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Meeting/Dating People Offline
14 years ago
| Blue Label
The new thing now seems to be finding the "One" online whether it be through, or simply a place like Care2 where like minds congregate. But for some, online dating is too risky, not personal enough or simply does not fulfill the emotional and spiritual needs one has when looking for a partner.
I have found that there are certain ways to find people in the real world and psychological tactics that tell you if the person is really interested. When searching for that special someone you must either a) allow fate to magically spring you together without any effort on your part. And no I am not being sarcastic. It does seem like the moment you stop looking, the universe provides. So if possible, try relaxing, focus only on yourself and quit worrying about what other people may think of you. By being comfortable in your own skin and exuding confidence others will be immediately attracted to you. Or b) you can tackle dating as if you are on a quest, armed and ready for battle. In this there are a few rules. You cannot be shy, you cannot belittle yourself, always be on the prowl for one that you are immediately attracted to and always be full of confidence and calm. If this  active method is the one you prefer to try then let's first discuss great places to meet a partner. Some of these are personal success places and others are borrowed from friends.
First, when looking for people, look for common signs that they are actually single, so avoid people with the obvious marriage band, signs of children. Look at the person, catch their eye first and hold if for slightly longer than normal. Then smile, does the other person smile back? Did they seem interested? Then approach . . So, to begin, here are some good places to meet and approach people . . .

1. The most obvious places to find people are in areas that you, yourself like to spend time in. Places like bookstores, do you see someone attractive in the same genre you like? See if you can catch their eye and start a conversation if possible about the books around you. By meeting people in places that hold interest for you, you immediately have conversation fodder and time to figure out if there is interest in this person. Other places are museums, botanical gardens, anywhere you like to be. I have meet many people at ski resorts, they are usually an outdoorsy type that I am immediatly attracted to and vice versa.

2. Other place is a class, I remember one year being determined to find someone that semester in college. The first day of class I scanned the room, found someone I liked and sat down right beside them. By the end of the day I had 5 phone numbers, not bad for the first day. And it doesn't have to be a college class, it could be any class offered by the local community center, like a pottery or photography class. Or a class on hotriculture. Find a class you have an interest in and then go in with the intent of finding someone. Sit down next to the person and strike up a conversation. It was by this method that I found Joel, my fiance.

3.In line, anywhere. Seems simple right? Well, the longer the line the better. Scout out the line. If there anybody you are attracted to, see if you can get closer to them. I once was in line getting ready to register for a class and I noticed a man that I was immediately attracted to in the rear of the line. I said, "Screw it" and walked to the back and immediately struck up a conversation. Try to avoid subjects about the weather, but do talk about things that are important to you. If you like fishing, ask the person if they fish. It may seem odd, but people are BORED in lines, and as long as you are friendly and not scary and if there is attraction, you'll be fine. If you try and the person doesn't seem to responsive, they probably aren't single or at least aren't interested, so change the subject to something less personal and at least part as friends.

4. I have friends that also recommend more common places like the supermarket, hardware stores or the laundromat. The produce is a good place to find people as you probably linger there the longest. Scan and if you see someone you like, wander over, pick up a piece of fruit and nonchalantly ask that person if they think it is ripe. Don't ask them if they know where they leeks are, because by doing so, you will be removing yourself from them. Be flirtatious if you can. Produce sections are great places for men to find women as they can play on some amount of ignorance in order to jumpstart a conversation, like, "is this cabbage or lettuce, I can't tell", ect.
The hardware is the opposite in that a woman can and purposefully play off some ignorance in order to jumpstart the conversation. Plus, hardware stores have tons of sexy lingo that are perfect laugh fodder. Like, "which would be better for this job, a long screw or a short one?" You get the idea . . .if it makes you uncomfortable to play off ignorance, than I wouldn't recommend this one, although, it can be fun.
In the laundromat, be a nerd and say something fliratatious like, "nice socks" or something that might equally get a laugh or too. If you want to be sly, come in intentionally without fabric softner and ask the attractive person if you can borrow some. Like standing in lines, laundrymats are BORING places and you have plenty of time to converse and see if there is interest.

Okay, now you actually have approached someone and you are talking, how do you know if they are interested in you? To be continued . . .
They're Interested, Now What?
14 years ago
My advice would be to request a full psychological and financial profile including information from their last 3 sexual partners. You will want to find out whether the person is already married, bisexual, transexual, a gun running transvestite, emotionally unavailable, in hock to the IRS or currently starring in an episode of Jerry Springer, Divorce Court or A Current Affair. You should also have a recent HIV test result from the person in case you find him or her particularly suitable.   
14 years ago
Hysterical... a sad but true commentary on society and relationships today. No wonder the divorce rate is finally declining... fewer and fewer want to jump into the craziness and fear of dating anymore!

What the heck ever happened to the old "dinner and movie" date of our yesterdays? And WHY did it become socially acceptable to jump in the sack with a near perfect stranger on the first date? The dating thing nowadays is all so very frustrating.

I'm venting... I'll get off my soapbox before I get on a good old fashioned ramble and talk everyone's ear off.
14 years ago
Since we are adding good advice here's a heads up if you live in the states.  Most states in this country have a website where you can look up if anyone has been in prison or if they have a warrent.  Look under department of corrections and the state.    But don't depend on it if they have been in jail but didn't get put in the prison system it won't show up.  I know this because the dude I wrote about in the other post served 18 months but didn't show up on the site. 
dating offline
14 years ago

Personally, online thing hasn't worked for me.  People I've met online have dissapointed me and different what they said (online) they wanted in a relationship, or even the way they looked (provided old pics).  

I like the idea of 'grocery' place to meet people.  I haven't really tried it.   That should be better than trying at bars!

14 years ago
ANYWHERE is better than a bar, imo. But I have heard of some success stories from bar hookups, so ya never know!
14 years ago
Couple of my friends met their husbands at bars and they turned out fine.  Yes, you can meet nice people there.  I still believe in whatever is meant to be.   i'm not really ruling out 'bar'.  Personally, if I go to a bar, it has to be bar/dancing, preferrably with a live band.  At least you get to enjoy the music if you don't meet anyone.
Not entirely tongue in cheek
14 years ago

On A Current Affair last night, I saw a story about a woman who met a guy and decided "he's gorgeous, he's the one I want for life." A short time later, he gets arrested. Turns out he had given her a false name. Was wanted for rape. Now that he's in prison, he's been charged with 2 murders from different states. And what does the woman say to having learned her fiance is a rapist and probably a gruesome murderer. She's sticking with him, sending letters, cards, etc back and forth.

I read a tragic story of a football player who married a woman that everyone warned him against. One of her more endearing habits was her thing about pointing guns at him. He broke up and still went back to her. Well, he's dead. Of course, she killed him.

There's an attractive older woman in our church, a teacher, who met some drug user from prison who she has been tied to now for 15 years as he goes in and out of prison with various charges. She even divorced him and went back to him

And as for Springer, I see him as an equal opportunity exploiter of the sickness of society. You find white women tied to toothless white hillbillies, black guys with a white woman and probably incesting her daughter. Even if you allow for the possibility some of this is fake, why would all these people go on national tv to debase themselves.

My point, in this rambling message, is that sometimes people get involved with folks that alarm bells, sirens, bugles and trumpets are warning them against and end up wasting or even losing their lives. And it's hard to understand why.  

thank you leafy t
14 years ago
yes life is funny, the moment that you are not looking for The One, the universe provides the most beautiful reflection of who we the times where my heart is lonely, sadened, or longing, i read Rumi, the prophet, the wise man, who Teh Beloved truly spoke from.
May you always walk in beauty my friend
14 years ago
If you don't like bars, they are a terrible place to meet people.
If you do appreciate a good bar (like me) they are a good place to meet people.

I think it's all part of that "don't pretend to be something you are not" thing.

14 years ago
Your comment about the strange idea that a first date should entitle anyone to sex is part of what I was getting at when I said people either make snap decisions to become involved and even get married to the wrong person or they remain with that person even after anyone with common sense would say, "well he's murdered and raped in 2 or 3 states, I can do a little bit better than this."
14 years ago


My experience with dating online was that false expectations build up very easily on both sides. It is hard to stay real and not have false expectations when a person is 5,000 miles away. It is  a little difficult to go on dates too.....

Of course, this tends to happen in the first stages of dating no matter what.... part of that falling in love thing, where unconditional love (and/or lust) sees no faults.

I believe karma brings some people together, for better or worse, as in the cases above.

Let's go to the movies, should we take my carma, or yours?



14 years ago
I'm sorry about your bad experience. True people build up expectations that sometime are not met... But there are also good experiences of online contacts... mine for example. We went very fast from email to IM to phoning and decided to meet after a short period for exactly that reason, but it was not 5000 miles - just 250 km. ar
Interesting :)
14 years ago

Well, I did NOT listen to my "Warning Bells"...not only once, but several times (Kenyetta can add me to his list of DO NOT's)  Ha!

Maybe I should have met someone on-line, in a bar, etc. (the DO NOT places)...because the following so-called good places did not work for me, for instance:

1)  I met and dated a doctor at McDonald's, but later found out, he was engaged to someone when he met me...Man!  Lowdown, 'eh?

2)  I met the Navy Seals guy at WalMart's, but later found out he was a KKK member and threatened to have my black friend and me 'disappear' if my friend didn't cut our friendship...I showed him the door; and still watching my back!  (Kind of makes you want to carry a mirror so you can see behind you at all time..Ha!) 

3)  I met my ex-Iranian husband at work, who treated me like 'gold' until I married him, then he became a person like on the movie "Not Without my Daughter"; he also threatened to sneak my son to Iran and sell him for sex, because he would get alot of money for a blue-eyed blonde boy child...I almost choked him to death in our work parking lot...But, he never said it again! 

4)  I met my first husband, from my town, who later said, "Women love men in uniforms, and I don't know how to say NO..."  I showed him how, and sent him out the door...(Nice guy, 'eh?) 

Ha!  Ha!  I could go on...One of these days I'm going to write a book, but no one will ever believe it! 

So...see 'why' I'm "Emotionally Unavailable" 

I think folks should have to answer a "Questionnaire and take a Lie Detector Test"...Ha! 



14 years ago

This is just like anything else in life, there is no ONE answer. You must be careful whether you date on-line, or go check out the local bar or library. I have researched into a guy's background for a friend, because we heard rumours of extra ex-wives...I found a total of four-he had not divulged them all and they were case anyone needs to know that is too long to wait to tell secrets like that. He also had an altercation with the law-I'll let you know I can tell if they have been locked up over night and if they posted bond in cash or not!(can only do it for clients~sorry). By the way, the guy was her daughter's soccer coach... I have several friends with a 'how I met my special other' on-line or elsewhere. There are success stories of every shape imaginable. Keep a positive attitude, know that it can take kissing a lot of frogs to find your prince (or princess) and try to keep safe.  Don't meet people in an isolated area until you really know your gut and listen to it when it talks...a little problem that we all have! The key as was mentioned here is to keep it personality comes through in my time you will all know me better...well enough that you will know if you would like to meet in person. There are some odd-balls out there, but we will all watch for that.

One day at a date at a time.


A or B?
13 years ago

Leafy...In response to your posting that started off this thread, it seems to be one of life's mysteries that we are subjected to an either/or choice, rather than have it 'our way' as a combo. Either it is a) leave it to fate or  b) make it a quest. Trying the combo just doesn't seem to work out. Very interesting but oh so true.

13 years ago

Ok I took cold medicine so I may not be getting this right but are you for it or against it LOL Sorry and to who ever it was that said they were seeing old pictures of a person my girlfriend did that she sent out pictures over a dating site but the picture was 10 yrs old and I thought that was very wrong to do if you want to meet someone they have to be who they say they are.


13 years ago
So, Jimmy want method are you trying now, A or B? Or has one worked better than the other for you?
13 years ago

Hello I am new to the group, I am Sharon.  I have tried some on-line dating sights and find that most of the men there are married, or in some kind of relationship. Next meeting them at work is alway's a problem , especially if it doesn't work out. So, I have adopted a line when I am hit on...I ask them are you, Married, dopey, or gay! what's your story?

I know this sounds harsh, and it probably is. However I am totally sick of the line, I want to be honest I am married. What is honest about that statement. I am not talking about open relationships either, because when you push for the wifes phone number , the story changes quick.

So, if anyone has found someone nice to date here, please share the sight you found them at. 

I am not the only one who is fustrated by this, a few of the single girls at work and I got together and made an application for dating and or relationships..we were being funny, and we have handed them to men we thought were just players and general pains. 

 Its 4 pages long and we actually have had a few real men...come back and hand it to us made out!  One who turned and said when do I get an interview? What's a good time to call the boss? and I am pleased to say that  guy, and the billing clerk are still involved and quite serious, a year and a half later.

If anyone wants a copy of that..let me know , Iwill be happy to share it with you. We found it works really well with the dopey ones who you want to disappear to.


13 years ago

Sharon - that applicatoin sounds interesting.  Do you mind emailing me a copy of it?

Regarding posting old pics - thought this was a bit funny yet at the same time didn't really point it out to my friend at the time and now it's just too late in the game to bother (although I think he took his profile off since anyway - hope for us maybe?

Anyway, friend of mine - when we first were talking on the phone before actually meeting - he had said how there were too many women that looked nothing like the pic posted online - that it was an older pic.  Well, on his profile he had 2 pics - one was a recent one but didn't come out all that good - and the other came out good - but you could tell it was old - because the other person in it was in a prom dress (BTW we're both in our early 30s).  Then again he does still look like that older pic - just - well - 10 years older - but still just as handsome.  And, honestly, I still like the connection I have with him. 

13 years ago
Tomorrow night (July 14th) on ABC TV, they are having a show about online dating. It is a 5-part documentary.
Read about it here:


P.S. I met my husband in an IRC chatroom in 1995. We met IRL (in real life) in 1996 and married in 1997. Sometimes, it does work out!
13 years ago

Well, I also met my wife at IRC in 2000, and then we started chatting in MSN and then met in 2001 and got engaged and married after some time in August 2001. It was a successful marriage, and we still love and respect eachother. The only thing we lack is a child, since my wife has block tube, TB and indrometeroses. So that is why I started looking for a date again and see if I can find a good match who I can either marry or have a child from.

Please help me out my dear friends. I really need your assistance. If you want to help me please write me at:

I am waiting for you and your advice or interests.


13 years ago
Who knows, everything is possible... Masood, I don't think it is such a good idea to put your email address openly online... people can contact you through the network messages if they want. I think it is better if you rewrite your post without the email address so we can delete this one. Amos. .
13 years ago

Good Luck Masood

I hope you find what your looking for,just never start with wanting children that scares alot of women away.


13 years ago

I wish you would read your own post again about how you met your wife and how much you love her and if possible try to come up with another solution to your childless problems.  Seems to me you already met your love.  To have one true love in this life is rare, to try to find another will be extremely rare.



Margaret is so typical
13 years ago
She's your average musical Buddhist sensitive liberal Irish police woman with good teeth.
no not so good of teeth
13 years ago

But at least I still got them.

13 years ago
Have you thought about adoption there are probably a lot of children near you who would love to have a family to call their own... All of this biological stuff has got to go. People need to take care of the children that are out here. I know culturally in some places this is not done and that children from all over fend for themselves... But Imagine just for one moment if all children were cared for what a world this would be....  As for online stuff I have many friends and have dated a few I think the verdict is still out for me LOL as I am jaded but not to the point of self distruction.....
13 years ago
Kabul, Kabul, Afghanistan you are also in a country that has a large population of orphaned children.... Adopt a child you will be fulfilled in many ways....
And think
13 years ago
Of all the Blessings you will incur.
Speaking of meeting / dating online
13 years ago

Does anyone else ever wonder why extremely opposite people want to get with you on line?  You write your profile:

Animal lover, liberal in politics, no players and you get a dozen responses by Hunters,extreme right wingers who love to gamble drink and are in to swapping.

Go figure.

It's so painful.....
13 years ago

(my leave of absence officially begins this coming Friday for anyone that wonders why I am here after the network message I sent out yesterday, or umm...spammed, if that is how you consider it . If you haven't received a message, and care too, message me and I will oblige with one)

Margaret: If men (I will be kind on this part) don't listen so well, do you think they are any better with reading comprehension? I actually think that is hilarious!! I bet you've had a few chuckles, though, I hope more laughs than headaches.

Please excuse this off topic of sorts, post...(though, it is trying to get to the point of why someone would be looking online when they already have someone, a wife)

Masood, I am very interested in knowing if your wife approves of your present situation of seeking out another woman to have a baby and to love?

Is this with her permission?

Are you up and leaving her when you find someone else?

Does she think this is fine?

To everyone: I have to say that we are all different in how we react when things don't "work" as expected. Please try to respect others, as, working through these feelings can take time, if it can even be worked out.

Take me, I am 41 1/2, and since age 31, I have had big problems. Prior to having my first of two major complex myomectomies(cutting the tumor out from the lining of the uterus) in order to retain my uterus, I had 2 1/2 years of hell. Going into shock twice from blood loss, very bad pain, and other things I will not put A year later, I find out the problem was back, but that time, the same Dr. that operated on me said he did not know what it was, that it could even be a cancerous mass, even after MRI’s. No one could figure out what happened to his once good mind, as all the specialists I went to over the next two years, could absolutely tell exactly what it was. The same of what I had prior, except this time grown 3 times the size (soccer ball), but removable. In between all these specialists were time gaps due to my struggles of blood loss/anemia, emotional turmoil, and an appointment made for a hysterectomy, cancellations of it, and periods of bed rest due to being so drained. An alternative method called as Uterine embolization in Cornell Medical Center did not work for me, and that was a huge disappointment, and what felt like a year wasted in waiting... Then a year later, a second myomectomy was done, with severe blood loss and thankfully a surgeon that did not believe in transfusions when not necessary (there was a tainted blood situation in nyc at that time). It took me a year to be able to go back to work though. Well, in two weeks, it will be 4 years since that surgery, and I have not had a tumor come back. I met my husband just 2 weeks after the second surgery after praying harder than I ever had, for him to come my way. We’re looking at having a first child....but I am wondering if we are nuts to even try. To say I am scared out of my mind is an understatement.

A first child at 43 is risky (at least in my eyes). The chances of abnormalities are very high, and we could not abort (already discussed). I've been gung ho on adopting. I would love to have 5 kids or so, and I don't mind if they are all adopted. So many babies are born to mothers/parents that can't give what that child needs. We will be able to, and that would allow us to wait a couple of years to begin. But, then, this morning....

But then this morning....
13 years ago

My next door neighbor comes in to inform us of his new daughter being born 5am this morning. I spoke to the mommy in the hospital...

Now, my heart hurts again...

I want a biological child (these tears are real) 

Please, don't second guess the feelings others have. It is not easy to do, no matter how much you want it.

You see, after my last operation (and feeling like I had just been through hell and back), I promised our creator if he could give us one healthy biological baby, I would adopt thereafter. So what if it had to be a cesarean... As a woman, I want to feel what it is like to have a biological child. I want our baby, one with our genes.

I’ve just began researching surrogacy, but, that is not the easiest to do. There is so much that can go wrong, and the cost is something we can not manage now, maybe not for years and years to come.

And, in this, I have sensitivity for anyone else that also wants a biological child, especially in places that other methods are not welcome into their society. Why do you think orphanages are so common outside the U.S.A? Adoption is not.

Though, Masood....


Oh yeah
13 years ago

My husband and I began our relationship online!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I consider this venue no different than any other. There are pro's and con's... People lie in your face and they will lie online. You see, if that same person would lie to you in person, why not online?

Be smart!!! Always investigate who you meet, no matter if they be a future mate or friend.

Best wishes to you all who are looking from someone to love!!!!

13 years ago

Unless you already have someone to love and are looking for another...

People are not throw-a-ways...

Consider their feelings and imagine if you were the one being thrown-a-way.

 How would you feel?

13 years ago

You are the best.

If you want to have a biological baby have yourself checked out thoroughly and if it all seems fine, go for it.  I only caution you to pay attention to everything during pregnancy at our age it is no joke, but many do it everyday and are fine. A friend of mine just gave birth to her first at 42, he is perfectly healthy.  I know a lot of us feel doctors are x*%#@# but it does pay to aire on the side of caution.  Giving birth twice myself it is truly amazing experience, a miracle.  I am sorry for all the pain you had in the past.

on Praying for a mate...I tried that have to be very, very, clear on what you want, because when the universe delivers it hears only what you ask for (the universe cant read our minds, makes me think its a male)

You are lucky you were heard.

Love to you, may you receive all you desire in this world.

Peace and Love. Peace not Pieces


a) fate
13 years ago


My ultimate choice is to leave it to fate, at least for anything offline. As for my Care2 profile under "singles" one will find my criteria and expectations of an idea mate. It may not be as detailed as some online matchmaking services, but it will do for now.

For the most part, leaving it to fate seems to work. Looking back on past relationships, there was no effort on my part. It was the input of friends getting involved in matchmaking. 

13 years ago

"on Praying for a mate...I tried that have to be very, very, clear on what you want, because when the universe delivers it hears only what you ask for (the universe cant read our minds, makes me think its a male)"

You are such a (good) trip!!!

You are making me cry, girlfriend! It's all good (this time)! Thank you sooooo much for this!!!! (I'm an emotional basketcase today!! )

Your friend is very blessed. I wish her all the joy in the world with her lil' one. That's a miracle, alright!  I know it is possible, but, the odds are high with having deformaties, etc, later in life.... I take that very serious, as, any one of us can have that happen to us... Many don't think of that.. maybe they are the smart ones?

Who knows, maybe one day we will "find" (our love) a bady online (adoption, what else??), then I would be on topic

To make sense of that mumble jumble
13 years ago

"Who knows, maybe one day we will "find" (our love) a bady online (adoption, what else??), then I would be on topic "

maybe one day we will "find" (our love), a BABY, online...

Praying for a mate
13 years ago

Praying vs. Paying theres a thought.  Leaving it up to my friends, let me think.....NOPE.... Sorry to report most of them as great as they are have not done that well either.  Although you know how it is it is easier to be a better judge for someone outside ourselves.  

I can be such a nerd, it is difficult for anyone to do a proper job.

13 years ago

Not a nerd..... or I am one too.... THAT never worked for me, either. Matter of factly, they were disasters , every single one of them... Though, my hubby, was a "fix-up" of sorts, a long distance one. The person who "recommended him", did not know either one of us, it was their family member that knew both of us...... (if you got that...) 

Go Figure!!

Heeeeeeey, who's buyin'???? (I was speaking of donations happens all over the place, in church's, organizations, online, etc. legal ones, with only legal fees)

Though, if I was not married, and looking I would cost a LOT online!!!

Margaret is such a nerd
13 years ago
So, here we have this intelligent, caring, liberal Buddhist. You have all these other interests and all you're getting is riight wing, wife swapping lunatics? Must be something in the water! 
I wonder if.....
13 years ago

Do you think anyone has ever tried to sell themselves online, in an E-Bay auction due to a lack of funds??????? That would be some wild chit

Kenyatta, don't forget very attractive. You can say that, and not come off as a sexist, as we already know you are not

13 years ago

Leaving it up to friends may not be for everyone, but perhaps you should give them more credit for their efforts? I do realize that my past relationship was the effort of friends and that lead to marriage (within a few months after dating) but which eventually ended in divorce 14 years later. But I would not put any blame on those friends who made the matchmaking effort. 

My experience.
13 years ago
I have tried using various online methods to find a girlfriend, as well as personal ads in newspapers. They always ended in failure. But now I have a girlfriend who I absolutely adore and I know I could live with. How did I meet her? At my best friend's wedding! Something about weddings seems to make it easy to fall in love with someone who is a guest there. Indeed, a new movie, titled Wedding Crashers, actually makes fun of this phenomemon. But it is real! Cheri and I were not looking for a lover at that time, but we saw each other, it just happened, it has blossomed (thanks for a little help from the bride, our mutual friend) and I am simply amazed at the sheer JOY I have felt ever since!!!!!
13 years ago

Brightest blessings to you in your new relationship! Yeah...attending weddings can very much be a good way to meet ones' mate. You probably have heard the expression "love is in the air" (I think it may also be a song by that title). I wonder if it was inspired by weddings?

Congratulations, Seeker!
13 years ago

I am so happy you found your lady love!  How utterly awesome!

Here's to L O V E 

Gotta take exception to something ...
13 years ago

This bit from earlier:

>It does seem like the moment you stop
looking, the universe provides

This has NEVER been true, in my own experience...the instant I stop looking or striving to meet women, I get wrapped up in other activities and I *inevitably* miss a chance with someone promising.  I literralluy can't count how many opportunities I've missed becuase I decided to focus elsewhere, and I've had women tell me literally months or even YEARS later, "You could've had me then but you weren't paying the slightest attention to me."

13 years ago
Eric, what an interesting observation and I'm so sorry you've missed out on those opportunities!
I agree and disagree that the universe provides. I found my husband by being what I call "actively single" and it worked for me.

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, so if it is redundant, I apologize. What worked for me and this is as a student, would be, on the first day of class, to scan the room and look for a guy that just "looked right". Attractive, smart, interesting, lacking any type of ring on his left ring finger and I would make the point of sitting as close to him as possible. Then throughout the semester I would sit near the same person every class and take the opportunities to strike up a conversation, inquire about studying together, that sort of thing. This is how I dated most of the guys I knew in college and how I eventually found my husband.
And I think this situation could work beyond the classroom, maybe sitting near the same person at church or if your office has a cafeteria/restaurant, you could try this too. Or at meetings, something like that. Try scoping the scene for available guys that meet your personal criteria and aim to get near them. And then maybe the "universe will provide".

13 years ago
A long overdue answer, but here it is:  the reason why people go on Springer to debase themselves is for the money they get paid to appear there.  They're amateur actors, pure and simple.
Naked T's advice
13 years ago
I was in a training class when I found my current girl friend. I could not take my eyes off her during the weeks we were in the class. We had lunch together during the break, with the excuse that we were just friends. Hah! When are guys ever just friends?
Mostly good advice, but ...
13 years ago

Not always!  For example,t he commonly repeated myth about how you lose interest in finding someone and then immediately (or close to it) someone finds you.  In my experience, this NEVER proves to be the case!  Whenever I've devoted myself to my own pursuits, I have passed suitable women by right and left and ignored more subtle hints of their interest in me than I could reliably count.  Reason I know this: friends have told me so.  They've witnessed me being literally blind, deaf and dumb to the unmistakable interest of great girls because I was "not looking for it"---and hence, unable to recognize and act upon it when it "happened my way".

I met my ex-gf online, and while she was a train wreck in many respects, I could've encountered her while shopping or at the gym or anyplace else and she'd have worked out about the same, I think.  The stigma against online dating has more to do with the ease with which people can fake their identities online, I suppose, as well as the whole notion that one has to first "give up looking in the real world" in order to look online, which is reliably false.

Hi Eric baby
13 years ago

Eric has received 128 new, 849 total stars from Care2 membersEric has been awarded 228 butterflies for taking action at Care2 Eric G.
Mostly good advice, but ... 11:54 AM
Not always!  For example,t he commonly repeated myth about how you lose interest in finding someone and then immediately (or close to it) someone finds you.

Eric baby awww sweetnes...I think you had the worst luck hon!.

13 years ago
Quoting handsome Eric

The stigma against online dating has more to do with the ease with which people can fake their identities online, I suppose, as well as the whole notion that one has to first "give up looking in the real world" in order to look online, which is reliably false.

I think Eric you are right about this. However I think dating on line has its advantages.
I think that people lie inside the net and outside the net.

There are many that wont show theire pictures or show an ideal image of themselves.

I think the best is to trust but ofcourse we have to be in a way cautious.

If possible bedfore you date have long chats and talk with the people over Ims if possible on themessangers with voice. They are free and they give you an idea of the tone of the voice of the people and you know if they are lying or not.

Webcams. They are an excellent resource to see if the person you are going to meet is what you expect to be somehow, if they are neat or not well organized .Ofcourse not all can afford a webcam. I cant, so the people have to trust that I tell them the truth. Thanks God my best friend that I love with all my heart and soul i going to lend me one of his webcams(thanks you know who you are) and that way he can see with his own eyes if he likes me or not.

I have to say Im in love with someone at the web before I met him in his webcam I could see from the beggining in his threads at care2 and in his post he is a wonderful man. I can feel his soul and I trust him completly.

Now I have to say this. In my real world is Mexico. I have to say I dont date mexican men because they are always liying about theire marriage status and they are not very faithfull. Sorry My mexican guys but I have to say 99.% of the man that I have known cheat on theire wifes and girlfriends and lovers! It is not a pretty thing to see, so my real life saddly is just online.

I just hope I can find someone that shares the same honest , and truthful view I have about love and living together..

Gee Eric. I just cant imagine someone not being good to you. You are such a good man my friend!
13 years ago
bedfore jajajajajajajaja OMG jajajajajajajajajaj my subconcience sorry about that funny typo...I think I have to date soon jajajajjaja
Well, I just don't understand ...
13 years ago
how it could be, Monica, that you could possibly be single for any length of time, with all the lovestruck men you must leave strewn in your wake!  It just defies comprehension to me that any man could possibly resist a bombshell like yourself, but then again, nobody's perfect, I suppose...not to mention that good taste and intelligence are in such rare supply these days, eh?
awww Eric baby
13 years ago
you are adorable thanks

I think that the men that I love,have something for red heads, and Im a brunnette thats why Im still single

and ofcourse gorgeous man as yourself with such intelligence witt and charm are always taken or want woman in theire 30s
Eric baby
13 years ago

thanks for your kind words

13 years ago

The world is full of liars, thieves and PIGS...OH MY! I would rather be single for the rest of my life because most men today are just looking to either gold dig, want a mommy, or who want thier cake and eat it too!


To Leafy from Fat Love
12 years ago
I think i have introduced myself to your group.  A lot of people are lonely today and they are just looking for good, old -fashioned love and intimacy.  However, as men and women get older, they put more conditions on relationships so the spontaneity is gone.  Add the responsibilities of married life and raising kids and sticking to a budget.  So dreary.....
However, i want to reinvent myself and be more adventurous.  I agree with one of the girls who shared that most men today are pigs and i tried dating a man who was engaged to be married. It just so happens his girlfriend was vacationing abroad at that time. I m not generalizing the male population but GUYS.....ADMIT IT, if you can slip through without being noticed on being naughty, you will. 
Anyone single interested in getting in touch with a lovable, smart, witty and pretty girl who weighs 200 lbs but full of love, warmth and laughter?C'mon!

12 years ago

As far as meeting people online or offline goes, I think that they can misrepresent themselves either way. I have met a guy online whom I dated for a while and although we didn't end up staying together, we are still good friends to this day. Then I met a guy "through fate" offline, and he turned out to be a total fraud ! Go figure. Dating should be simple and fun , since when has it become so complicated? Men in particular ( sorry all you honest ones out there ) can be such liars! I mean, who are they really kidding? Mostly themselves, because the truth always comes out one way or another. I have yet to meet a man  who does not inflate himself to enormous proportions just in order to be considered dateworthy, who doesn't have major issues and/or dysfunctions, and who is " available".

Also , I would like to add another thing to the online dating thing. In this day and age of technology, chatting, texting and IM'ing, it makes men very lazy . They don't have engage in the traditional dating and courting rituals, all they have to do is e-mail, text and IM. You can't hear the nuance in a person's voice or other important clues in their conversation  through cyber- communication. That's not to say it doesn't work for some people, it just makes getting to know a person more difficult I think.

I also think it is a good idea to do a background check or "google" a potential date. Also , take into consideration what other people who know this person have to say about them. And once you do get meet someone who seems interesting , ask them questions. Not to come off as an interrogator, but do find out about their past. Always remember, the best indicator for future behavior is relevant past behavior!

12 years ago
I gave it all up years ago.  I figure better alone than with someone who makes me miserable.  And, yes, I think with computers, e-mail, cell phones, pagers, whatever, and instant everything men get lazy.  But so do women...Somewhere we lost the art of courting, dating, respect, whatever...but that is another thread and another long conversation...
12 years ago

Hi, I am new to this group. I'm Mel and live in Carrollton, TX.  I tired online dating and ad dating, some were ok, some were not nice men. I enjoy meeting someone through someone I know. Those seem to last the longest and you remain friends afterwards. At least we did.   The problem I found with online dating is you have to give too much information about yourself. So the men can be whoever it is you are looking for.  I met a man, everyone loved him for his personality, the kids all loved him. I was told he had been out of state for a few years working. After a year, the truth started coming out.  He had been in prison, but the family agreed not to tell anyone. I caught him shoting up drugs and found out he had offered drugs to my daughter's friends. No one told the bad things about him, because they loved his personality and he bought them beer. It is kinda scary out there. Sometimes you have to leave it to fate.

11 years ago
there's some good advice in this thread. I, especially, like the advice given by the original poster.

This post was modified from its original form on 28 Jan, 14:02
an update
11 years ago
i found a girl friend last year who is more suited to me that the one i found in the training class. i just walked into the church one day and saw her and said to myself, she's the one. and i was right. i have theory that with all this technology, the person you really want could be as close as the next church service.
11 years ago
What sort of church did you attend?

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