The Relation Between Depression and Sexual Abuse, Violence, PTSD
I was adopted. My adopted mother wanted a little girl. She had given birth to a boy seven years before, lost her sight tempoarly while pregnant and was afraid it might happen again, so they found me. 
I had an older sister, but we were adopted into separate homes. I've never heard from her. My adopted father and I never got along. I just couldn't live up to his ideas of how I should be. When I was a little girl, I overheard my mother asking him if he loved me...he hesitated before answering with "yes, but...". He was emotionally abusive toward me, always putting me down, telling others I wouldn't amount to anything. He told my now ex-husband after we were married "Congratulations. You know she can't do a damn thing!"
My ex shoved that in my face for 14 years before I was finally able to locate my backbone and move out. I divorced him, but continue to have nightmares and I suffer from ptsd due to all of his abuse. It's been a roller coaster, and I'm still dealing with the stress...my parents passed away, first my mother then my father three years later. He left his entire estate to my brother.
He said he was leaving his 'house' to me, but he sold it after my mother died, so now I get the 'interest' from the sale, the money that was 'invested' --- that pays my rent. That money has been a blessing, and a curse. It helps me so I have somewhere I can call "home", (my apartment) but it leaves me 'tied to my brother' like I was tied to my ex and my father. If any of you have any advice or suggestions how I can 'move on' and leave all of this behind me...It would be greatly appreciated! I don't have health insurance, so getting on meds is not an option right now. The abuse from my ex-husband was due to the fact that I was the perfect 'victim'. I was the pathethic 'pleaser'.. desperatly wanting to feel accepted and loved. He was a major control freak. He wanted to control everything about me. OMG! How low can you get?? Now? I please two people. My daughter and myself. Her dad treated her like crap during visitation. He was crossing the line so I had some major protecting to do! The visitation stopped after I got her into counseling and the counseler called the child abuse hot line after her first session. Don't let anyone try to tell you that you can fix things by pleasing your man! Becoming a doormat is all that comes from that, unless you've married a real man, and they're hard to find!
What a powerful story! YOU are a Survivor! (and do not let anyone tell you different). I sent you a green star! I am also sending you prayers and blessings and thank you for having the courage to share your story! I am sure you are a blessing to your daughter, I had children and altho they say not to do things just for others, they were often the reasons I stayed alive!
Victoria K. Thank you for the green star. I hope it didn't sound like I'm having this huge pitty party or something. Believe me, I know that would be a waste of precious time. Between you, me and God (and everyone reading this)
having my daughter in my life--saved my life. During those years of major trial, we were by each other's side, day and night, and I thank God for her every day! She's 21 now and I couldn't be more proud of her! Thank you, again, for the star, and for being 'here'.
I hate that saying! we all need to have support and share our feelings, I am hoping to make this a very safe place!
Victoria K., This is a very safe place and I feel safe sharing my story here. You wrote that you hate 'that saying'. What saying are you refering to??
I need some advice. During my daughter's court ordered visits with her dad, he insisted on numerous times that she not wear her bra to bed. ( She felt uncomfortable being over there overnight and would cover up when ever possible. ) He would see the outline of her bra through her nightshirt and actually fuss at her! Several other things took place that were not normal that I won't go into, but the point is, his actions showed classic signs of sexual abuse. It makes me sick when I think about how the judge in our divorce case sat there and listened as my daughter told of how her father had touched her and made her feel uncomfortable etc. and then that judge told her she needs to give her father a chance and to 'lighten up' on him!!! We tell our children to be truthful, honest, and to trust adults ... and then we let them down and show them that it doesn't matter what they say, they're helpless and don't have any choice in what happens to them. The State Police listened to her, and the visits stopped! She has been in counseling and is doing much better than I am. Why am I asking for your advice? Here's the question; What, if anything, can I do to help improve the way children are teated when they are in a situation like my daugters?? Also, how do I learn to deal with it all and finally let go so I can move on?
The words I have heard many times in many programs: "pitty party",,,,,,,,,
Are feeling are valid! and deserve to be respected not demeaned.
I am so glad the visits stopped.
Both of my children were sexually abused and it tore me up! I had been advocating for the help for victims of abuse and giving others ideas and suggestions to help their children and I didn't even know mine were being abused. I taught them all the "right things" good and bad touch, stranger danger, red light green light and yet they too became victoms in silence! I was devistaed when I found out, my husband who was their stepfather and I had to go to many sessions for parenting and also not only had to help our children, but get ourself support too!
We tell our children it is "OK to tell" and time after time I have been told it makes no difference or the child is even more damaged by the system that was set up to protect them! It breaks my heart and makes me so angry! Angry enough to continue to speak for the children and for the victoms that have never ever spoke out!
Their are some programs that advocate for children going through this situation, I am sure I am spelling it wrong, guardian at lightems. They are volunteers that help the children and seek their best interest through cases similar to yours.
I hope you can find a support group for you, I am not on line as much because my frind I live with spends alot of time on line...
I would love if others here would also share some of their experience strength and hope too!
I hope I answered some of your questions, this is why I continue to speak out and I hope you also find the strength to do wonderful things in your s and your daughter's life! Some children have noone to advocate and noone who believes them... THAT MUST CHANGE!
Victoria, Thank you. I'm glad I found Care2 and your 'group'. Telling my story and reading other people's stories and comments has helped me.
I've become seriously anti-social lately. I've been looking for a job but the hunt has been very stressful as I have very little experiance and few usuable job skills. (I was a full time Mom, worked part time jobs, and it's been a few years since my last full time job.) It's scary and sometimes I wish I could just pack a bag and gas up the car and drive...I don't know where, just drive ... anywhere but here. My daughter likes that idea too.
We'll see what happens over the next few months.
My mind and body have slowed down quite a bit over the last couple of years. I've had several health problems and I'm really tired, alot. I know alot of it is stress related. Like I said, we'll see what happens over the next few months.
Again, thank you for being 'there' and for listening.
i am a survivor of child sexual abuse, i or we need to speak out let children know when they tell they will be save . support we as victims need support. the secret eats u up inside believe me when say my mother , when i told at 7 my mother stayed with
him my stepfather. and he continue till i was 15 my live has been damaged . it leaves u left not trusting or even knowing how to love. i am in group now and meds on a journey to heal and to now speak out i am no t ASHAMED i was a child. folks tend to not want to hear. it is different the world hides it too. lets speak lets save at least one child speak out children someone will save u. peace out!
wanted to reactivate this one:
I was first diagnosed with borderline personality dissorder and it hurt me so because I was actually told I was making it all up and lying for attention which could not be further from the truth.
It would have been much eisier for me to admit I was crazy and live my life in the hospital I was sent to! But I am A Survivor and A THRIVER! I saw women in there that had no hope! I could not stay there while the outside world condemned "women like me!!!"
I would have rather been a lyer than admit my father cared so little for me that he used me in these aweful ways!
