When someone is forced into being single by either divorce, betrayal or even widowhood, it is not a pleasant journey. The grieving part is the lead indicator and makes the passage from being in a committed relationship to being single and alone. Once the grieving part is past and the issue that "forced someone into being single" is gone, then one must find their own way around. Questions like, "should I do that"; "how do I do that"; "how do I fix that"; "where do I get that information" and simply "now what do I do" all come to mind for me. It seemed as if at first I was turning in circle never feeling like I was making progress. I made terrible financial mistakes with my money trying to get divorced, and make my way. I spent too much, made the divorce so costly due to the amount of emotional betrayal I felt. I spent energy and time on "him" instead of on me. I bought what I wanted whether I "needed" it or not. I went where I wanted to regardless of what I could afford. I charged my way to happiness so I thought. Now that my head has cleared, and the emotional fog is gone, I am able to see that now I must "dig" myself out of this mess I put myself in. I remember my southern gentlemen father saying to me as a child, "Darlin' if you find yourself in a pile of crap, keep digging there's a pony in there somewhere". So I am in my pile of crap and I know in my heart there is a pony in there some where. So, I dig on but with a happy heart, a clear purpose and an understanding that I am going to be ok and live "happily ever after" with myself...
Thank you, Patt, for this forum of expression that you have provided.
It coincides with somthing i've been wondering lately, and that is, that i'm starting to think that some people, for the reasons they have been shaped in their growth and journey in life, including me, are built to live as single individuals.
As for me, an only child of two only children from Europe, thus from the smallest of families and without sibling/cousin experience, cloistered and groomed for the concert stage as a classical pianist, not around peers recreatively except in class settings until college, i admit to being utterly lame still (in my early 50's) about being even a 24/7 partner, let alone being a wife (forget the mother part from the gate). Yes, i embrace living single, am happy for time i get to be alone to putter on projects, and am glad to be alive at a time when this life choice is not stigmatized or taboo!
It is so funny that just months ago I was so upset that I was single; I felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone. Since then I have realized that being single is actually in my favor, and I am loving it. I don't have any children or anyone to "check in" with so my time is my time. I don't have any pointless arguments where halfway you forget what you are arguing about in the first place. If I see something I want I buy it. I don't have to call anyone and ask for permission before I do something. Best of all with all the great guys out there I am free to date them all. So as you can see being single is actually a blessing in disguise that I am grateful for each day. Live it up girls while you can--Eat, drink and be merry I know I will be.
I want to thank everyone who reads and contributes to this group. You are the best!
