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6 years ago

inwoman.jpg picture by BellaFitzPhotos
THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish

we were married, or wish we weren't married, this
is something to smile about the next time you see a
bottle of wine.

Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped

the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like

a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into

the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make

a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old

woman just sat silently, looking intently at

everything she saw, studying every little detail,

until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to

Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's

a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or

two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,

she said:



'Good trade.
6 years ago
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and 
came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only
 Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. 
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for 
their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked
 if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the 
NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man  recorded his
 message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused.
So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation 
where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but 
refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government
 translator. He reported that the moon message said, 
"Watch out for these guys; 
they have come to steal your land."


6 years ago

YOU COULD BE AN INDIAN IF......

  • You attend a General Custer memorial dinner, and you wear an Arrow shirt.
  • Someone at a picnic yells "Hey, you with the blanket, over here" and you think it's an invitation for romance.
  • Dancing to "Running Bear" at your local bar and it begins to Rain.
  • You put a "Free Peltier" sticker on your truck, and the FBI wiretaps your house.
  • You could be Indian if you get into a fight with the waiter at your local Mexican restaurant over--Sopapilla, or is it Fry Bread?
  • Someone inadvertently points out directions with his lips and you know exactly where he is talking about.
  • Someone asks you your stance on immigration, and you just laugh.

YOU COULD BE AN INDIAN IF......

  • During a night out on the town, you announce you're going home and then you drive over five hours to get there.
  • You should turn your head while all about you are turning theirs and blaming it on you.
  • You use commodity can labels for your art collage project
  • When you get hit in the head with an old piece of fry bread you see bluebirds.
  • All the people in the community or town you live in are your cousins! (cousin-brother/cousin-sister).
  • Your car starts with a screwdriver.
  • Tou don't understand the purpose for storage lockers or their high rental costs, Why, the cars parked in your front
    yard store just as much stuff, plus it's free.

YOU COULD BE AN INDIAN IF......

  • Your head automatically turns at the sound of "shhhhhhhh".
  • Learning your ABC's was hard because you wondered what the joke was every time you heard "A" (AAAYE)
  • In your everyday life you unintentionally seem to be breaking taboos.
  • You use the pick up line "...Say, those are some slick wranglers, perhaps I could talk you out of them."
  • You use the pick up line "...Hey, didn't we go to different boarding schools together?"
  • You wake up after your 18th birthday with a wrecked truck, a hickey and bus ticket to Haskell.
  • Your relative gets a nice jacket that you wish you had so say, "Geez Hey, I reeaally like that Jacket." (and he gives it to you).

YOU COULD BE AN INDIAN IF......

  • You have had a dog named Bear.
  • Your travel luggage is designer black Hefty Cinch Sacks!
  • You think that the Basic Food Groups are Spam, commodity cheese, fry bread, and Pepsi.
  • Your dance outfit is in a suitcase held together by duct tape and powwow bumper stickers.
  • You drive over 25mph and the paint peels off your rez truck. You tell your friends that you are letting Mother Nature sand
    it for you before you get a paint job.
  • A powwow drum lead singer if your vocal nodules exceed the size of your tonsils.
  • The first day at your new public school you're waiting for circle and the rest of the class stands for the pledge of allegiance, and as you look around the room you're the only one who doesn't know the words.
6 years ago
Navajo woman



Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."


7 years ago

This will be the last joke I will post here today I will post more later in the week..If anyone else cares too, then please post a good R rated or below American Indian joke or story so we can enjoy it..

Speeding

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old Indian ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!  I always go exactly the speed limit.  What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly!  Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old Indian woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . .  Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right, officer. We just got off highway 119."



This post was modified from its original form on 16 Mar, 16:59
7 years ago

If you have ever eaten fry bread this joke will be funny if you haven't I pity you cause you don't know what you are missing..

Fry Bread

The old tribal chairman was on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled the scent of fry-bread wafting into his room. Aaahhhh. . . He loved fry-bread more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed. . .   Down the stairs and into the kitchen he went. There was his beloved wife, Lillian, kneading the dough for a new batch. As he reached for one of  the fresh steaming fry-breads, he got smacked across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding. 'Leave them alone!' she said. 'They're for the funeral ! ' "

7 years ago

OLD NDN TRICK

Recently a routine Yakama police patrol parked outside Pete's tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a young tribal man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled
around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." Aye!!!! Old tribal trick--enit!!?

7 years ago
An Indian woman went to the school to register her boys.
 "How many children do you have?" asked the secretary.
 "Ten" she said.
 "And what are their names?" she was asked.
 "Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and Bob" she said
 "They're ALL named Bob?" the secretary asked. "What if you want them to come in from playing?'
 "That's easy" she explained. "I just call Bob and they all come running".
 "And what if you want them to come and eat?" the secretary asked.
 "I just say Bob, come eat your dinner, and they do". She said.
 "But what if you want just ONE Bob to do something?" asked the secretary
 "Oh that's easy" she said. "I just use their last names".


This post was modified from its original form on 16 Mar, 16:29
9 years ago
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the
road.  As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and
asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of
thanks, the woman got into the car.
 
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small
talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at
everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a
white bag on the seat next to Sally.
 
"What's in bag?" asked the old woman
 
Sally looked down at the white bag and said,
It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband.
 
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then  speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,  she said: "Good Trade"
9 years ago

You may have thought your ancestors knew all about buffalo hunting but here is a corollary. I have not seen anyone explain this as well as Cliff Clavin, on Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. and here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

9 years ago

Scott has received 30 new, 40 total stars from Care2 membersScott has been awarded 9 butterflies for taking action at Care2 Scott B.
CUSTER'S “RED SHIRT” Wednesday, 1:31 PM
CUSTER'S “RED SHIRT”

 

In 1874, the most famous u.s. military general Custer illegally entered 1851 Treaty of Fort Laramie Homelands – lands still owned by the Lakota “Sioux” - and stole large amounts of the ‘metal-that-makes-the-white-man-crazy.’

 

Later, Custer would be soundly defeated in one of the only even battles – 1,500 Lakota and Indigenous Allies against 1,200 fully equipped military out to wipe out the Lakota to gain free access to Black Hills gold (normally troops would attack camps full of women and children while men were away hunting).

 

Today, over nine (9) trillion dollars worth of the Lakota’s gold remains as stolen property in Fort Knox Kentucky – yet to be returned, or even compensated for, to the impoverished Lakota Nation.

 

As Custer made his initial trek towards the Black Hills in what is today “Occupied South Dakota Territories”, his 2,000 men four abreast in a line extending nearly a quarter ¼ mile, came across a group of Omaha, an Indigenous Red Nation who lived for millions of years upon their homelands today referred to as “northeast Nebraska.”

 

As a scout reported to the general that “A camp of 500 Omaha’s are just over the hill!”, the general instructed his Orderly. “Orderly, go fetch my red shirt.”

The Orderly replied, “Why do you want a red shirt, if I may ask, Sir?”

The general replied, “In case I get wounded, the enemy will not see the blood.”

“Yes , Sir!” as the Orderly sped off to the rear of the parade. The Orderly promptly returned with the red shirt and the general gave the order to attack, defeating the surprised Omaha.

 

Later the troops would come across a peaceful encampment of 500 Arapaho in northeast “Colorado.” Again, as the scout returned to inform the general of the camp, Custer summoned, “Orderly, get my red shirt - if I am wounded in battle, the enemy will not see the blood.” Custer then massacred the innocent Arapaho.

 

As the troops entered 1851 Treaty Lands and neared the Greasy Grass area near the Sacred Black Hills “Big Horn Mountain” Region, Custer was informed by his scouts that 250 Lakota were camped along the Big Horn River. The general immediately broke out in a cold sweat and clamored, “Orderly, go get my brown pants!”

9 years ago
Gabriel came to the Lord and said,  "I have to talk to you, I have Indians up here in Heaven who are  causing some problems. They are shooting arrows at the Pearly Gates, they are forming hunting parties, they are dancing around and beating drums, they are taking off their robes and wearing only loin cloths, some folk are  walking around with one wing because they are plucking out the feathers and using them in ceremonies and to make head dresses, they have been each taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their head dresses."

The Lord said, "I made  American Indians special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my  children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call  the Devil.

"The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang, hold on.

"The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for  you?" The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there." The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold.

After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm  back.
What was the question?" The Lord said, "What kind of problems are  you having down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I  don't beli.....hold on, Lord".  This time the Devil was gone for 15  minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk  right now. These Indians dun put tobacco into the fire , and
are now calling it a sacred fire"!

9 years ago
A handsome, young brave was stopped, leaving a lake carrying two buckets of fish, by the game warden. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a fishing license?"

The young man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish!" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The brave looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.

The young native, poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the brave and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the Native asked.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the brave asked.

"The FISH."

"What fish?" the young brave asked.
9 years ago
Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for $500.
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going
to do with the money?"
"Take jewelry to city and sell it," was the response.
"What have you got for collateral?"
"Don't know collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled
out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said.
He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Put in teepee."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you.
When you want to use it you can withdraw it."
The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for
collateral?"
10 years ago

  This thread cracks me up!!  Keep them coming, I need the laughs!

Hugs to all,

Kim aka LadyMysticWolf

10 years ago
There were these three American Indians sitting around this campfire one night, discussing where their parents got their names from.

The first Indian said, "My parents decided to call me Jumping Deer because when they were conceiving me, a deer went jumping over them."

The second Indian said, "My parents named me Running Waterfall because when I was conceived, they were next to a waterfall."

The third Indian said, "This is really strange. My parents also named me after something that happened when I was conceived. They named me Broken Kan dum ..."

10 years ago
Ghost Indian

Two Ponca men were sitting out on a back road visiting. All at once there was a tapping on the window.

"Ah Hoh!"  "Hey guy!"  "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!"

Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window.

The Ponca man driving shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour.

"Step on it!"  "He's still out there!"  And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window.

The driver shoved his foot to the floor again!  This time he was doing ninety (90) miles an hour.

Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window.

"You better giver 'er some more gas!"  "He's still out there."

"I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour.

About that time the little old man motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did.

"Say Boys!"  "I was wanting to know, do you need a shove to get out of this mud hole?"
10 years ago
Indian Humor - NM Style

A New Mexico State Trooper pulled over a van on I-25 about ten miles north of "The Pit". When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding the driver answered that he was a juggler and he was on his way to Sandia Casino to do a show that night and didn't want to be late. The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by the juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him, he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and that he didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, an old pickup with expired plates pulled up behind the squad car. An Indian who was obviously intoxicated, staggered out and watched the performance briefly. He shook his head, went over to the squad car, opened the door and got in. The trooper observed the man doing this and went over to his squad car opened the back door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing?! The drunk replied...."Sha-Bro....might as well take me to jail....There's no way in hell I can pass THAT test!!!!"
10 years ago
An elderly Choctaw couple was driving back from visiting their neighbor when the old lady wondered if the geese they had been given were safely put away in the pickup bed. "Hey you got dem goose?" she asked her husband.
 "Quit your cussin'" he said.
Anonymous
10 years ago
ThFight.gif
10 years ago
 Some hostile Indians finally captured the Lone Ranger and told him that they were going to kill him. They decided that since he was such a great adversary, they would grant him one last wish. When told this, the Lone Ranger whistled loudly, and from out of nowhere galloped his horse Silver. The Lone Ranger whispered something in the horse's ear, and the horse took off a great speed. The Indians were curious and waited to see what happened. Sure enough, about half an hour later, Silver appeared with a gorgeous woman on his back, and he dropped her off in front of the Lone Ranger. So impressed were the Indians that they untied the Lone Ranger, showed him to a teepee, and let him do as he pleased.

A few hours later, the Lone Ranger exited very tired and barely able to stand up. The Indians decided that they would let him regain his strength and execute him the next day.

But the next day came, and the Indians were absolutely amazed at the previous day's spectacle, that they decided to again grant the Lone Ranger one last wish. Again, he whistled for Silver, Silver appeared, the Lone Ranger whispered something in his ear, the horse took off and brought back an even more beautiful woman. Flabbergasted, the Indians again let the Lone Ranger have some privacy with the woman in a tee pee, and again, he was nearly exhausted afterward, unable to walk.

Another day passed, and the Indians decided they needed to see what would happen, so they granted him yet another wish. Again, the Lone Ranger whistled for Silver, and when the horse appeared, the Lone Ranger grabbed him by the neck and yelled at him, "I said, get me a posse!"

10 years ago
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck,"

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me "Bubba".
10 years ago





fishingNative_fisherman.gif      
_101__divingduck.gif
Anonymous
Generokee
10 years ago

 

Generokee1.jpg

from one of my yahoo groups
10 years ago

thought it was cute

 NAVAJO MESSAGE TO THE MOON

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it
took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in
Arizona for training.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the
space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who
spoke only Navajo, asked a question.

His son translated for the NASA people: "What are
these guys in the big suits doing?"  One of the
astronauts said that they were practicing a trip to
the moon.  When his son relayed this comment the
Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would
be possible to give to the astronauts a message to
deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw
one, a NASA official  accompanying the astronauts
said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get
a tape recorder.

The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were
brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would
translate what his father had said. The son listened
to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he
refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo
village and played it for other members of the
tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also
refused to translate the elder's message to the
moon.

An official government translator was summoned.
After he finally stopped laughing the translator
relayed the message:

"WATCH OUT FOR THESE ASSHOLES. THEY HAVE COME TO
STEAL YOUR LAND."

The French Revolution
10 years ago

During the French Revolution, an Indian, a Frenchman, and a Norwegian were condemned to die by guillotine.  On the day of the scheduled execution, the three were brought out together.  The executioner cruelly asked who wanted to go first.

The stoic Norwegian stared straight ahead, showed no emotion, and said not a word. The Indian, prepared to meet Great Spirit, calmly looked the exectutioner in the eye but said not a word.  The Frenchman blurted out more anxiously than he wanted to, "Let's get this over with!"

The Frenchman stepped forward and lowered his head.  The blade dropped.  Half-way down, it stopped.  The executioner decided it must be God's will that the Frenchman go free, and he said so.  The Frenchman got up and walked away, not aware of the dark wet spot spreading down the legs of his pants.

The executioner asked who was next.  The Indian shrugged his shoulders and stepped forward.  Without lifting his head, he surveyed the ominous death machine above him.  Only those who knew him best would have noticed his eyes widen slightly and his lips form into a slight grin.

The Indian lowered his head.  The blade dropped.  Half-way down, it stopped.  The executioner, with some doubt this time, decided it was the will of God that the Indian go free, and he said so.

With a resigned sigh, the Norwegian stepped up to the guillotine.  Before lowering his head, he took a good, long look at the machinery above him.  He shook his head back and forth, looked straight at the executioner, and good-naturedly told him, "You guys sure are dumb.  If you knock some of the rust off this thing and grease it up good, it'll work just fine."

Anonymous
10 years ago

 TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A TECHNO-INDIAN

1. You now know a hard drive isn't just the road to Navajo Mountain!!!
2. You have a beaded zip drive.
3. You ask chicks for their e-mail address at pow-wows and rodeos.
4. Your mouse is coated with frybread grease.
5. Before you attend a pow-wow or all-ndn rodeo, you need to check its website first.
6. Your e-mail address is: DancesWithModems@hotmail.com.
7. You send eeezzzzmail.
8. You think a floppy disk slot crammed with sage will somehow increase your connection speed.
9. Your snag doesn't want to hear that lame old "my server is down" excuse anymore.
10. You have several CPUs up on blocks in your living room.

 

Anonymous
10 years ago

Study on Native Women.....

An Anthropologist was conducting a study on Native Women. At the end of his study, he gave a presentation of his results. He said that according to his research, Chippewa women have a tendency to walk behind their men, letting the men lead them. Cheyenne women walked in front of their men, guiding them. The Crow women, he discovered walked beside their men. And at the end of his presentation he revealed that Lakota women.... "Well, Lakota women had the tendency to walk all over their men!"

Anonymous
10 years ago
FOR THE PEOPLE.....

Four men gather on the top of a 30-story building, an East Indian, a Japanese, a Native American, and a White man.
The East Indian guy says, "this is for my people!" and he jumps off the building.
The Japanese says, "This too is for my people!" and jumps off.
The Native American proudly says, "This is for my people" and pushes the White Man off........
Anonymous
10 years ago

*  You almost pass out in the sweathouse using only one rock 

*  You get scared your belly button might come untied 

*  In a powwow crowd of 1,000 people, everyone stops you to ask your advice about the best food stands AND where's the best fry bread stand 

*  Other dancers use you for shade in grand entry line 

*  You lose a $1,000 dance contest because your excess didn't stop in time with the drum 

*  Your buckskin dress looks like you're still sitting down even if you're up walking around 

*  You have to have your parade horse backed up next the car so you can climb up on the hood of the car and get on 

*  Your parade horse is a "Clydesdale" 

 

Anonymous
10 years ago

YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN: 

*  You can't see your moccasin strings anymore 

*  You "duck" during the duck and dive and you can't get back up 

*  You find yourself bringing zip lock bags and a sack to the powwow feast 

*  You get in line twice at the powwow feast and lie by saying, "this plate is for my grandma who's sitting in the car," and you don't realize she just went through the line 10 people ahead of you. 

*  You can't fit your choker, because you no longer have a neck 

*  Your family has to stop half way to the powwow to replace the springs on your car 

*  The car naturally tilts downward on the side you always ride on 

*  The youngest kid with the shortest legs has to sit behind your seat, because you have to have the seat pulled all the way back to fit your beefy legs into the car 

*  You eat Indian Tacos like potato chips 

*  You don't even feel your mosquito bites 

*  You have to "rock" a few times to get up out of your chair 

*  People mistake you for a teepee when you wear a white tshirt 

*  You have to "lift" your stomach to show off your new beaded belt buckle 

*  You order a coke and the waitress asks, "Diet?" 

Anonymous
10 years ago

Three Indian guys were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. One was Kiowa; one was Comanche and the other Apache. During the course of their conversation they started talking about their problems with their wives.

The Kiowa guy began by saying: "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do her own cooking.  Well - the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing.  But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert."

Then the Comanche spoke up: "I sat my wife down and told her, that from now on she would have to do her own shopping, and also do the cleaning.  The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing.  But on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry the shelves were filled with groceries."

The Apache sat up straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said:  "I gave my wife a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and house cleaning.  Well - the first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing.  But on the third day, I could see just a little bit out of my left eye."

 

Anonymous
10 years ago

A little Indian boy asked his father, the chief and

Medicine man of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we

always have long names, while the white men have

shorter names - Bob, Don, Tex or Sam, for example?"

 

His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a

symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the

white men, who live all together and repeat their names

from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our

makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

 

For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic

Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was

conceived, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

 

Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the

Prairies, because he was conceived on a day that the

big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the

world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our

capacity to live and the life force of our people.

 

It's very simple and easy to understand.

 

Do you have any other questions, Little Broken

Condom Made in China?

10 years ago
Thanks for the Polish factor, Melissa Speaking of "trains"... "This wagon train is heading across the desert, when all of a sudden the wagon master notices that on all sides of the valley, there are Indian guys. He quickly forms the wagons into the "Hollywood" circle, to protect the families in the train. Nothing happens. Soon, drums are heard pounding out in the distance, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum.......(the famous Hollywood drumbeat from the John Ford movies) The wagon master tells the train, "I don't like the sound of this...." From out in the distance comes another voice, saying, "We don't like the sound of it either. He's not our regular drummer!" I like this one: "Anglos have BC and AD to measure time. Native People only have the four BC's: Before Columbus Before Custer Before Commodity.... Before Costner!!"
10 years ago
A White man seeing a Sioux man with his young daughter walks up and raising his hand says how,  The Sioux thinks for a moment and answers same as you Wasichu.
Note the White man leaves happy and tells all his friends he received his Indian name  
.
True Story Joke of my life!
10 years ago
I was sixteen years old and was so full of life and young...I developed a crush on this older man 28 years old. So I wanted to see him and I went to the Grand Union supermarket, he was the Manager there..I had pasted some false eyelashes....but while I was with him..my false eyelash glue shut my eye...so here I am with this Pirate Wink Ohhhhhhh I was so embarrassed...then I turned to leave and I slipped on some banana peel... ugh... Essie
I have a joke...
10 years ago
I heard this joke in NYC, while growing up in school time... Two tonsils say to the other Hey get dressed ...Doc is taking us out tonight! Essie trying hard
10 years ago

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were rideing through a canyon when The Ranger noticed !000 Indians on the top, The Ranger turned to Tonto and said, we are in trouble now. To this Tonto replied. What do you mean WE Kemo Sabe

10 years ago
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo chip. Someone has stolen tent."
Have ya heard the one about...
10 years ago

The Two Indians and the PoleThere were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave.

He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave.

The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something.

"No", said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you.

Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes.

The Pole started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave.

As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!"

Well... he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.

The next day in the newspaper the head lines read...

.

.

.

.

.

"Naked Pole Run Over By Freight Train!!"

10 years ago

    Good jokes

10 years ago
To A White Person Upon First Meeting:

      10. How much white are you?

      9. I'm part white myself, you know.

      8. I learned all your people's ways in the Boy Scouts.

      7. My great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded white-Canadian princess.

      6. Funny, you don't look white.

      5. Where's your powdered wig and knickers?

      4. Do you live in a covered wagon?

      3. What's the meaning behind the square dance?

      2. What's your feeling about river-boat casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a
short-term fix?

      1. Oh wow! I really love your hair! Can I touch it
10 years ago

Fry Bread

The old tribal chairman was on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled the scent of fry-bread wafting into his room. Aaahhhh. . . He loved fry-bread more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed. . .   Down the stairs and into the kitchen he went. There was his beloved wife, Lillian, kneading the dough for a new batch. As he reached for one of  the fresh steaming fry-breads, he got smacked across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding. 'Leave them alone!' she said. 'They're for the funeral ! ' "

ROFLMAO Post American Indian Jokes Here
10 years ago
| Blue Label
An Indian woman went to the school to register her boys.
 "How many children do you have?" asked the secretary.
 "Ten" she said.
 "And what are their names?" she was asked.
 "Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and Bob" she said
 "They're ALL named Bob?" the secretary asked. "What if you want them to come in from playing?'
 "That's easy" she explained. "I just call Bob and they all come running".
 "And what if you want them to come and eat?" the secretary asked.
 "I just say Bob, come eat your dinner, and they do". She said.
 "But what if you want just ONE Bob to do something?" asked the secretary
 "Oh that's easy" she said. "I just use their last names".