use donor sperm or egg to conceive a child, if you and your partner were not able to conceive naturally?
WOW! You come up with some great questions that really make you think! I have two children that we both created so this I am not sure of. I know I always wanted children, i dont think I could ever live without them. Yes i think I would if we could afford it. It takes alot of$ and insuranse doesnt always cover it. I feel bad for woman who want to have children and cant and there are so many woman who can have children an dthaen take it for granted! i would conseder it yes. I would definatly call up Dwayne Johnson to be a donor!LOL!
Yes, I would consider it. Where a child came from is such a flimsy basis to choose how much you will love the child; and if you decide to raise a child, one of the partners having an issue should be no reason to result in the loss of a lifetime.
But speaking of raising children who are not genetically your own, I would definitely prefer adoption over donor sperm/eggs. So many children go loveless and forlorn for no fault of theirs; it's just a cruel blow that life deals them. If someone denied of a complete family for reasons beyond their control, cannot empathise with the lot of an orphan, perhaps that person will not make a good parent, after all. This is what I think.
Anupam - thanks for your honest answer. I felt exactly the same way about a year and a half ago when we began our adoption journey. Now, after 2 failed matches and several additional leads that went nowhere, I wonder if I can really become a parent this way. If we had $20+ grand to drop on the associated fees, we'd have had 10 kids by now. But we're not wealthy, and that's what it takes - a great deal of money or a great deal of luck - to adopt either internationally or domestically in the US.
We've become foster parents this spring, and we haven't had a placement yet. This Monday we may finally have a little baby foster daughter, but it isn't certain, and we don't know how long we'll have her for. The idea of caring for and attaching to a child only to have to return them to their first families was what kept me from looking into foster care initially. But when we saw what we were up against in the "traditional" adoption arena, we figured we'd leave no stone unturned.
Bottom line, 1) adoption is not as easy as some folks think it is (as I did), even for those willing to take on the additional challenges of a child with a different medical, familial, even ethnic heritage, and 2) I no longer judge women for that insatiable desire to want to carry and birth a child. While certainly that doesn't make a parent, it is a completely separate experience from adoption, and one will not take the place of the other.
Having said that, I personally would not use donor egg or sperm bc I want a child with my spouse. Either biologically related to both of us or neither. Otherwise, I'd be creating a genetic step-child for one of us, and I'm not comfortable with that.
Sorry so long winded. All of this has been on my mind recently, and I wanted totally unbiased opinions - from folks who are not pursuing either adoption or fertility treatment.
And I got it, so thanks to both of you! 
I LOVE that you have become a foster family! It is such a good thing. There are so many children who need good homes. There are so many people who become foster families only for the money, it is sad. I think you will be a great foster mom. I am excited for you. It is also hard not to get attached, be careful! I would love to do it, I don't have the room. Good luck and keep us posted on what's going on! Have fun!!
its exhausting. i was bracing myself at first, but realized that baby v needs me to be attached to her, so that she can learn to form healthy relationships throughout life. we're in week 3 now, at least 2 more weeks and not sure after that...
and they dont pay anywhere near making arofit - we can barely cover pt bbsit, never mind formula and diapers. anyone using foster care as income must be neglecting the kids.
Oh!MY! You poor thing! I know kids are expensive, but what you are doing is so great! Yes the baby does need to form a bond. How can you not fall in love with a helpless child. I cant imagine what you are going through. Keep up the great work. i am here for you! I am a infant/toddlr teacher if you have any questions concerns ask i would be more than happy to give you what ever advise I can. I know you must have social workers and people coming by, but friends are always nice to have too. have a great week with that little one and I will keep you on my thoughts! I send possitve thoughts your way!!
This is a link (i hopefully pasted correctly - if not and you would like to learn a little more insight about foster care systems in America, go to drphil.com and in his search engine type: 'Caught in the System') to a tv show I watched and found this information to be invaluable. I hope you will find some information just as invaluable as I did.
http://drphil.com/shows/show/1290/
Bless your hearts & souls for giving someone a difference in their lives.
Yes you did great and it was a great link! Foster care can be so brutal, but it can be so safe and caring for many children. It is a great thing when people care and dont just want to take advantage!
thanks for the link, Angela. And thanks for the offer of advice, Kim. We've had Baby V for 6 weeks now, and it looks like she may be here until March. She is RIGHT THERE almost crawling, and we think she may take off this week... so now we're wondering how to accomodate her soon newfound desire for this mobility?
LOTS of baby proofing get down to her level and see what she can see you would be amazed what they will find. It is so great she will be there for awhile more. How are you doing? Is there any possibility you may be able to adopt. Or you are just wanting to be foster parents. I hope it all works out for you. you and your family are in my thoughts! Take care of yourself.
Technically, there's always the chance that we can adopt. And we would LOVE to adopt Baby V. She has grown on us these last 2 months and we truly love her! But right now we have to root for her parents to regain custody of her. So I pray for God's will, which is for Baby V's best interest, to be done, even if that means we have to say goodbye to her. But if that happens, I think in the future I will only want to do fost-adopt. At least until I have one of my own, forever kids that isn't going anywhere. People were right, it IS hard. And I now understand why they say that parenting is the hardest job you'll ever love. I love my work job, but it's so easy compared with parenting Baby V! lol
You said it!! It is a hard job, but so worth it. i will keep you in my thoughts that everything will work out for you! Have a great day!
