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Groups > Neighborhood of Friends > Discussions > Topic: Fun Stuff!!
Topic: Fun Stuff!!

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anonymous	Fun Stuff!! January 29, 2008 8:25 AM Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first: If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... its male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else. WHY DO MEN DIE FIRST ? Because they want to. [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 8:32 AM ok that is a good one I guess we are way too confused, so we just cant take it anymore and just decide to give up. [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 8:34 AM that is really good robin where did you come up with this one since my husband is always working when off is always tooo tired. i think men have had enough of our whinning, i dont know good guess. [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	Thanks Carl, I knew the men would love one 4 them 4 a change! January 29, 2008 8:34 AM Dear Dogs, When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to ! sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 8:37 AM An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared. To everyone's relief,he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight home and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old fart dig. I had his butt buried upside down." [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 9:14 AM funny haha great stories. [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
Michael K.	Cold Cream January 29, 2008 9:55 AM Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?" [ send green star] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 10:17 AM good one [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 11:34 AM [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
Michael K.	I will tell you January 29, 2008 12:12 PM you need a reduction [ send green star] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 12:29 PM I know, HUH??? [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	Best out of office replies smile pretty when you use them also January 29, 2008 12:38 PM 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team. 4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/8. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over) 7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 9. I've run away to join a different circus. 10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Helen" instead of "Harry". [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 5:25 PM [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 29, 2008 5:26 PM [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 30, 2008 5:59 PM [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 30, 2008 5:59 PM [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 30, 2008 6:00 PM [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
anonymous	January 30, 2008 6:08 PM [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	Whose Chauffeur??? February 02, 2008 1:00 PM After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, and He doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?' 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.' 'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. 'There might be something extra in it for you,' says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. 'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. 'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. 'So bust him,' says the Chief. 'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the cop. The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!' 'No, I mean really important,' said the cop. The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?' Cop: 'Bigger.' Chief: 'Governor?' Cop: 'Bigger.' 'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?' Cop: 'I think it's God!' Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?' Cop: 'He's got the Pope as a chauffeur!' [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	February 02, 2008 2:22 PM [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	February 04, 2008 8:53 AM [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	February 04, 2008 9:08 AM A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman who is seated over there." ..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants "After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: "Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have a beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back." [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	February 05, 2008 8:44 PM [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	February 06, 2008 7:10 PM [ send green star] [ accepted]
Robert R.	hi there February 06, 2008 7:14 PM great stories have a great week every one [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	February 06, 2008 7:18 PM You too Robert! [ send green star] [ accepted]
anonymous	February 06, 2008 7:50 PM I really enjoyed reading all these. I laughed also at the Corn Flakes with the added nuts. What a riot! Thanks for the smiles. I needed those tonight. Rough day, but now I have smiles. You guys rock..Jaylena ) [report anonymous abuse] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	March 26, 2008 2:15 PM [ send green star] [ accepted]
Bharat N.	April 08, 2008 9:45 AM man should take care of mother in law , he will never get trouble from his wife. [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	July 10, 2008 9:54 AM I agree with this notice for sure! [ send green star] [ accepted]
Pauline H.	July 10, 2008 9:55 AM [ send green star] [ accepted]