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Domestic Violence
7 years ago
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Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.

Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

  • Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair-pulling, biting, etc. Physical abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use.

  • Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

  • Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

  • Economic Abuse: Making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.

  • Psychological Abuse: Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org

Anonymous
7 years ago
Jakki, thank you for posting this...I have been dealing with mental, emotional abuse for 29 years, and it has affected my one son...For those who read this,, I couldn't leave for several reasons. One is I cant get away...........................
7 years ago
Jackie,if you need help,I will find a way to help you.I'm glade you trusted us enough to post,but please believe,I will do anything in my power to help you.You are not alone.
Anonymous
7 years ago

Thank you Jackki, I have tried several times. I was in therapy for 3 years, which didn't do any good. I'm on meds for Manic depression and anxiety. I just recently went through a rough time with my depression. It scared me so bad, because I was always able to fight it, this time I almost couldn't. I came from a family who never let their kids hear them fight. So 6 months after we were married, thats all I heard. He called me all sorts of awful names. I wasn't used to all that and didn't know how to defend myself since I never had to deal with it as a child. Well, hubby taught me well,,,,I don't take alot of his crap anymore and I learned to fight back.....But my kids are adults now, and HIS finational situation is stable, Im on disability for medical problems and emotional. So I tried to leave. HE cries and I stay. Tried several times. If I could get him to the doctors for his bi-polar, I know our marriage would be better, my son is also bi-polar.....But, you cant help those who dont want to be helped, I have always believed in working out your marriage, I dont give up that easely. Old World I Guess, But I cant fight the fight no more. He is fine for awhile, when he knows im serious about leaving, then he starts again. In alot of ways he is good to me, really. I know, excuses.....So here I am, going to stay, despite my happiness. And,,,,Im only 44....  where did all this come from. I guess I needed someone to talk to?????

Im sorry for bending your ear. I'll be alright. Thanks Jakki Hugs Jackie

Jackie
7 years ago

roseJackie,

I understand completely . . . and I'm here any time you need an ear or a shoulder.

Luv,

*C*

Anonymous
7 years ago
THANK YOU "C" . IT'S SOMETHING I HAVE DEALT WITH FOR 28 OR SO YEARS, AND I KEEP THINKING THINGS WILL GET BETTER, BUT ISN'T THAT WHAT ALL VICTIMS THINK?  THANK YOU FOR LENDING YOUR SHOULDER.....
Hi all
7 years ago
this is the crape that makes me mad there is no reason to do this to a woman what because these animals want to be big men and big shots that ain't neither,I'am here to help in any way,I can please just let me know ok my friends,I'am agains't violence but,I would like to just be alone with these animals and beat the crape out of them,I wont swear infront and to weman or,I would of said this all in a different way,I have alot of  respect,honor for weman,I'am here if any one wants to talk ok my friends
7 years ago

Jackie,sorry I'm just now reading this.I too have been a victim of Domestic violence may years ago.It was back in the 80's.At that time the cops if they would come out,would actualy tell you they can't interfer in domestic affairs.I was pregnant then when he tried to kill my first son while I still carried him.I was in the hospital for about two months after the insident.And my son has perminate brain damage.I guess the point of sharing this is so you can see,I understand.

Anonymous
7 years ago
Jakki, I cry with you My Dearest Friend. I am so sorry you had to go through that, It's beyond words why we have no protection from the POLICE!! As for several different types of Domestic abuse, It PO'S me that Emotional is never considered abuse. Why? Because the bruises and scars are on the inside, so they can't see them!! No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
7 years ago
It should be remembered that domestic violence may be, and often is, directed at children, and not just partners.
hello everyone...
7 years ago
And let's not forget about our seniors! It's also unfortunate that they are abused by younger people sometimes their own family and they are often to frail too protect themselves. 
7 years ago

good points Joann & David!!

Jackie
7 years ago
Please don't give up and think you can never leave your situation. I thought the same thing and tried over and over to leave. I finally did just about a year ago, and I am so happy now. I did relapse and go back with him in December but really learned that I don't need him, no want his negativity in my childrens or my life ever again. Now, I am divorced and finally at peace with myself. I am still in counseling but doing better with time. My kids are doing okay and becoming more settled in our routine. I know all of the kids are waiting for me to break down and let him back.....all I can say to that is HELL NO!!! Please be strong and be kind to yourself. You are a good woman full of strength and belief. You'll figure things out one day, in the meantime dont' beat yourself up. Blessings my friend, Me
7 years ago
I found this on myspace I hope others find inspiration also
Commonly Forgotten by Victims of Domestic Violence
You have the right
to joy
to a life without any abuse
to make your own decisions about your future
to be human and to make mistakes
to change your mind, plans, and goals
to laugh
to sleep the whole night through
to eat what you want when you want
to visit with family and friends
to privacy
to be treated with respect
to not hide the actions of another (the guilt doesn't belong to you)
to go where you need and want to go
to love
to do what you want (and accept responsibility for that)
to be healthy
to feel hurt and to cry
to be angry and to say so
to say "no" without feeling selfish or guilty
to not need another's permission to do things
to share your thoughts and emotions
to a life without shame
to be complimented without sarcasm
to live without the fear of abuse
to assistance from the police
to financial independence
to work in your choice of jobs
to not be patronized or put–down
to develop your own identity and talents
to be safe
to be loved
to be with a partner that you love and like
to ask questions
to change yourself in the ways you want to
to control your own appearance
to not be humiliated
to not be threatened or intimidated
to protect yourself and your children
to your personal beliefs
to the truth
to help yourself
to succeed
to choose your own friends
to be at least as angry at or fearful of a lover as you would at a stranger who did the same things to you
to share plans and decisions that affect you both
to not be interrupted
to have your thoughts and opinions listened to and seriously considered
to feel how you feel — not necessarily how you've been told to feel
to be right without being made to feel guilty
to be comforted by your partner
to your sexual interests, desires, and fulfillment being as important as your partner's
to not be harassed by a partner "checking on you"
to come and go without having to "report in" with details about where you went or what you did or who you saw
to have friends of both sexes without accusations of unfaithfulness
to fulfilled promises
to survive
and to live!
DON'T GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS!!!
                        
Anonymous
7 years ago

WOW I have read these comments and responces and I too am a survivor of DV. And i also want to take the opportunity to say, this effects everyone Including MEN, not just women, children and the elderly.

I have a brother in law, who was an abuser, who is now abused by his girlfriend. I wanted to tell him this is what he gets, but what good does that do? This is and has been a problem for way to long now!

Peace

Dimestic violence
5 years ago

I just escaped recently from my abusive partner. It was terrifing and horrible for me and our cats. It is very difficult to leave when you are out of work, no money and have pets. I was dependant on him. Well I am now at my mothers home, she will not let me keep my cats. I just want to die, I love my cats and do not want to give them up. I just want to die, which is so strange, because the reason I left was because I wanted me and my cats to live. Everything I own is in my car, I took only the things that were important to me when I left. Yes everything I own is still in my car, because I don't know where I will go. Right now my cats have to live in the garage at my mothers home and she wants them out of there. Winter is coming and soon it will be freezing out and it is not a heated garage. Yes they have shelters out there for abused people, but you can not bring your pets with you. It is a huge problem, people do not want to leave their pets behind, only to be abused, and yet there is no help out there if you take them with you. I have called numerous DV agencies I found ONE that has foster care for TWO weeks for pets and it is not like someone can afford boarding in this situation.

4 years ago

Domestic violence is like cancer.
At the first signs, you try to deal with the symptoms.

As it develops you think you can still control it, but change your lifestyle, do fewer things you enjoy.

The larger the tumour grows the more obvious to others there is something wrong, sleep is disturbed, stress levels rise, and you seem incapable of functioning properly.

When the tumour becomes life threatening, you eventually take action, too late and too little, but decide on radical surgery to remove the tumour. This leaves the body badly scarred and weakened. Follow up treatment to purge the body of infection leaves the body vulnerable with no immunity.

In recovery you change your life completely, avoid toxic areas, and friends that knew you in the past. In this weakened state you are in no mood to mix with those living lives to the full.

In the back of the mind is the thought of relapse, the fear that the tumour will return with renewed vengeance.

Further relapses are more difficult to cure, involve deeper body surgery and much weakened constitution.

Eventually the returning tumour kills or you give up fighting