Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a type of anxiety disorder that can develop after experiencing a very traumatic or life-threatening event. The group is for everyone who has experienced trauma and wants a forum for talking about it.
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This has to be a safe place for trauma survivors to post. Please be kind and supportive to one another. Inflammatory or harmful posts will be deleted. Repeat offenders will be banned. No preaching or putting pressure on each other, please. Take care of each other and be nice. Thanks for joining this group!
I have been dealing with PTSD for about 50 years now, and it isn't easy. Everyday I have the demons in my head telling me to think in the way I don't want to think. I wake up from nightmares with feelings that I have a hard time getting rid of. I try so hard to please everyone and do everything for everyone because that is the way to not get them to yell at me or get angry at me. But I think by doing that it pushes people away because I am trying so hard to keep them close to me. I try to tell people my feelings and ask them how they feel towards me, to push away the feelings I have. I am a very emotional and sensitive person. At certain times without me knowing it but I just cry at the drop of a hat. I know some people would like me to not be that way and they try to change me or tell me to grow up. But you know, they aren't me and the only thing I can do is learn to work with everything going on. It gets so overwhelming most times since I have been going through this so long, that I just want to give up. I don't want to try anymore and I have through the years tried to commit suicide a couple of times. I am a cutter too. I haven't done that in about 4 years now and I am so glad of that. I do take medications that make me tired and makes me gain weight but I really think it helps, even though I don't like taking medications. My Aunt many years ago was on so many kinds of medications for different ailments. She had to go in for a Gall Bladder operation and they strapped her down and took her off of the meds. and she was never the same. I am glad they don't do that anymore, as long as you work with every doctor you go to. From your primary to your Mental Health Doctor. I see a Therapist and a Mental Health Doctor now and through the years. You definitely help. My therapist deals with PTSD so he can tell me things about what I am feeling. And my Mental Health Doctor works in a VA Hospital so he sees PTSD all the time. Whew! I think I am finish but I just want to know that I work everyday to take care of myself but there are times that I cant'. But that is Okay.
I have had PTSD for as long as I can remember, but I didn't know I had it until after high school when I finally decided to stick to my therapy meetings for my depression. I actually suffer from reoccurring major depression, PTSD, OCD, Torette's Syndrome, & general panic disorder due to abuse as a child. Saying that it effects my everyday life would be the understatement of the century. I can not drive for fear of having a panic attack, I have sever insomnia, I have an obvious "tick", I feel extreme paranoia around strangers, I have nightmares and have been told several times that I scream & cry in my sleep, I have random outburst of anger, I can't stand physical contact from anyone outside of my immediate family, I often overreact to sounds, I'm extremely impulsive, I stay tired & weak. It amazes me how little compassion people have for people like me. I developed a facial & neck "tick" when I was in middle school and I was constantly bullied. My teachers did nothing about it. They thought that I was just acting out to get attention. No one wants to be stared at like some kind of freak. No one wants people to be afraid of them because they are different. In high school my teachers were convinced that I was on drugs because my hands shook and my eyes were bloodshot and droopy. I got very depressed and I tried to commit suicide. There was a hook in my closet that could hold me (I only weighed 115 lb) and I found a thick cord and made a noose. I actually hung myself. I couldn't breath, my eyes felt like they were popping out of my head, and it was VERY painful. By some miracle I reached a box with my toe and knocked it over. I stood on it until I could untie the cord. I had the bruises around my neck for a while. After that I was put on Doxepin. It made me feel like I was in a dream all the time. I blacked out often and other times it felt like my body was acting on it's own. I remember walking around my school during class; I was confused and I had no sense of time. Once I waited for the bus in the clothes that I slept in. I hadn't even put on shoes or combed my hair. I had mud in between my toes. The bus driver told me that I should go back to bed, so I did. I just crawled under the covers with mud all over me. I quit taking the pills when I poured pesticide into a Dr Pepper can and drank it. I was lucky not to have had my stomach pumped. I started smoking pot and it seemed to help, but it is illegal and some of the people close to me gave me a hard time about it so I stopped. Now, I'm not taking nothing or even seeing my psychologist (because my co-pays are too expensive). I'm just trying to cope the best that I can.
my story what happen to me in 05 when my mom was not home she had went to go get one my sister from work and my sister ex husband brother came in the house and held me at knife point and rape me and came back 2 days later and tryed to rape me again and he told me if i told anyone or my mom and my dad what he done to me he would come kill me and my mom and my dad and i got so down and depressed that i stoped eating and lost alot of weight and did not care if i lived or died i waited 2 years to tell anyone what he done to me i told my mom and my dad 07 what he done to me in 05 because i was close to having a neverous break down because i was not sleeping at night because i was having really bad nightmares and flash backs about what happen to me and i met my only true love in life in 08 and got married june 6-09 and have been married almost 6 months and i am gainging back all the weight i lost before i was raped i weighted 120 and got down to 85 pounds and my weight is up to 116 i am almost to my goal weight what my doctor wants me to get up to and still going through alot having alot of health trouble since i got married i have 3 disorders because what happen to me one is ptsd and the other one is major depressive disorder and i can't spell the other one i have a diease called endometriosis its not from what happen to me but its very painful diease there is no cure or treament for it that really works it has 4 stages i am stage 2 or 3 i call it endo its almost like cancer but its not it grows back like cancer and the only thing they can do is keep doing surgery on me i have had one surgery so far but i think i might need a scond one here soon i live in very severe pain everyday sorry this is so long but i am trying to get the word out about this diease becaues only women and teen girls get this diease its nothing that u do to make u get it they don't know what causes it my mom had it and one my sister might have it and also one my couins i hope this don't get me kicked out of this group talking about this look it up the diease again its called endometriosis if anyone wants to look it up i would do anything it takes to save teen girls and anyone women that might have it so they don't have to go through all the pain and suffering the diease u have to live with the rest ur life and right now i am suffering in severe pain my doctors are treating me like i am a drug seeker when i am not one i just need something to help me and pain meds are the only thing that help me i sometimes wish i was dead because i am having to live in so much severe pain and no one will listen to me but don't get me wrong i would nerver kill myself i love my husband to much and it would kill him if i did thats it for now