Greetings everyone,

As an offshoot from one of the other topics there was talk of Leadership styles and Women in Leadership. So let us talk about this as a seperate topic.

What are your thoughts about Women in Leadership and why?

And what are your thoughts about the Masculine and Feminine Style of Leadership and why?

Do you think any of this has anything to do with peace and if so what?

In Peace,

Silvia ---

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Very good topic I have studied for many years.Where there is love there usualy always is a female.We know early history shows that feminine leadership was discarded by early christians.But we know if you are true at heart.That each soul is equal to each other male is no better then female.Female always seems to bring peace and unity.I could go on for days but I know there is a devine female maybe even more then one.Jesus told us his last few breaths on the cross to look and he said behold thy mother you remember.Well many female Angels or holys hve been put before us.Such as Holy mother Mary as Lady of the Nations which brings peace and love and Unity of all people at the cross of Jesus.Also there is one called PTE SAN WI of the Native Americans who brings the same love of all people.And is to return.Also in most all prophecy they speak of feminine presents at the time of troubles.I believe we are all treated equal.I do believe a feminine leader would come closer to gaining peace then the male.

                                                          [KIATA]  KENNY P      

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I was once president of a Toastmaster's club that really had some good speakers. We did what was called 'Round Robin' evaluations after each speech. One female speaker finished and the first words out of her mouth before we evaluated were, "Was it to feminine?" Then at the gym one woman told me about going to school for electrical engineering. I asked, "Isn't that rare?" She told me she was one of the few females that had completed the course and added she thinks like a male, analytical. She was divorced and had two children. When she told me this was her second divorce, she added that she was to smart for her husband. I told her she probably was but when I grew up my first female relationship in this world was my mother. She used to make cookies and got me hooked on them. Then trying to do the right thing she introduced responsibility into my life by saying if I wanted a cookie I had to do a chore first. Later I asked if I could do the chore after I had the cookie. That worked and I learned I could get the cookie without being responsible like my first female relationship in this world taught me. Well the woman hasn't talked to me for a while but recently we chatted and she told how she was in counseling. I told her that I looked at it as being in the same place she was. In dealing with my daughters I had to somehow understand their situations in life. For one thing they showed signs of controlling and manipulating which I myself was also doing in my business. It was because I wanted something so instead of asking my price I acted the way I thought would get me what I wanted. From realizing that I could then attempt to somehow share with them they had to value themselves so they could ask for and demand what they wanted. To me that's the analytical part.

Leadership is to me the one who accepts the responsibility and becomes accountable for whatever they are leading. Generally that's been a father's role but we don't have father's doing that anymore. It's something like dancing where the female can best enjoy the dance if the male has her trust in leading it.

Right now we're at a point where so many families are single parents that it reflects our country's character. When the Dr. Phil show started there was a family with two daughter's. One was 14 when she got pregnant and the other who was upset because her sister got all the attention while she, didn't do nothing wrong got none, wanted out of the family. The father came from a mother who had 7 children all by different men. The mother came from a mother who wanted to get rid of her children because they were a burden with the affair she was having with a married man. The mother also had a sister who wouldn't have a thing to do with her because she was too controlling. Even Dr Phil brought up more than once how his father drank. With my own sister gettting pregnant in high school just to get out of the house I guess I've formed and opinion that a female leadership style is controlling and manipulating as even this teenage girl in that family was involved with sex with another boy other than the one who planted the seed in her. She told how she thought this other boy could help her but never mentioned anything about love. Now I'm sure most can understand that I do hear males control and manipulate also but that's the whole problem when it comes to leadership. If a male controls and manipulates he's doing the same thing I did with the cookies. He's using others to take over where his mother left off. I wouldn't want to use any elected offiicials names here, LOL.

There was a song either in the late fifties or early sixties that went something like, "Johnny I said things to you just to see what you would do, You got sad and hung your head, made me wish that I was dead, Then it went into Johnny get angry, Johnny get mad. Give me the biggest lecture I ever had. Every girl wants someone who she can look up too" Lessons in life have shown me as a male that look up too part is earning respect. This is especially important in leadership. Time magazine did an interview with Russia's president Putin as they named him 'Person of the Year.' He does bring up in that interview, "Russia is a 'patriarchal' country. I've read that a female is compassion and the male is justice and the differences were meant to compliment one another. It's something like a battery only working when the plus and minus is connected.

Iran's president Ahmadinejad was interviewed by Mike Wallace where he said, "Iran wants peace too, but Iran wants peace from love not war." Of course with what's going on in the world today I think his is an example of male leadership. When I listen to the candidates running for office talk about Iran being a threat I think that's controlling and manipulating style of leadership versus accepting the responsibility and becoming accountable. I remember my own marriage consisted of being talked about but not to and remember when Ahmadinejad was in this country, not one politician took the time to even talk to him yet they all tell of what a terrible person he is and what a threat Iran is in the world. Isn't that really an example of lack of leadership?

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Greetings,

Women to me are more powerful than men only when we love unconditionally and bring this love with us into our work. When we are feminine (not to be confused with weak) and show our care and compassion for not only all people, but also all animals and nature as a whole. When a woman does that -- then she is powerful -- much more powerful than anyone who shows hate, deceit, competition, or violence.

The feminine style of leadership is cooperative, nurturing, loving, peaceful and looking out for the best interests of everyone -- not just the powerful or a select few. Many women have fergotten this, just as many men have, but women have the ability inside their hearts just waiting to awaken. After all, most women make phenonemal (sp?) mothers, if they only let themselves love freely and unconditionally. Both men and women can use and lead by the feminine style of leadership. I am sure if you look closely you can see that ALL the greatest Leaders who are the most looked up upon have used the feminine style of leadership and they have used it right. Many of those who were hated the most (Hitler and Stalin as examples) used a masculine style of leadership; and what is worse they used it wrong. Double whammy there.

Only the Feminine style of leadership done right can save our world and give us peace; the Masculine done wrong will destroy it.

I will answer more later today or in a few days. Still moving...

In Peace,

Silvia ---

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From my own life experiences the feminine approach is controlling and manipulating and my main point is that both genders use a masculine or a feminine approach in their behaviors. Look at their family historys to see who was the most influential person in their upbringing. Bill Clinton wrote that he came from a dysfunctional background so where was the male role model in his character developement. Bush spent a third of his life involved with alcohol and drugs but look at his background. His father was involved with Iran-Contra and does have you ever seen his mother like say on Jay Leno? She comes accross as one who defenitely has strength in getting her way. How about Nancy Pelosi after she became speaker of the house. She claimed this was one giant step for women, not one giant step for the well being of this country. Has she done one thing for the good of this country especially like stopping the war. Even Bhutto who was just killed was really sent back for the US to get a strong hold in Pakinstan. It's a very troubled area without a doubt but to add accusations only became tossing fuel on the fire. Part of democracy is weilding the power but all the females in my life never showed even a hint at doing that. I can't see where any of them accept the fact that they themselves are the ones who make the choice as to who they are going to weild the power to.

The basic family structure in this country is gone so it's the mother who raises the family. Now we have a country with no foundation. The females that have been in my life usually used sex to get what they wanted, not unconditional love. There is nothing wrong with this but there sure is a lot wrong with males that cotinue to enable this. Yes the difference are meant to work together which goes for both genders. Yes you say you want peace but peace is nothing but how you process thoughts in your own mind. That goes for both genders.

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Sure some women misuse leadership - I think this is when they are strong but find they have to, or feel they have to, compete in a man's world in the same way as a man playing the White Male Establishment game.  I am thinking of the entrepreneurial field here, business, as I have observed it.  

Traditionally some ancient societies were Matriarchies and were ultimately  pushed out by male strategies in the bid for power.   As a generalisation, I would say a woman's style is more for accord between parties, empathic and one may say, nurturing.   As has just been said tho, both men and women can use the better qualities of female leadership or  masculine qualities, when needed, as their style.  There are some excellent male leaders in my experience, tho seldom, alas, in the field of politics generally.

Why any modern woman who has worked at her character and self development and at her life's responsibilities, and  has reason to be justly proud of her accomplishment, should want to be a man, beats me tho?   And I'm not even an active feminist in saying that, I daresay Naomi Wolf or Betty Friedan (author of The Feminine Mystique),  have said it one way or another better than I; others I can name being the American activist Mary Wollstonecraft, or in particular Simone de Beauvoir, longtime companion of French existentialist philosopher Jean Paul Sartre, who refused to marry him so as to maintain her equality,  as a woman.   Vive la difference!

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How can peace have only to do with what goes on in your own mind?  In my mind I have fear for my great grand children growing up in this world of violence and hate.  I am concerned about global warming and wondering how long it will take for good people to get together and work out a now method of repairing the catastrophe. We have found that our governments won't act. We the people have to. The big shots will be flown to safety. We the people will be drowning in the floods. Starving for lack of food growing places and Dying of thirst for drinkable water, ending up drinking the polluted wormwood and creating the biggest plagues in human history.

No peace can live in our hearts but only when violence, war, drought, and most of all hate is driven from the minds and hearts of every single one of us. Hate is the taking away of peace.  It causes these other things along with greed, jealousy, lust. God knows that it isn't hard to love. S/He , it, universal Source, gaia, Lillith,  knows well that love is the easiest  act because the more you love the more you can love. All babies are beautiful, everyone of them deserves the very best we as a world can provide.

Leadership is done by the personality of the person leading. There are many nurturing males and an equal number of agressive power wielding women. As well as the opposite.  I don't think there is a feminine or masculine style. The method of leading is what works. There have been are are matriarchal societies and patriarchal. Is one better than the other? I don't think so, because in either, one gender is made to be subserviant to the other.

We need to learn to be androgynous, as we were in the beginning so that gender issues have no place in our lives.

But PEACE is up to us..We The People of The World.

with love, Genelda 

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*Iran's president Ahmadinejad was interviewed by Mike Wallace where he said, "Iran wants peace too, but Iran wants peace from love not war." Of course with what's going on in the world today I think his is an example of male leadership. When I listen to the candidates running for office talk about Iran being a threat I think that's controlling and manipulating style of leadership versus accepting the responsibility and becoming accountable. I remember my own marriage consisted of being talked about but not to and remember when Ahmadinejad was in this country, not one politician took the time to even talk to him yet they all tell of what a terrible person he is and what a threat Iran is in the world. Isn't that really an example of lack of leadership?"

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I agree with you Ken.  These politicians were not interested in talking to president Ahmadinejad...  There are males and females politicians in the US.  None of them wanted anything to do with the Iranian president.  It's too bad, they could have learned from him. 

What we need is mentally balanced politicians, being males or females.  Gender exists only on the physical plane and the difference stays on the planet once we are gone.  Souls have no gender.  I guess what I am saying is:  it is the "inside" that counts.

Look at Pelosi, Rice, Clinton...  Do you really think they do a better job than a male?  What about Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld & Co...  Are they better politicians than females?

I think it's time for humanity to step out of teenagehood and become more adult.  Nothing can change until this happens.

In peace,

Crystal

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I can only relate from my own experiences in life. I started out with my mother complaining constantly and one that seemed to get targeted the most with the complaining was my father. So what do you think my mind got subliminally conditioned for with my future choices in life? Then I watched my sister get pregnant in high school just to get out of the house. Can any of you understand how I would form an opinion from that? Then I picked up on the same pattern with getting married myself. We had absolutely no trust or respect for one another. I used to work with singles in church settings and there was once a letter going around that until one learns to give up all wants, needs and desires they'll never have a decent relationship. I divorced my wife after 21 years of marriage because all I could do is protect my self from deceit and deception. Now I'm sure most females will take this as an attack on their gender but it's really me as a male that was at fault. Trust is something I never new enought to earn from my wife before we became intimate so basically I enabled a behavior. This same pattern goes on in all relationship which include government. Others busily fill their wants, needs and desires because they're enabled by those who allow them to do this. So we humans grow up observing patterns that just aren't working in getting along with one another not even thinking about looking at the what are the basics in relationships. There's noting wrong with what I've observed with the controlling and manipulating except without earning each other's trust and respect it will always be done in the singular instead of for the we part of relating. In it's own way my own ignorance of not knowing this is the difference between heaven or hell. I was in toch with my wife right up till her death from lung cancer. All I could think of when I first heard of the cancer is all the times I tried to get her to quit smoking but how useless I felt for even trying. I relate that to how well our current president listens to the will of the people. This is the behavior I seen from the majrity of females that have been in my life which to me is carried over into their children of both genders. Whoever is the strongest role model influences the most but does that make a leader out of them? As far as female leaders, there are many great ones. I voted for a female governor we have in this state because I thought she was doing a good job as attorney general before she run. Pelosi sure don't appear to be thinking when she made up the statement about her being a giant step for women. For me that just separates the genders more. I've been single for almost 27 years cause when I have to take the blame or act a certain way just to be in what's suppose to be a realtionship that takes away the freedom to be myself. As far as Hillary goes I think she has a lot of strength especially after her husband destroyed her trust in him. She does fall for a lot of lies though but I consider more males falling for them than her. Rice is one of the best at twisting the blame around to others I've ever seen and then saying it's diplomacy so does that make her a leader?

Again my main point is to express that understanding our gender different behaviors could benefit our society when it comes to leadership.

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For me leadership has nothing to do with gender, but more to do with qualities on display.. and it is the feminine qualities of unconditional love, allowance, acceptance, softness, gentleness, compassion, understanding, caring, tolerance, calmness, serenity, nurturing, cooperation, quiet determination, perseverence, peacefulness, inner strength..... . these and many more like them which are the essence of true leadership and which are not seen much in our present world leaders or leaders at most levels

These qualities when displayed see things getting done effortlessly, in harmony with all around and for the benefit of all rather than the few

With these qualities, there is a genuine desire to serve the whole. All reap the rewards of this genuine service including the one/s giving the service...

These qualities are not limited to women, because all have the ability to exemplify them..

So is not about women v men... and who is better than the other.. it is about the qualities demonstrated by the person/s in the position of leadership roles.. 

That is what leadership is all about...its about quality.

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To lead. v.t. to influence the actions or opinions of, to guide by persuasion, example or argument.

Doesn't say anything about dictating, oppressing or just going ahead and doing what you want despite the protestations of those you are suppossed to be "leading".

Perhaps we need to define "Leader"!!!!

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Leadership most definitely to me is accepting the responsibility for whatever is being led by my and being accountable for the well-being and direction for whatever I'm leading. That goes for being the president of an organization, being a father, husband and even my own life.

Oprah had a show on one night which brought forth the fact a female's brian shrinks in one area after she gives birth and grows larger in another. That area is intuition for her children. They clearly showed two women sitting on a park bench and one mother who wasn't even looking at her own child, got up when there was a sign of possible trouble. But Allan Watts and Erich Fromm have brought up that males are usually the reason for relationship failures. They deny the females their masculinity. In my own life I can see that happened in my marriage. We had two daughters and one committed suicide so that let me hear a mother cry putting the saying that the greatest gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother. So just what the hell is love anyways. Well love to me is being the best me I can possibly be and then share that me in a responsible and accountable manner. Taking that back to leadership in any form of relationship trust and respect are something we earn from one another. Obuviously there was absolutely zero trust or respect in my marriage but look at all of life and ask yourselves how much trust and respect there is in it.

Now the reason I feel so strongly about a male's role in leadership, especially my own, that my daughter was suicidal from age 12 to when she went to the top of a building, put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger and fell to the ground. When I read about a female's compassion and other attributes being so fine, I'd just as soon choke somebody. That's just how a female would like to see life but doesn't accept life as it is. After one of my daughter's attempts when she woke up in the hospital after an overdose, her sister went in the room first. She came out saying there's nothing wrong with her. Then her mother went in asking if there was anything she could do for her. My daughter replied, "Ya, get me a gun so I can finish it." You see, all the time that motherly love operated without trusting a father, protected her child from living life as it comes to us. So by not having that trust any effort I put in on encouraging my daughter to live was overridden by what is suppose to be compassion and kindness. I seen it as crippling for selfish reasons of wanting things to be only what was in a single mind.

I have done some lower level public speaking which I intended to be about suicide but as I age I realized that I've lost it from putting the effort into trying to do any good for our wasted generation. I attended a meeting about teen suicide in our city a while back. I sat quietly while a psychologist present part of the program to which I didn't agree with anything they said. Then a woman present some material which had me thinking maybe civilization is to far gone now to even save. Finally at the end I was going to pose some contradicting question just for the heck of it. I was ignored but a guy sitting at the table with me didn't sit still for that but before the psychologist gave me a chance what I took could've been a teacher brought something up about a young woman's troubles with people in her life touched by suicide. So instead of my questions I asked the guy if he would mind if I answered the question. I answered this teacher that what he's really dealing with is perceptions, his versus the young woman he's dealing with. If he truely wants to help her the best thing to do is make sure his perception is absolutely correct first then share how he achieved getting to that perception. Now even the psychologist is up front taking notes shaking his head saying that's right. Am I on an ego trip or sharing with you an experience in an attempt to explain leadership?

The thing that I've been trying to bring accross is not meant to be judged as if I'm categorizing males or females as good or bad like one is better than the other coming out the winner in a competive event. It's just that we've been on this earth long enough now to at least deal with issues so we could come to an understanding of what we're doing in life that's constructive and what's derstructive. My daughter left journals behind where I got to read my part of how she saw me in her life through her eyes. She writes about her mother also and one part cleary states her mother told her to not pay any attention to me. Then in another she tells how her mother let her down by telling her she would come over by her for mother's day and never showed up. After her death my ex writes me a letter about how she never showed up because she was intimidated by her alcoholic boyfriend. I knew I was alone in dealing with this but I completely put all my effort into earning my daughter's trust and respect. I have all this stuff which I've been putting together in a book. In one letter she brings up how she thought I didn't even know she existed but here all the time she realized that I was the one who was always there for her, not her mother. So I doubt any of you could understand that having her take sides like that was not my intention cause I do respect a mother's love for their children but I'm also a father who had to accept the responsibility and become accountable in life. A side note to this is that in my 'Good-bye letter she states that I was the one who kept her going for so long by keeping her dreams alive and offering hope when there was none. From my experiences I wasn't involved with female behaviors showing leadership because of the trust issue.

I'm not to found of groups but will stay for a few days to clarify any points I can about this if they are without sympathy offerings.

Peace 

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My daughter and her mother are dead but I am very alive. This whole affair was a mistake I made from my own ignorance and I have to carry it with me till my own death. Communication is sharing which I beleive is the same reason life was given to us. I only offered this with hopes of bringing an understanding of how destructive our behaviors are and how we ingnore the consequences of those behaviors. Just these groups as well as groups I've dealt with in person don't seem like they're worth it anymore. I've lost so much of my own life because I didn't know any better and have to admit I love aging cause it puts the finish line closer then the starting line. The bottom line is that we turned into our own worst enemy and have imprisoned ourselves there. Of course I do wonder how many could really handle being free.

Peace

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I just want to praise those two men who spoke out in our column about their tragedies with such courage.  And to hope you don't blame yourselves too much for what happened - one tries one's best with people, but sometimes they go too far and are beyond our reach.  

As for women, there are women who do their very best,  and women who fail miserably in life and are very selfcentred.  But it is helpful I can say as a single older woman, when one can feel trust in a man, be it in relationship or just friendship, it helps one to live a good life and relate to the people in our world with trust and kindness, as well as deal fairly with the youngsters in our lives.  

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Sarvo, is not that the human condition?   We start off young and naive and ignorant, and learn along the way.   By the time we get to about 60 years old, we can say as I do, that if I had known at 30 what I now know, most of my  life, ideas and relationships with my family members and in my past marriage  would've been different.

We can only accept that that was the Past, after all, we cannot change that.  And maybe we can pass along some of our wisdom derived from life experience, to assist and guide others?

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Cal, you've got it in one!  My son at 28  seldom takes advice because he's doing things "my way" as he says.   He knows best ...  well so he thinks!   (to think I made the same mistakes at 30 and thought I was right ... oh my!)

There is a saying about life experience that its less about making mistakes and more that "we err less and and less".

Sarvo I'm sure much of what you say is true.  

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In regards to age and wisdom I agree. I too thought I knew everything at 18, 21, 25, and then 30. Now that I am thirty-one I know better and realize that I probably do not even know one forth of it. Keeping that in mind I am much more content and take a lot of time that I do have available to talk to other people and to learn things.

In Peace,

Silvia ---

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