I'm noticing it's quiet around here... What are ya'll really doing that is keeping your fingers soo busy?

I'm new to this , I'll admit, but as my marriage is ending, I'm wondering if this is the real reason I am willing to put it behind me and move on to better things.

I'm not apposed to having more tham one lover at a time, just lying and cheating.

AS it stands now, I have a husband who I am open with about my being a Domme and taking subs, I just don't have intercourse with them. He's good with that, but in so many other ways it's not working out so I'm getting a divorce.

I'm looking foreward to learning more about the lifestyle and seeing what is talked about on this board.

LisaC.

My partner & I have recently, in the last few days, started conversing about polyamory. We've been together 7 years & even though we have an abundance of love for each other, I am worried that jealousy & insecurities, on both sides, may cause problems in the future. So, I guess my question is - How do people handle these situations where jealousy may raise it's ugly head later on?

I'm happy to be here & like a few others above, look forward to learning..

Peace & Love,

Deanna

I finally got off my duff and decided to take a virtual stroll around the communities here.

From the few posts that I've read so far, I am very happy to see one wrt this topic; I'm 30, poly and engaged. And we are both very happy, and I feel blessed to have such  close friends and lovers as I do.

Jealousy is an emotion (a 'symptom').  Polyamory is a 'condition' in which jealousy can occur.  Staying focused on the condition and it's founding principles (YOUR principles) can certainly help in enhancing or combatting any of the 'symptoms'.

For me this is very simple to do.....the main principle of polyamory shouldn't be "what can it do for me", but rather, "what can it do for my partner?"  Isn't it "True" love to want to give your partner as much fulfillment as possible in their life?  I know that I cannot fulfill all of her needs and I would rather her "have it all", than for me to "have her all to myself".

Jealousy is indicative of selfishness.  Poly is about selfLESSness; wanting the MOST for the most important person to you on this earth!  And in return, the fulfilled heart of your partner will want to give you that same fulfillment of your own desires and needs.

Once this circle of unconditional love is established and running between the partners, there's very little room for destructive emotions like jealousy.  Jealousy becomes such a complete contrast to your principles that it will seem totally illogical to you to even THINK of it, much less participate in it.

Darly

Hi, I'm Kathy & I'm new here. I've been a member for a while but I couldn't post due to computer problems.

I'm in a polyamoruous marriage.  We've been married for 31 1/2 yrs and my husband has had another love for the last 8 1/2 and I have had a beloved for the last 14 mos.

For us, this life seems to work quite well but it does take a lot of trust as well as a high degree of open, sometimes uncomfortable communication.  We have had our moments of jealousy and insecurity but overall it's been more positive than negative.  We are on this journey together and expect to spend the rest of our lives together.

I'm glad to have found you guys, I hope to meet other poly's for friendship and support. 

Hello All, my name is JeRee. My husband and I share an open marriage. We talked about it for a long time before we actually made any moves to live it. Now we have been "actively dating" others for about 3 years. The most important thing is honesty and trust...and we have both for each other.

We do keep our poly-ness in the closet where family is concerned. They are not nearly as openminded as I wish they were. For now it works for us...when the time is right it will change.

I can't wait to get to know everyone here.

JeRee

First off I want to say thanks for adding me and Im hoping by joining that I can find the comfort that Im seeking. Now to explain my situation Im a 37 yr old female who is involved with an polyamorous man....we have been together for a little over  two yrs now. Our relationship started off  strange actually ,at the time I was in a relationship and on top of being in the swinging lifestyle..so when I met him ( my current bf) him and his gf at that time where looking for an extra female to fit into their relationship, and I came to understand that him and her both were married to someone else on top of their relationship, but I understood that so I agreed to meet them both. The more and more time went by me and him grew very close and fell in love all the while he told me that his current gf and him werent doing so good and . So to make a long story short me and him fell in love immensley and I was made to believe that his wife and gf were out of the picture. So as our relationship grew more and more intense I still doubted that his relationship was over and did find out he had been lieing to me about it the whole time and so he suggested that me and his other gf should except each other and love one another and have the respect that he was gonna have a relationship with the both of us...but the main thing ...I was to drop being a swinger cause he couldnt understand it...nor could I understand his polyamory relationship with 3 women. So when I decided I couldnt be involved in that ...again he swore to me that he would try to be monogamously with me and that things would get better....well I beleived and Ive tried to work with him on things but til this day he still denies being with his other gf and he doesnt wont to admit to me that he cant be any other way...so that leaves me out there not knowing how to handle this and feeling like im in a whirlwind.... I love him deeply and Im sure his other gf does as well but how does someone(like me) whose monogamous love an polyamorous person...not sure if it will ever work. I would love some help on this. Thanks

Kimmie

Hi,

I have had two long time mono marriages are we are still friends. I have had one poly relationship before and am more at the poly curious side.

looking forward to like-minded lovers,

flora

I just have a few minutes to say hello  Marina and to all of the rest of you. I hope to get better aquianted with this group and to enjoy as well, meeting and getting to know the rest of you as well. For me, the art to being poly which most people have a great misunderstanding about is the fact that in the art of loving, it's not just the action of but the thoughts of love that many people still have great difficulty in understanding ( let alone coping with) Consepts of sex intermingling with emotional aspects of the being that we all are trying to be. Mixed with so many different aspects ( or in I guess this is just me) facets of what it is to be a human truly ( or at least aware of ) the art of loving as an expression in the art of living. Just accepting and expressing with no fear which is still a difficult thing in this society. regardless of gender or preferrence or dogma.  Still maintaining that somewhat elisabethan attitude while trying to florish in an idealistic victorian way. It's not an easy thing to do when most people do not understand what love is ( even in simplistic rudimental definition) which can and does make the journey at times a heavy and somewhat issolated one.

thats just my take on it

Wanted to introduce my self to all you wonderful people who seem to understand love is not a restriction but a gift to be shared.  Thanks for letting me join this group.  You can learn more about me on my care2 page or my blog http://rickinjaxfl.blogspot.com  Looking forward to one day meeting some of you.

Just wanted to welcome all those who have joined anonymously and hope you can find some of the answers you are looking for without the fear of reprisal from those you love.  As a gay man, I have been in polyamorus relationships most of my adult life.  This seems natural to me as I grew up with 5 brothers and 2 sisters who I love (not always equally).  The love I have for them does not include sex though there was some experimentation as we aged (which I believe to be natural also).

It was quite natural for me to become polyamorus as an adult since this background, though confusing at times, taught me I could love more than one person at a time.  Adding sexual activity into the mix took a little longer as I had also been taught to look for that 'one and only' love of a lifetime. 

I have found, over the last 22 years, a joy in this lifestyle that I believe many have forsaken.  Nonetheless, it is not for me to judge how others live their live as long as I live mine honestly.

My family still has a difficult time understanding and, of course, my parents never accepted my lifestyle.  Still, they all continue to love me to the best of their ability.  I have discovered the main difficulty in having polyamorus relationships is not ignoring or causing any member of the relationship to feel left out either sexually or emotionally but most importantly emotionally. 

My lovers all know each other and have their own interpersonal dynamics that I must respect without trying to interfere.  This is the hardest thing for me because, of course, I want ideally everyone to be happy.  Still, we all love one another and that has made it possible to maintain these relationships for many years.

So, to the anonymous members as well as all others, I would like you to know long term polyamorus relationships are possible and beautiful.  I have been blessed and though am HIV+ am fortunate none of my partners ever became infected.  This now is the one thing I must face alone yet I am still surrounded  by their love.

Glad you are all here!!!!

Rick

thats the story, of thats the glory of Love." Thanks for joining us here Rick Ialso appreciate your comments on your life and the recognition of the anonymous polys. It is a fact that some view the life as not committed and I find this thinking alien. Some others are threatened by the thought of relationships threat don't fit their definition of "normal". Again I am too free thinking, and generous to understand how something so pure as love and caring can be a threat. Anyway, welcome.

Michael,

Thanks for your warm welcome and though I do not get to browse the group as much as I like, I appreciate your acknowledgement and acceptance.

Until we meet again, if ever,

Rick

I am a member here who has been poly all my life....but never able to find someone or a couple to accept me as a member of a poly family.....I guess the stigma of being a single poly male is one that will never go away....I do understand the rules and bounderies of the poly lifestyle, just cannot find anyone that understand that I do know the "rules".....Hope to hear from others who feel the same and those of you who might have some ideas on how to combat this issue
Woody