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How to Avoid Being Socially Awkward
2 years ago
Avoid Being Socially Awkward

Socially awkward moments happen to everyone; it's how you recover and move beyond such moments that makes the difference between wanting to sink into the floorboards or simply brushing it off as a passing glitch. Social awkwardness comes from a sense of not appearing "normal" or "socially clued in" under the glare of others. Partly generated by our own fears and worries of what others think of us, partly generated by social expectations and how we interpret these, social awkwardness can prevent us from fully interacting with others out of fear of being ridiculed or even ostracized by our peers.

     Please stay tuned for the next installment.....

2 years ago

If you're afraid of being caught in awkward situations or of coming across as socially awkward to others, there are some good reasons not to be. Everyone has to learn how to deal with social embarrassment at times and even if you're more socially awkward than the average person, there are tried and tested ways to overcome feeling socially awkward. Some of these ways are explored in this article.

2 years ago
Steps

1. Realize that you're not alone.

The reality is that most of us worry about exactly the same things when in public, especially about whether other people like us, whether we're making a good impression or whether others are bored by us. In fact, many of our worries probably cancel each other out given we're on similar wavelengths! At one time or other, most people experience moments of shyness, embarrassment at slips of the tongue, awkward bodily noises, messing up a conversation or struggling to connect with another person. However, if you're feeling like this all of the time, it could be because you're over-analyzing any social situation, which can make it seem much worse than it actually is.

2 years ago

Try to source your feelings of social awkwardness.



For many people who experience intense social awkwardness, the feelings stem from anxiety, fear, insecurity or low self-confidence. Each of these sources can be tackled if you're willing to push your boundaries a little at a time and to find ways to build your confidence. But there may be other reasons for feeling self-conscious, such as having had a bad past experience, feeling that you're not with people who are enough like yourself or who understand you, being an introvert (which is different from feeling shy), feeling compelled to interact in situations because of work, peer or parental pressure, etc. that you would not ordinarily subject yourself to, or feeling confused about the motivations and actions of those around you. In each case, try to identify the root cause of what's making you feel awkward so that you can address it directly.

2 years ago

Being shy can really inhibit your social interactions. It is important to seek proven ways to overcome shyness, whether through your own learning or through getting help. See How to overcome shyness for more information and realize that shyness is perfectly treatable.

2 years ago

Being an introvert is considered to be different from being shy, although both traits can be found in the same person. Introverts prefer to shun the spotlight, to keep out of many social situations because they're draining and because the introvert is fulfilled through more internal interaction than an extrovert would enjoy. A shy person, on the other hand, wants to participate in many social events but is afraid of being embarrassed or left out.

2 years ago

Social anxiety is a severely limiting condition or anxiety-based disorder in which a person is not able to function in daily life, including at school, work or social events. A person suffering from social anxiety tends to keep close to family and trusted friends and avoid all public interpersonal relationships. Social anxiety stems from a constant fear that other people are scrutinizing the sufferer in order to humiliate or embarrass them. If you suffer from social anxiety, it is important to get proper professional help, as it's not likely that you'll be able to overcome this alone. As with shyness, social anxiety has an excellent prognosis for treatment.

2 years ago

Once you've identified the feelings that lead to awkwardness in social situations for you, start trying to acknowledge these feelings whenever they arise.



By being more aware of your own bodily sensations when you're feeling awkward and anxious, you can consciously recognize that your adrenalin is flooding you and causing you to want to run or hide. When this happens, learn to tell yourself: "I am having an anxiety reaction, I am going to be okay. I will act calmly." The more self talk that recognizes the anxiety, the more you will start to get it under control.

2 years ago

Important! If you suffer from some form of social anxiety that is above and beyond the normal first time jitters almost everyone experiences, realize that your biological makeup has some influence in your over-reaction but also that you can learn to control this aspect. Do not put it down to your being a bad or unsociable person! While your anxiety is irrational, your bodily reactions are real and you must learn to separate the two when learning how to calm your anxiety, so that you don't blame yourself but do change the behavioral response.

2 years ago

Increase your confidence.



Even if you don't feel confident, you can either fake it until it grows on you or you can remind yourself to be friendly as much as possible. It is definitely hard to find confidence in situations that bring up fears, anxiety, panic and a desire to hide or run away. However, asking yourself "what's the worst that could happen?" and trying to do at least one thing to engage with others around you is a good start.

2 years ago

Read How to build your self confidence for suggestions on improving your personal confidence. Don't rush it; building confidence takes times and involves backward steps as well as forward ones, as you find your own comfortable social niche. Take your time to grow into a more confident self.

2 years ago

Read How to calm your nerves. Dealing with your nerves around others is important because nervousness affects our demeanor (body language) and even if we don't open our mouths, other people can read "socially awkward" into our features. Since it can be hard work dealing with a perceived "socially awkward person", vibes to this effect may discourage many people from hanging around to find out. It's important not to misinterpret this as dislike; it's an equal sense of awkwardness on their behalf and one where you can learn to use body language skills to set people at ease. See also How to look approachable.

2 years ago

Be friendly.




Assuming that someone else wants to connect with you and assuming the best about them from the start allows you to be more open and friendly toward other people. While it's true that no matter how friendly you are, some people will respond as if their mouth and mind are perpetually soured, this isn't a reason to scuttle off or blame yourself. By being friendly you will put others at ease, find ways to break the ice and give others less friendly the freedom to be more open and vulnerable around you. If you're not used to being friendly, try it. It will grow on you as you realize that it's a lot easier than maintaining a wary, cautious and non-trusting front all the time.

2 years ago

2 years ago

A friendly demeanor can help to put others at ease in your presence. Smile, make eye contact without staring, appear relaxed and use open gestures (for example, keep your arms unfolded rather than crossed).

2 years ago

When meeting someone for the first time, be friendly and rely on asking open-ended questions. Avoid asking anything too personal to avoid appearing nosy or having them be nosy back.

2 years ago

Being friendly doesn't mean being gullible. Maintain your sense of awareness about people who display worrying behavior, such as aggression, lewdness or bullying and look after yourself above all.

2 years ago

Be less concerned about what other people think of you.




Most people are worrying what others think of them, which is something worth reminding yourself when you start to worry about what other people think of you. Moreover, some people will be nasty, petty and sarcastic as a matter of fact, regardless of who you are or your achievements; for such people, such negative behavior is often a defense mechanism they use to get over their own feelings of insecurity, awkwardness and discomfort. As such, it's not actually personally directed at you but is an outward sign of inward turmoil. Don't take it to heart; do continue to share the best of yourself without worrying what others think.

2 years ago

Some people have negative thoughts about other people as a means for never having to question their own shortcomings. You will never change the way this kind of person thinks; instead, realize that they're too hooked on blaming others to see how their negative comments probably reveal most about their own weaknesses.

2 years ago

Lighten up.



Random unpleasant and downright embarrassing things happen. In our imperfect world, the odds of some things making us look or feel foolish are just as much in existence as those things we choose to see as showing ourselves in a more dignified, graceful or appropriate light. Often we don't have control over awkward situations, such as the long silent gap in a conversation that just goes on interminably, the inelegant and noisy passing of wind when we least expect it and the trip over the edge of the rug as we walk up to accept an award from our peers. These things happen but they are not a reason to find ourselves wanting. They are a reason to accept your humanness and the fact that life is random and at times imperfect. To deal with this fact, lighten up and see the funnier side of awkward moments. Not only will doing so help you to place such occurrences into better perspective but humor will often break tension among all present, allowing people to laugh with you, not at you, and to pass the awkward moment without further ado.

2 years ago

Laughing at your own behavior when something daft happens shows people that the situation isn't really that serious and taps into common consciousness. And look at people who really know how to make fun of the shortcomings in life, namely comedians. The likes of Rowan Atkinson, Charlie Chaplin and your favorite local comedian will help you to realize that feeling awkward can be turned into an amusing asset.

2 years ago

Focus on the positives.



While socially awkward moments can tend to make us focus on everything that is going wrong at that time, it is helpful to deliberately make yourself focus on the positives. What is good about things around you right now, even though you might be wanting the ground to swallow you up? Pinpointing some positives can help restore your perspective about how minimal the awkward occurrence is in the greater scheme of things.

2 years ago

For example: Jenny has just tripped over a carpet edging the dance floor after finishing her dance with Brad. She falls flat on her face. Jenny could decide to burst into tears at the imperfect end to a perfect dance. Instead, she realizes that the carpet edge was impossible to see and that she has at least made it obvious to everyone else to be careful. Moreover, she has just finished a wonderful dance with Brad and he is already kneeling by her side offering to help her stand up. She accepts his hand graciously (he is such a gentleman!), she beams a big smile at the worried on-lookers and says with a wry look, "Wow, that's some trippy finale to an amazing dance––watch the floor folks!" Everyone else breathes a sigh of relief because they didn't know whether to laugh or look away, and she has just let them choose the tension-relieving option. Jenny realizes it'll all be forgotten within five minutes and gets on with her night. (After note: Brad is so smitten by Jenny's graceful attitude in the face of adversity that he realizes he wants to spend his whole life with this resilient person and proposes to her the next day.)

2 years ago

Use self talk to move through feeling socially awkward.



Self talk will help you to shift the focus from worrying about what others are thinking of you and back onto calming yourself so that you can project a sense of ease with yourself. Some of the things that can be helpful in overcoming moments of social anxiety include:

2 years ago

2 years ago
  • My anxiety is distorting my thinking.

  • I am paying too much attention to my bad feelings in my body.
2 years ago
  • It's only my anxiety chemicals making me feel this way; the reality is that everything is fine.

  • I can get on top of my anxiety.
2 years ago

Positive words can help a great deal too. Say positive things to yourself such as: "I'm fine" "People are nice and I'm having fun being around them", "People seem to like what I am saying or doing", "I am here to enjoy myself".

2 years ago

Learn to relax.




Relaxation is not a one-off; it's a lifelong practice. As such, learning to relax should begin at home, where you're most comfortable. Practice deep (diaphragmatic) breathing to overcome moments of anxiety, do relaxing exercises, stretches and even daily meditation to strengthen your ability to tap into a relaxed state whenever it's needed. Then start taking your relaxation knowledge and applying it to your public life as well. In particular, breathing deeply and slowly can help to keep you calm whenever you feel assaulted by too much social input and anxiety. Being mindful about situations will eventually help you to feel more socially at ease.

2 years ago

Give yourself recovery space.




Not all socially awkward situations will be resolved with a laugh and some deep breathing. There may be times when the embarrassment, pain or fraught emotions are just too much to deal with in the public sphere and for your own sake and possibly that of others, it is best to simply exit. By giving yourself space to recover, you can cool down and get over being flooded by anxiety.

2 years ago

Try very hard to stop yourself from simply running off in tears or yelling. Apologize quickly and say that you need a moment/need the bathroom/need fresh air, etc. and leave at an even, normal pace. If you can, it is also a good idea to say that you will return shortly to finish any incomplete conversation or discussion.

2 years ago

If the socially awkward moment has involved getting into a heated argument, it is perfectly acceptable to break it off and say that you're going off to cool down briefly. Promise the person that you will resume an amicable discussion when you feel less charged up. This is not cowardly; indeed, it takes great courage to recognize when you need to back out temporarily and gather your thoughts and rein in your anger or anxiety.

2 years ago

It can take a good hour to calm down after being flooded with anxiety. Take your time. If this means that an event will be over before you feel better, have a friend send a message along to apologize on your behalf for not returning.

2 years ago

Be kind to yourself.


Being socially awkward is not a state of being, it's a temporary phase. You will move through any particular incident and you will experience many more positive experiences in its place. Everyone stuffs up now and then and everyone has at least one mortifying experience they can recount. It's a sign of self-respect and self kindness that you can look back on such occasions with a wry smile and realize that it didn't break you but is now a rather entertaining dinner table tale. Be careful not to heighten the relevance of one bad occasion and apply it to your general impression of social interactions; focus as much as possible on all of the social interactions that you have enjoyed, that have worked out just fine, no matter how bland or ordinary. And as part of being kind to yourself, realize that socializing involves learning skills; don't be hard on yourself if for any reason you missed learning those skills somewhere along the line. They can be learned at any time in life, provided you're willing to give them a go:

2 years ago

Small talk – this is the oil of conversation and if you don't get any deeper than this with most people you meet, that's fine because it is often all anyone expects.

2 years ago

Conversation – finding topics for conversation can be as simple as listing some good ones, storing them in your head and drawing on them when needed. If you're stumped for conversation topics, this simple act can save you a lot of angst.

2 years ago

Jokes – telling a joke at the wrong time can blow your "social cred" right out of the water and leave you looking awkward. Yet, telling one at just the right time, with just the right tone can smooth over even the most tense moment.

2 years ago

Compliments



keep them sincere and drop them at the right moments. If you're not genuine, don't compliment. If you don't know whether or not the moment is right, let it be. However, if you're a beginner in complimenting, do watch others for timing of compliments and follow suit.

2 years ago

Get out there.



Staying at home, behind your computer screen, hidden behind your cubicle barrier or dodging lunch dates won't help you to avoid socially awkward moments. Instead, you'll be building up for one because you're allowing yourself to be perpetually out of practice socially. Rather than hiding, be bold and get out and socialize more often. You don't have to be the talk of the town but at least start going to engagements that interest you and having short but interesting conversations with people you like being around. Start off with people you trust and like and slowly expand your socializing to include people you're less familiar with.

2 years ago

Rather than hiding, be bold and get out and socialize more often. You don't have to be the talk of the town but at least start going to engagements that interest you and having short but interesting conversations with people you like being around. Start off with people you trust and like and slowly expand your socializing to include people you're less familiar with.

2 years ago

Socialize in small doses. Socializing is not a marathon, competition or exam. It's about connecting, enjoying and living to the full. If you only ever like a little socializing, that's just fine, just so long as you do socialize a little.

2 years ago

Realize that some people are snobby or standoffish. They are not the norm, nor do they represent a reason for hiding away. For such people, learn a simple way of detaching yourself with dignity, such as a quick nod and an "it was nice to meet you" before swiftly turning your back on them. Do not let such encounters ruin all of your social experience––there is always someone worth meeting socially.

2 years ago

Learn how to end a conversation as well as how to have one. For many people, it is ending a conversation that is going nowhere or that is excruciatingly boring that leaves a sense of awkwardness, out of fear of appearing rude or uncaring.

2 years ago
Sample Ways to Overcome Shyness
2 years ago

Identify the problem




- Ask yourself questions to figure out what situations make you feel shy.


- Figure out what it is that you're afraid will happen in those situations.

2 years ago

Coach yourself


- Come up with some Ideas or encouragements to mentally repeat to yourself when you're feeling shy.


- Remind yourself of your talents and abilities that make you special.


- Use visualization to picture yourself looking confident in situations that would normally make you feel shy.

2 years ago

-Manage your surroundings


Surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable.

2 years ago

- Maintain good relationships with your core group of friends.



- Gradually branch out into new groups and situations.

2 years ago

Make other people feel comfortable



- Look approachable and have positive body language.

2 years ago

- Smile and stand up straight.

2 years ago

- Look directly at the person you're talking to and speak clearly.

2 years ago

Keep working on it





- Give yourself small assignments or goals, like striking up a conversation with one stranger each day.

1 year ago

Slowly work your way up to more and more uncomfortable situations.

1 year ago

Challenge yourself in other ways to help build your confidence.

1 year ago

Just be you





- Give yourself small assignments or goals, like striking up a conversation with one stranger each day.

1 year ago

- Don't try to imitate others or be something you're not.

1 year ago

Don't worry about what others think.

1 year ago

- Appreciate your quirks.

1 year ago

Sample Ways to Build Confidence

1 year ago

Identify the problem


Figure out what makes you feel insecure or embarrassed.

1 year ago

- Try talking to someone about it.

1 year ago

Think of possible solutions


If it's something you can fix, like shedding a few unwanted pounds, think about how you can improve your situation.

1 year ago

If it's something that's central to who you are, focus on the positive aspects of it.

1 year ago

- Spend some time either working on the issue or learning to accept it.

1 year ago

Take steps in the right direction





Work hard at trying to eliminate the issue that bothers you.

1 year ago

Focus on another aspect of yourself that can take attention away from the negative one.

1 year ago

Encourage yourself


Remind yourself of your many talents and abilities.

1 year ago

Set a goal and reward yourself for achieving it.

1 year ago

Find a new activity or hobby you enjoy.

1 year ago

Stay positive


Act positive and upbeat, even when you're not. It will eventually catch on.

1 year ago

- Avoid self-pity, and stay away from negative people.

1 year ago

Socially awkward moments happen to everyone; it's how you recover and move beyond such moments that makes the difference between wanting to sink into the floorboards or simply brushing it off as a passing glitch. Social awkwardness comes from a sense of not appearing "normal" or "socially clued in" under the glare of others. Partly generated by our own fears and worries of what others think of us, partly generated by social expectations and how we interpret these, social awkwardness can prevent us from fully interacting with others out of fear of being ridiculed or even ostracized by our peers.

1 year ago

If you're afraid of being caught in awkward situations or of coming across as socially awkward to others, there are some good reasons not to be. Everyone has to learn how to deal with social embarrassment at times and even if you're more socially awkward than the average person, there are tried and tested ways to overcome feeling socially awkward. Some of these ways are explored in this article.

1 year ago

Steps



1



Realize that you're not alone.



 The reality is that most of us worry about exactly the same things when in public, especially about whether other people like us, whether we're making a good impression or whether others are bored by us. In fact, many of our worries probably cancel each other out given we're on similar wavelengths!

1 year ago

Image:Avoid Being Socially Awkward Step 1.jpg

1 year ago

At one time or other, most people experience moments of shyness, embarrassment at slips of the tongue, awkward bodily noises, messing up a conversation or struggling to connect with another person.

1 year ago

However, if you're feeling like this all of the time, it could be because you're over-analyzing any social situation, which can make it seem much worse than it actually is.

1 year ago

Avoid Being Socially Awkward Step 2.jpg

1 year ago

Try to source your feelings of social awkwardness. 



For many people who experience intense social awkwardness, the feelings stem from anxiety, fear, insecurity or low self-confidence. Each of these sources can be tackled if you're willing to push your boundaries a little at a time and to find ways to build your confidence.

1 year ago

But there may be other reasons for feeling self-conscious, such as having had a bad past experience, feeling that you're not with people who are enough like yourself or who understand you, being an introvert (which is different from feeling shy), feeling compelled to interact in situations because of work, peer or parental pressure, etc. that you would not ordinarily subject yourself to, or feeling confused about the motivations and actions of those around you.

1 year ago

In each case, try to identify the root cause of what's making you feel awkward so that you can address it directly.

1 year ago


Being shy can really inhibit your social interactions. It is important to seek proven ways to overcome shyness, whether through your own learning or through getting help.

1 year ago

See How to overcome shyness for more information and realize that shyness is perfectly treatable.

1 year ago

Avoid Being Socially Awkward Step 3.jpg

1 year ago

Being an introvert is considered to be different from being shy, although both traits can be found in the same person.

1 year ago

Introverts prefer to shun the spotlight, to keep out of many social situations because they're draining and because the introvert is fulfilled through more internal interaction than an extrovert would enjoy.

1 year ago

A shy person, on the other hand, wants to participate in many social events but is afraid of being embarrassed or left out. 

9 months ago

388034 4.jpg

9 months ago


Know if you have social anxiety.

9 months ago

Social anxiety is a severely limiting condition or anxiety-based disorder in which a person is not able to function in daily life, including at school, work or social events. 

8 months ago

A person suffering from social anxiety tends to keep close to family and trusted friends and avoid all public interpersonal relationships. 

8 months ago

Social anxiety stems from a constant fear that other people are scrutinizing the sufferer in order to humiliate or embarrass them.

8 months ago

If you suffer from social anxiety, it is important to get proper professional help, as it's not likely that you'll be able to overcome this alone. 

8 months ago

As with shyness, social anxiety has an excellent prognosis for treatment.

7 months ago

Avoid Being Socially Awkward Step 4.jpg

7 months ago

Overcome your social anxiety.

7 months ago

Once you've identified the feelings that lead to social awkwardness, start trying to acknowledge these feelings whenever they arise.

7 months ago

By being more aware of your own bodily sensations when you're feeling awkward and anxious, you can consciously recognize that your adrenalin is flooding you and causing you to want to run or hide.

6 months ago

When this happens, learn to tell yourself: "I am having an anxiety reaction, I am going to be okay. I will act calmly." 

6 months ago

The more self talk that recognizes the anxiety, the more you will start to get it under control.

6 months ago

If you suffer from some form of social anxiety that is above and beyond the normal first time jitters almost everyone experiences, realize that your biological makeup has some influence in your over-reaction but also that you can learn to control this aspect.

5 months ago

Do not put it down to your being a bad or unsociable person!

5 months ago

While your anxiety is irrational, your bodily reactions are real and you must learn to separate the two when learning how to calm your anxiety, so that you don't blame yourself but do change the behavioral response.

5 months ago

Avoid Being Socially Awkward Step 5 Version 2.jpg

4 months ago

Increase your confidence.

3 months ago

 Even if you don't feel confident, you can either fake it until it grows on you or you can remind yourself to be friendly as much as possible. 

3 months ago

It is definitely hard to find confidence in situations that bring up fears, anxiety, panic and a desire to hide or run away.

2 months ago

However, asking yourself "what's the worst that could happen?" and trying to do at least one thing to engage with others around you is a good start.

2 months ago

Read How to Build Your Self Confidence for suggestions on improving your personal confidence.

2 months ago

Don't rush it; building confidence takes times and involves backward steps as well as forward ones, as you find your own comfortable social niche, so take your time.

1 month ago

388034 7.jpg

1 month ago


Calm your nerves in social situations.

1 month ago

 One way to avoid being socially awkward is to calm your nerves before interacting with people. 

1 month ago

Dealing with your nerves around others is important because nervousness affects our demeanor (body language) and even if we don't open our mouths, other people can read "socially awkward" into our features.

3 weeks ago

Since it can be hard work dealing with a perceived "socially awkward person", vibes to this effect may discourage many people from hanging around to find out.

2 weeks ago

It's important not to misinterpret this as dislike; it's an equal sense of awkwardness on their behalf and one where you can learn to use body language skills to set people at ease.

1 week ago

it's an equal sense of awkwardness on their behalf and one where you can learn to use body language skills to set people at ease.

6 days ago

See How to Look Approachable.

2 days ago

Looking approachable and open to conversation instead of seeming closed off and nervous can help reduce the appearance of social awkwardness.