can't take on every case".  This is nonsense in that if your situation falls under that particular cause, then why can't they just add your name to the list?  I made another call to AI today after clicking once again on the stop the violence campaign and receiving another e-mail for me to support their cause.  Isn't their cause supposed to include my Cause?  If not, then WTH is the problem?  How do you pick and choose?

The worst part is that I have never asked for financial help, just advocacy!  Just to be able to have some backing from an organization that cares.  Someone that cares!

I'm tired of hearing alledged....I'm tired of hearing you have to get over it....and most of all I'm tired of hearing we can't take on every case...

My answer is: then stop asking me to take on every cause!!!!

I am not Super CKitty!

C.

As I look at myself in the mirror, I still see a tormented woman who is trying hard to regain her composure and release the spirit of fear and disgust that binds her.

Lo and behold, I was told today that the racist blue that assaulted me has a history of doing this to others....

The cover up has been for monetary purposes only.....It has been so that politicians and blues pockets stay fat while this woman's life has been turned upside down....

Everyone turned their backs...everyone!!!!

 

It doesn't matter if you're in jail for 1 to life, there are still psychological affects associated with being incarcerated.  The affects are more intrusive if you were brutalized or traumatized before, during, and after the incarceration.  The systems are a vicious circle to deal with and when they are dead set on covering things up, your already almost non-existent self is put under additional stress and your life is not your life any longer, but you are now a victim who has been victimized by the systems.  After these events, you are oftentimes placed on medication due to suffering from other disorders such as post traumatic stress disorder.  Everyone's psyche is different and therefore have different reactions to being victimized, but for myself, it was the worst nightmare of my life.  The vitality and exuberance I had for life no longer exists and it is literally taking my all to remain as positive as possible although I continue to hit brick walls on my quest for justice and planning this rally is draining but I will prevail.  I don't know if I will ever be the same again.  I still scream at night!!!!