First of all thanks to everyone for their words of comfort and sympathy. It means a lot to me. Thank you to those who took the time to visit Piddles web pages. Piddles passing was not easy. That is one thing that really saddens me. I could do nothing to ease her pain and it tore my heart out every time she cried in distress and pain.
Unfortunately all the vets who do farm calls here are large animal vets and if this had been a horse you can be sure they would have immediately dropped what they were doing and rushed to save a horse. But the attitude seems to be Piddles was 'just a goat'. She died well before any vet would have gotten here. Believe me, i called EVERY vet I knew of and none were in any hurry to treat a goat. In spite of telling them it was an emergency and if they did not come right away she wouldn't make it, she would not last 2 hours OR MORE.....which was the amount of time they estimated before they could come and two of the vets were less then 20 minutes away. Well, Piddles wasn't 'just' a goat, and while I now know she was beyond saving, I had hoped a vet could have made it here in time to at least make her journey pain-free.
But something truly amazing happened the other day and I know she is safe and her little spirit is soaring the heavens. I believe all animals have a soul and go to heaven. There have been references in the Bible stating this is so, but it has been my belief since I was a little girl. I have looked into the eyes of animals and have SEEN their soul. They have and feel love for eachother and their humans. They are very intelligent and extremely affectionate and that is only one of the reasons I am a vegetarian.
Call me crazy, but I asked Piddles to send me a sign she was OK and made it to the 'other side', or heaven if you will. The other day there were goat tracks in the snow where NO GOAT HAS EVER BEEN since the goats are in a fenced area and the tracks were near the house. There were four tracks near my truck with NO OTHER tracks leading to or from the four in the snow. One lone track was at my back door, and as with the others, no other tracks leading to or from the one track. It was like she touched down and then took flight. While deer hooves and goat hooves are very similar, and we do have deer in the back woods and the back pastures, we have had NO deer up near the house or barns. These were also very small tracks, smaller then those of deer. If it had been deer, there would have been many more tracks coming from and going back to the woods. I searched a very wide area looking for more hoof prints, but there were none. None in the field, woods, or yard near the snow prints I found.
Piddles had the best life I possibly could have given her. She knew she was so very much loved and spoiled. She knew she was my baby. Her problem was something that happened internally and could not be detected. I know in my heart it was not my fault and I could not have prevented it. Nothing the vet could have done would have saved her. Simply, her journey and mission here were done and it was her time to go. Still I grieve her passing and will for some time yet because I did love her and I will miss her. I go out and expect to see her or hear her bleat her 'hello' to me as she used to always do.
The rest of the goats are doing fine. Buddy, Piddles adopted 'son' and bonded 'pal' seems a little different. I know he misses her, but he is getting extra love and attention now and he seems to be a little brighter each day and more like is happy-go-lucky self. He will be OK. The other 17 goats are well but I now spend even more time with them all since I lost my baby.
My heart heals a little more with each passing day also. Piddles will always be a huge part of my soul. Sometimes I wonder how I will be able to go through this again and again when my other animals as they eventually and inevitably pass on. So I will love them a little bit more, and spoil them a little bit more, and make their life here the absolute best until then. I find comfort in knowing that someday, my furred friends and I will be reunited when it is my time to go....just as the poem says.
I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.
A million times I needed you, a million times I cried.
Sharon, this is so lovely. I printed it off and put it in a frame. I cried like a baby when I read it.
You wrote what I feel when I loose one of my babies, but I never had the words.
We lost Gus last week. I still look for him in the back yard. When I give out cookies in the afternoon I always remember how much he loved them.
When I think of you and Puddles I think of how I would feel when something happens to Shirley. I think that will be a pain like no other. That's how I know this pain is so great for you and how a piece of your heart is missing. I know you still cry and your heart is so broken. Sharon I wish so much I could take the pain away. I know there is no way. It's the price we pay for having such love in our life.
Your in my thoughts and prays Sharon. Michele
Oh Michele, that is so sad that Gus is gone. I adored that donkey!! I know you miss him terribly, he had such a personality. How old was he?
I hope Shirley stays around for many more years. You two are so bonded it is going to be very difficult for you just as Piddles passing was for me. But you have given her a second chance at life and she has given you so much love in return....such a gift. If not for you, Shirley would not be alive today. She is a very special girl, and you are an extraordinary person to have taken on her and all the special needs animals in your care.
I am not sure who wrote the poem, but I notice it didn't get posted in it's entirety. The last lines should have read
Thanks Sharon for the rest of the poem.
The donkey is still here. Gus was our little male goat. We got Gus when we had Shirley into a vet when she was just a baby. We searched every vet to help us and everyone told us to put her to sleep because of she would never be able to walk. Gus was there, he was so tinny and had a kidney stone. They were going to put him to sleep because he couldn't pass it. We brought him home and I put him a warm bath and he passed the stone and lived for another 6 years. He had lots of episodes of kidney infection and even with Ammonium Chloride but always pulled through. This time I gave him a cookie during cookie time and he wouldn't take it, so I knew he was sick.
I brought him in the house and put him on a blanket and gave him vit B and ammonium chloride but it didn't help. He only urinated very small amounts and he seemed to be in pain. I gave him some pain medication and held him. He relaxed and kept looking at me so I just held him until Clayton got home. When Clayt got home I asked him to check to see if Gus was still alive because I was afraid to put him down, Gus cried when I would put him down. Apparently, Gus had been died for over an hour. What is important to me is I was there for him and I held him as long as he he needed me.
It's hard at cookie time because he was always first in line for cookie time. Emily who thought Gus was her baby has needed me so much the last few days and somehow that helps. I feel like Emily and I have something to share because we both miss Gus so much. I think Emily will be ok because she's sociable. When George died it took Lora over 2 years to come out of depression. She cried for George at night. She came around when we got a sick little goat who didn't have a companion. Lora has taken over and somehow it has helped get her past George. George and Lora came here when George developed Gangrene after someone banded him. He had a smell because of it and to this day I look at his picture and I can smell George. It's not a bad smell it just George.
I know the pain I have when I loose them is because I'm so blessed to have their love.
Shirley is 6 years old now and she still needs to be rocked in the rocking chair. I just love holding her. She will be a void that nothing will ever fill. I look at her and I just can't imagine my life without her. Michele
Just an update. Thelma my little goat that started giving milk a year ago, is still giving milk. She gives about a pint a day. Just enough for Gracie Lu's (pig) dinner. I never had much luck milking her so Clayton always milked her. Well, Clayton will be going off to Notre Dame at the end of the summer so he's been teaching me how to milk Thelma and how to get the grain mixer to work. Ami (my step daughter) just got back from Iraq and is stationed in New York and Clayton will be gone so mom has to learn how to run this farm without help.
It takes me a bit longer and I don't always hit the bucket but Thelma knows I'm still learning.