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The Many Functions of Cats
9 years ago

Source of Photograph.....

We, as devoted cat lovers, all know of the multi-functionality of our favorite four-legged furries. Here are just a few examples:

  1. Paperweight: Kitties can magically transform into a paperweight to make sure your Sunday paper doesn't blow away while you are trying to read it. Amazingly, they are the most effective paperweights of all, as nothing you do or say will remove them from their location.

  2. Humanweight: Kitties can also make sure YOU don't blow away while you're taking a nap. Now that's an asset!

  3. Garbage Inspector: Kitties perform this duty to ensure that nothing you throw away can be reused (e.g., twist ties, bottle caps, balls of aluminum foil, tissues) or recycled (e.g., scraps of cheese or tuna). Out of courtesy for your own life demands, they only perform these inspections in your absence. Isn't that nice of them?

  4. Financial Advisor: It was only when we started adopting kitties that we realized the importance of budgeting and setting reasonable priorities. Major expenditures in descending order of importance include: cat food, cat litter, veterinary visits, catnip, taxes, housing, transportation, human food, clothing...

  5. Conversationalists: Come on, 'fess up! How many of you have find that the mealtime conversations you have with your four-legged friends are more intellectually stimulating than those you have with your two-legged friends?

  6. Anti-Depressants: It's almost impossible to keep from laughing when your favorite kitty accidentally slids off the counter top.

  7. Confidant: You can share your deepest, darkest secrets with them and no one else will ever know. (Unless the walls of your apartment are paper-thin.)

PLEASE NOTE (As if I really need to say it): This is by no means an exhaustive list.

Copyright © Susan Rosebrough
September 24, 1999
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