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Love
01/25/11

As you can image my wife and I relationship is put to the test each and everyday. We seldom see each other. The time spent is brief and its between Chrissy scooping cat boxes ,cleaning and feeding the kitties. The ban of having no help is destroying my wife. She has lost her life. Her life is the kitties. Her unconditional love for them enables her to move ahead everyday. It’s hard to accept the fact that the cats have to come over our marriage in order to maintain a clean, safe environment for them. People have asked me “ Why do you stay” ? Because even tho I do not have a traditional marriage to my wife were there is quality time spent together and all the perks and benefits one excepts in a marriage there is a deep bond of love for her deep in my soul. She is my wife when I took my vows “For better or for Worst” I vowed I will live by them until the day we are no more. I know I have many selfish faults but each day I try to become a better man and I’m not always successful. That is why I try to put her needs and the needs of the cats above my own selfish desires. My heart is in pain for Chrissy, the way she works non stop, the powerlessness I feel because I can not seem to get any relieve for her daily drudgery. The physical pain she endures on a daily basic with her rheumatoid arthritis and the 3 rupture discs in her back from 3 car wrecks , she was in when she was younger, brings to me to cry out to God and ask for mercy for her and I feel anger when none is given. She is a frail woman with the inner strength of a 1,000 men. I take the full blunt of her anger and resentment she feels for me, because I said . Yes when I should have said no in taking in the last 100 kitties under our care. I too have taken her life away. I long for the days that we may become one and share and laugh and cuddle as a married couple. I stay because the deep love I have for my wife which I cannot express in a traditional way and the love I have for the cats. My daily actions speaks louder than my words. Because when I open up my mouth over my own personal anger and resentments, I hurts the one I love. I pray for God to hold my tongue so that I may not increase her burdens. But half the time it does not work. We put the kitties first. They are helpless and we are their care givers. there are 250 hearts beats at stake here and that’s why we are one from afar.