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In Ironic Defense of 'Traditional Marriage': an Instructive Morality Tale of 4 Jacks and 4 Jills 

[Sing it!]

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To get a marriage li-cense;

Jack fell down

And fractured his crown

And Jill got to visit him in the hospital

{And got survivor benefits after}.

Jill and Jill

Went to Catskill

Couldn't get a marriage li-cense;

Jill felt, down

And tried to commit suicide

And Jill couldn't visit her in the hospital

{Or get survivor benefits after --

Or the custody of their daughter}.

Jack and Jack

Built a shack

Without a marriage li-cense;

The shack fell down

In a big windstorm

And there was a helluva legal hassle about insurance, liability, ownership, etc.

{And about inheritance

And survivor benefits after}.

Jill and Jack

Had a publicity flack

Who got them a marriage li-cense;

They got married downtown

In front of bright lights and cameras --

And divorced a fortnight after!

[BMT    2004]