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Common Questions
6 years ago
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Namaste! Many people, including others who identify as poly frequently have questions about the subject. What is Poly? “The word means "many loves" - having more than one loving person in your life at the same time. It has also been called responsible non-monogamy. It is not about having affairs or cheating on the people you love; everything is in the open and mutually agreed on, there are no secrets or lies. Polyamory is about loving people in a committed, ethical and consensual way.” Beyond this definition, Being Polyamorus, or living a polyamourus lifestyle can be different for everyone, and even evolve and shift for individuals and or groups involved. http://www.polyorlando.org/html/polyamory_faq.htm here is the refrence i just quoted. the page is very well writen, and covers topics many other faq lists do not. here is another, more personal perspective on the lifestle- I do not personally suport or behave as hope does, but she shares her life very lovingly for the rest of us to learn from. http://www.hopesplace.net/polyamory/polyfaq.html I sinserly hope that this now gives this group a spring board for discussions! How do YOU live today? How do you DREAM of living? MK
6 years ago
poly = many amor = love polyamorous = having many lovers well if you have two lovers, I'd consider that polyamory.
actually you can have more than one lover and not be poly-amorous
5 years ago
in relationships, you can practice non-monogamy, which allows the partners to have other sexual partners/lovers, but not be in a love relationship with another partner... also you can be poly-amorous while only being sexual with one partner, but having two or more "loves" for instance a boyfriend and a girlfriend, maybe you are in love with both of them and for whatever reason only have a sexual relationship with one of them.. poly=more than one/many amour=love (as opposed to lover)
as long as there is honesty
5 years ago
If the multiple lovers know of eachother, then yes, its polyamory- and yes,Meya, you are correct that you can Love but not be sexually involved with everyone you love.
my turn to wander back towards a closet
5 years ago
Hello all! I just received an interesting email from my parents. They will be visiting later this summer, in July or august. I am very nervous; as both my loves are living here with me, and my folks do not know we are poly. They have met both my partners, and know I am involved with one, but the other relationship has not come up. I don’t want to have to hide, but I'm concerned if they catch on, or I slip and be a bit more affectionate towards the lover they don't know about. I am used to being honest/open about who I am, and our relationship. Help/advice?
wow marina
5 years ago
Thats gonna be a tough pill for them too swallow...but better now than never....the more you hide it the worst the outcome is gonna be....
the "this is my other boyfriend" approch?
5 years ago
What you are saying is to be straightfoward about it? like brinnging our relationship up? Am I correct in reading that?
yes
5 years ago
that`s the only way because whatever happens is gonna happen eventually anyway..so it`s best too just get it over with..besides you`ll feel alot better...
EEEEEEEEEEEPP!
5 years ago
Ok so I am chicken. Any other ideas? It looks like the parents will be visiting in august.
5 years ago
Why are you chicken? Do you have open communication with your parents? Or are they "authoritarian" over you? meaning you usually do as they tell you, and you have always pleased them (been a good daughter)?
I usually give in
5 years ago
I usually have ended up doing as they tell me- and "open communication" was mostly "family conferences" over dinner criticizing my life, friends or grades. Also anything important to me seems to go away. Maybe life situations for some, but I almost never had time of my own, and my parents were of the opinion that I needed to earn my privacy, and taught now to be independent enough (this is why I prefer living a time zone away)
Well, my OPINION is that...
5 years ago
if you think they will have a strong NEGATIVE response to what kind of love life you're having, it would be best if you just kept it secret. There are still gay people who chose to stay "in the closet." And they have very good reasons to. My opinion is that there is no need to add any extra stress or discomfort when there really doesn't need to be. Hopefully your other partner can understand my point of view. It's important to maintain a good relationship as possible with your parents. It's not a life-or-death situation such that they must know. Unless you all travel together, and you visit your parents a lot, it shouldn't be a problem keeping it "under the radar." Maybe one day you won't be afraid to tell them. That would be the time to tell them. My opinion only. Take it or leave it. Have a great weekend!
Everyone knows our/my situation
5 years ago
I do understand keeping "in the closet"- and I have PLENTY to chose from. My parents have had strong negative reactions to other things about. I also can include my late godfather in those I know who have been assaulted for being out about who they are. It comes down to the fact that I get tired of hiding, and the debate continues in my head. Thanks!
Anonymous
closets are for brooms and skeletons
5 years ago
Before I could ever be out I'd have to first define in a way that would be understandable to those I was out to what, exactly, my orientaion, proclivity, preference, identify, etc. It feels uncomfortable putting any kind of label on something so amorphous as desire. Still, I can certainly understand being sick of hiding that part of myself.
Let your concerns be non-issues
5 years ago
Marina - My huble suggestion, if I may offer it, is to allow the matter to come up naturally, if it comes up at all. Say you show more than plutonic affection for the unknown love, should ma or pa askabout it, be gentle and tell them in vague terms (this will be a subtle hint to them that they shouldn't ask if they don't want to know) something like "I feel like this is right" and "I'm okay and I know what I'm doing but thanks for being concerned" If all else fails, you can always fall back on telling them that if it helps, they can consider it a phase, and maybe you'll grow out of it some day...way down the road. I hope this helps and good luck! By the way, will you be going to the Country Fair this year?
Country Fair?
5 years ago
What Fair? Of course you can share your opinion- otherwise I probably would not have founded this community the behavior you suggest is my usual way I live, I just panic around my folks.
ok change of direction
5 years ago
from my last question to now. does anyone have any tips on how to courting women- woman to woman? I may have somone- now need pointers on how to go about this.
Country Fair
5 years ago
It's a big counter culture shin-dig in Ventea (east of Eugene) that takes place the second weekend of July. One of the pre-cursers of events like Burning Man.
courting women
5 years ago
this one can be so tricky because it is hard to tell if there is a sexual connection there or not, you can "go out" with another female and it could be a date or it could just be a night out... it can be really hard to tell... i think that treating it just like a date with a male is the way to go... lots of eye contact and cute smiles... play with your hair... make it obvious that you are attracted to her. If you think she is into you, but arent quite sure your best bet is probably to be straight with her and tell her that you are attracted to her.. if she feels the same way, great, if not she will either just say, oh, thanks, but no thanks, or she will freak out. if she cant be friends with you, just because you think she's hot then she may not be friend material anyway... I think just use your best judgement and you will be fine.... It is a little harder than dating a male though, cause that whole cultural acceptance thing isnt there, so sometimes you have to be a little more bold. good luck with your parents... i dont know what to tell you about that... whatever you do will turn out fine in the end though, i am sure! hugs!
We have a mutual attraction currently
5 years ago
Meya- thank you very much for your thoughts. Some things are covered already- there is a mutual attraction, we are both bisexual, and there is a sexual attraction- some of what is difficult is its long distance, and a high school friend of mine- we have stayed in contact and close since then. So I guess imput on any other angle is what is needed now.
relatonships...sheesh!!
5 years ago
something that can be so natural and so organic can become so fraught with difficulty once there are others to consider. Why? Because we have to worry about their 'feelings'? Maybe it;s just the Scorpio in me, but it is very easy for others to have their feelings hurt if they want them to be hurt. Speaking from personal experience, the most wonderful relationship I ever had was dashed when 'friends' of my partner questioned our love...and then so did she. so maybe it wasn't so perfect, but it was great up to that point. C'est la vie, c'est l'amour...
poly"love" or polygamy is natural.....
3 years ago
hi,
 While polygamy is an underlying force of polyamor.......i share my thoughts here....
 As of today, according to modern science monogamy virtually does not exist, contrary to all scientific beliefs of the past. The only monogamic species is a intestinal parasite which lives inside the amazonian Piranha fish. Monogamy is key to the diversity in the living world. Also, in nature we see polyamourous life!
 In human, monogamy is an advanced sexual strategy developed over years, which by concept, makes a female determine or choose the father of the offspring. Although practically it cant be true. Monogamy is strongly advocated and brought in practice by western religious cultures that are monotheists, teach people to belive in single power or force, wchich has strong patriarchal roots. In modern world, these intellects lobbied into genetic modification of organisms to create uniform variteies and clones.May be this "mono" beliefs, concepts are cause of widespread hatred, anger and intolerance?
 Basically, you have a natural drive to be polygam or polyamor, however, the policies of "mono" philosophies catalyses with own conscience to morally decided no to. A double standard, lying yourself, then what is actually truth?
 So "many love", polyamor is wonderful. A brave decision by the founders of polyamory to spread more love..........(dont want to write more to waste your time. let´s love)
2 years ago
Hello group- as far as what "poly" is - one can argue the possible defined finer points of its definition- but, in reality all it truly means is to be involved with the action of becomming the potential of what love can be.
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