I am a 52 year old woman who was adopted at 16 months old. My biological mother had 10 kids in 13 years, one dying about a month old. Being 9th of 10 children, my younger sister & I were adopted by separate families & raised in different lifestyles.
Of the 5 remaining boys after the death of an infant boy, 4 were killed under questionable circumstances. Only one remains now.
I am 1 of 3 girls left who were raised in 3 different locations.
My adoptive family literally “found“ us & the adoption was in open court with all parties involved.
Through the years I realized that my adoptive mother was extremely jealous of my biological mother & subverted any attempt at her contacting me. But I was allowed to contact them upon graduation from high school & my mother & some brothers & my sister came.
Almost all involved are dead & the struggle has almost subsided, but I am here to discuss adoption from all sides for anyone who is interested. I advocate adoption & would do so if I were young enough to do so.
Thanks MS. Like I told you in a private email about my roommate Mary Ann (CA) who had an EVIL adoptive mom. How about starting a topic about that & invite some of your friends in. I bet you'd get a lot of responses.
Hello and thanks for the invitation December 15, 2004 8:55 AM
Good morning! I am an adoption worker who has been in the field of foster care and adoption for roughly 4 years. I do home studies for potential adoptive parents, conduct post-placement supervisory visits, and provide both pre- and post-adoption counseling to both children and adults.
I'm currently working with 2 children whose parental rights are in the process of being terminated so they can be adopted, 3 children who are in the process of being adopted and are awaiting a final court date, 1 couple with whom was placed an infant that they will adopt in February, 1 couple who is struggling with how to tell their child she is adopted, 1 family who adopted older children and are having some adjustment problems, and one middle-aged adult adoptee who is considering searching for her birth mother. All in all, I've been active in all phases of the adoption process.
I think this subject needed it's own group, and thank you hosts for creating it
Thanks for the invite to this group. I think it was a great idea, as this can be a sensitive subject and one that needs much support.
I was given up at birth and permanently adopted around three years of age. To this day, I still do not know who my biological paretns are. I do know my biological father has passed, but other than that, I know nothing else of them. When I was almost 16, I met my biological great grandarents who were the most woderful and caring people I cold ever have known. Sad to say they are both with their creator now. My grandparents had literally disowned the rest of the family for not ever trying to contact me or anything of the sort.
Many times I sit and wonder what else is out there, like do I have any brothers or sisters? Would it really matter if I did? I have 2 sisters by adoption, one of which I am extrememly close.
When I was adopted, it was believed that this couple could not get pregnant on their own. Some years later, this theory was proven wrong, and unfortunately it changed a lot of things, not all for the good. Don't get me wrong, I am forever greatful that one family chose to give e opportunities at life and as normal as possible a family, but the day I turned 17, I left that house and haven't asked them for anther thing. We do talk occaasionally, but it is more of a platonic relationship at this point. One that the bubbles keep us seperated from most often. But it is ok with me at this point in my life. I have changed many of the things I now do and the way I live.
Even though I often wonder, I dont think I hve any true desires to find my biological mother. I am too afraid that I would feel noting but anger or resentment. I understand the reasons why I needed to be given up, as she was only 15 when she had me, but as an adult to find out she lived in the same damn town and never so much as tried to say hi really irks my blood.
Again thanks for the group. Look forward to learning and sharing here with everyone.
I was put up for adoption when I was six months old. I met my biological father a few years ago. It was a terrible nightmare! and I met my bioliogical mother less than a year ago and it has been one big heartache.I would like to help others to beware of what they go searching for. they might find out it will not be a Happy reuion afterall.
Anyway we will talk more later.
So glad you have joined us.Please feel free to speak how you feel. we all will need a lot of understanding and patients.
Thanks for your contribution & welcome Toni K. I'm sure you have a stressful but fulfilling job, which I do not envy at all. I get too involved & emotional. I would want to take all the children home with me. Please visit often & give us update... better yet, create your own topic about your work/experiences, if you wish.
Thanks & welcome also Rob B. Just know that were are here for you to share your hurts, feelins, experiences without anyone judging. We are here to help you through this & in turn, you might help others. Feel free to express anything at angy time.
Please copy your post & put it in a separate topic. I have native American in my background also, but I don't know much about it. Also, my son has snakes & I hate them.
PS: The photo is of my dad holding my grandson. I never, ever doubted his love for me, it was just difficult for him to express it because of his upbringing. I felt this photo appropriate because there's no doubt in my mind that he loves that little baby ~ & that he's the light of his life & reason for living. Can you believe he is over 80? That photo was made in 2002.
If you have any ideas for the photo please let us know. Anything is possible on this group because we all share a common bond!
Just adopted a girl from Russia December 27, 2004 5:57 PM
Hi,
I am new to this group and I would like to introduce myself. My husband and I have recently adopted a girl from Kursk, Russia.
She is 19 months old. We bought her home in July of this year. We had an amazing experience. If i could i would do it all over again. She has changed so much since we have bought her home. The host family we stayed with in Kursk were so beautiful. We even heard from them on Christmas Day. One of them was able to speak some english, so we did not need an interperter when we stayed with them. They treated us like family. It was so beautiful. Alot of paper work involved for the whole process. In the end well worth the wait. We waited 6 months in between our 2 visits to russia. We are so happy to be parents. Maria, our daughter is our first.
Rose S. for that beautiful introduction & welcome to the group. If you would like, you could start a topic & let us watch her grow.... we are here for your support as well as hers. I know there are many barriers you will have to overcome, but by the grace of GOD you will be able to do this positively. I'm sure many of the group members will have dozens of questions for you.
Do you watch the 700 Club? Terry brought home 3 Russian or Checz girls & has adopted other children from other countries. I think GOD blesses special people like you.
I am so Happy for you and your Husband. Adopting your first child and all. What a lovely thing to do. The child will need to have someone to Love her, help her thru life. make sure she gets and education. Protect her from all the bad things as much as you can. Holding her. Letting her know that she is loved.Taking time out to talk with her. And even the smallest of things mean so much.
Taking a small life like that is a big responsiblilty. Congradulations!
Congratulations to you Rose! December 29, 2004 9:41 AM
I think it is wonderful that you have decided to adopt and share your love with a child. Parenting in any situation can be challenging but so rewarding. I wish you all the best throughout your grand adventure!
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Hello. and thank you for the invitation to your group.
I am now 53 years old and was adopted when was only 6 months old. I had a happy childhood thanks
to my adoted parents. I did have some curiosity about my natural mother. But, I thought maybe she has
remade her life, and has told no one about me. also my adoptive parents were always afraid that i might
connact her. She was a unwed teenage that was kicked out of her home and left to fend for herself.
I always considered my parents, just that, with no "adoptive" or "natural" necessary. I now have two
children of my own and know how deep love can go. I don't think it has anything to do with the biological
I hope more people will join up and share their opinions too,
all the best,
Margot
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Margot S.If you would like, start your own topic & tell us YOUR STORY: that will be your thread to add to or discuss important issues with whomever reads & posts replies to you.
I am pin everybody's STORY to stay on the group homepage.
I think if we get involved with reading each other's stories, it will help us grow & heal mentally as well as spiritually. Forgiveness is the key, but it takes a while to be able to get to that point. It was a 40+ year struggle for me. Actually, it is a lifelong process. But you can be a better person for the struggle & pain you go through.
Hi Margot! And Welcome to the group! I am very glad your childhood with your adoptive parens went well! And I am looking forward to reading more of your life with them. And the feelings that were shared. Destiny has a good ideal. Just start a New Thread about your Life. And when you feel like adding to it, as often as you like, it will be your lifes Thread. And others can also post their replies to it too.
We are so glad to have you here! I Love good lifes with adopted families. Unfortunatly not all of them are good. Please, start a Thread and tell us more!
Good evening all..I am new to the group and wanted to introduce myself. my name is Lisa & my husband Ken & I live in Columbus,Ohio. I am 46 yrs old & was adopted at the age of one month. I was raised an only child by two of the most wonderful parents in the world. My parents could not have children & met my biological parents whom could not financially raise my sister & I. I was told at the age of seven/eight that I was adopted & this made me feel special! My sister(whom is 1 yr and 8 days older than I)was raised by our grandfather & great Aunt. my sister went to school with my adopted cousins & this is how I found out about her. In 1982,I met her..my grandfather & g-aunt(both now deseased) & my mother & her side of the family. My father passed away in 1980 so I never met him. I also found out that before my biological parents divorced,I had a brother(3 yrs younger)that was also given up for adoption! I have a half sister/brother by my father & two half brothers by my mother. My full sister & I are great friends as are my half brother in Kentucky & my half sister in Florida. My biological mother & I are somewhat close but to me it's more of a sister type friendship. I have found that it does not take blood to be a parent but love..kindness & understanding. Both my adoptive parents have been gone since 1998 & I miss them terribly for all purposes..THEY are Mom & Dad to me. I also gave a daughter up for adoption in the 1970's. I was not ready to be a parent but do not consider my first child a mistake as she was adopted by parents whom had a loving heart & could raise her in a way I could not at that time. Someday she may look for me & when that day comes,I will welcome her AND her family with open arms. Sometimes when opening adoption doors,there are ones that would be better left closed. I was one of the lucky ones as I found a biological family that wanted me but gave me up to better my life & was raised by loving,wonderful parents whom adored me. What a wonderful group this is and I wish you all well..peace & blessings..Lisa
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I can't speak for Marilyn for she is in the hospital right now, but I know she would welcome you also. I'm glad you joined the group & happy you had a good adoption experience. As you can see, some are good & others not so good. You are blessed.
You are also welcome to start a topic of your own to tell your story, and feel free reply to any topic that you feel you can have a positive input. That is what this group is all about: support.
I am Regina. Been around Care2 for a while, and have many other groups.
I am so glad someone made this one, cause I think my Host list is running out of room.
I am a Birthmom, of a beautiful Girl named Angela, (Angel, I call her), who is now a Mom herself. Today, she is 21. I loved her when I was pregnant with her, I loved her when she was born, I loved her when she was adopted, and I love her now, and will take her name to my grave.
Kinship Foster Pre-Adoptive Mom November 02, 2005 10:53 PM
Hi. My name is Karen. My husband and I are in the process of adopting our foster son, who is my husband's biological nephew. My husband's sister has had some problems and was not able to regain her son as she was not compliant with what the state asked her to do, so she signed relinquishment earlier this year. He turned 3 in July. He was taken away from her as a baby and lived with a non-related foster family for 9 months until we were able to complete certification to get him. He moved into our home a little over a year ago. We told him and everyone else from the beginning that since we have a special situation, he gets to call everyone what he is comfortable calling them, as long as it is something appropriate. I was OK with being either Karen or Mom, whatever he needs. He decided that I'm Mom, my husband is Dad, and he calls his birth mother (my sister-in-law) by her first name or refers to her as his aunt. It's probably a little bit of a strange situation by a lot of people's standards, but it works out. His birth father has been really uncooperative, and our son is scared of him, so there isn't any contact in that direction right now. We do have pictures though and will let him know who his birth father is. We also made sure he understands that I'm not his birth mother. He'll say that he came out of Auntie's tummy, but I'm mommy. I think he understands, but we'll make sure as he gets older. Adoption of foster children through the state takes FOREVER, by the way. He was placed in foster care in December 2003, moved into our home in September 2004, both birth parents signed relinquishment in March 2005, and we still have at least 6 months to go before the adoption is final according to the meeting we had last week. It's nice that he's in our home and safe in the meantime, but frustrating because we have to use his previous last name, I have to get state permission for doctor's visits and such, I had to get state permission to enroll him in preschool, we have a lot of red tape we have to deal with on a regular basis...etc...It's frustrating being his mom in his eyes and the eyes of the extended family, even his birth mother, but not being his mom legally yet. Anyway...enough of that. I have a group on here for Foster Parents so that I can vent more about that there. I'm glad to see an adoption group on Care2 with so many members. I've been reading through the posts and looking at different perspectives, and I think this will be a good place for me to learn what to do and not to do regarding raising our son so that he doesn't feel a stigma about being adopted. We are in our 30's with no natural-born children and are thinking about continuing to be foster parents and/or adoptive parents for other children, so this information is very helpful to me.
Hi all! I'm Cindy. I was adopted in 1961, when I was 6 weeks old (approx.!). I can identify with much of what's already been mentioned here. I always knew that I was adopted, from the time I was able to understand words. As I got older, the discussions got longer, mostly about how special and truly wanted I was. Hey, it worked for us! Adoptee, biological/adoptive parents, etc., weren't in our vocabulary. I was raised by the only two people I recognize as Truly being my parents.
I have a little brother who came along 5 years later. Technically, he's my parent's biological child. Again, we just simply never used that terminology when talking to, and about, eachother. We still don't. Steve's my brother, I'm his sister-- period.
He and I have also been blessed when it comes to extended family. My brother married into a huge family, and my partner's family isn't exactly what you'd call small. In our case, it's not about studies, statistics, guidelines, and legal stuff. We are who we are, and when we weave it all together, we are family.
Originally, I came to this site thinking that maybe I could find resources (that I haven't already exhausted) to help me get my hands on my original birth certificate. Really-- all I wanna know is the exact time and date of my birth.
It's just occurred to me that, maybe it's not that important...
My name is Martina and I am a single woman. After waiting for the right partner and right "situation" to come along for years I have decided to go ahead and pursue adoption to become a mother. I decided to pursue international adoption and want to adopt from Nepal.
I am doing a fundraiser to help cover the costs for the adoption. I have a website for this fundraiser. If you go to my profile the website is written next to my picture.
I decided to pursue international adoption out of many reasons. One is I feel strongly about us being "world citizens" and not citizens of one country and there are special countries that just touched my heart, like Nepal, Ethiopia,Kazakhstan, India and actually many more.....again "world citizen".
Another reason is, that in the US single parenthood is not being promoted among the adoption world. So the idea of having a two-parent house hold is an ideal every birthmother and social worker holds in their psyche. And with me being totally content getting an older infant, toddler, child of another ethnical background it seemed like a natural choice to do international adoption. And the world of international adoption is more open for single parents. So I felt more welcomed.
I had to listen to a lot of tasteless comments like: Why do you not just get out and get pregnant? or Why do you want to adopt from another country? Aren't there enough children to adopt in the US?Why does it cost so much money?
I was amazed how people think they are allowed to "butt" into my business when it comes to this personal decision.
Regarding the money:No one seems to question the thousands of dollars a family spends on infertility treatments covered by insurances, that the rest of insurance members have to help defray.We are talking a success rate of what 10% or less of bringing children into this world via this method. And millions of dollars are spend on this method every year.
But if you are spending money to adopt a child, which is already on this earth and needs a home, then there is a question?
I want to make a difference in the life of one or more children.
And I want to be a mother.
It is difficult to write an introduction to a group I do not know.
I definetley want support for my journey to motherhood and hope to find it here.
Hi Yall'! i'm C.C. 37 yrs old, given up for adoption @ birth and finally adopted at age 4 after living in 8 different foster homes.
i wuz adopted into a home with 2 older brothers & always pets, which were part of the family. my brothers are older to the point that by the time i wuz 8 yrs old, i wuz pretty much raised as a single child, which i enjoyed to a certain point.
i feel blessed that my parents raised me with good values, a love of all animals, and non-prejudice of all
Welcome! I wish you the best of everything! There are so many children who are in need of loving homes. I sincerely hope you get the opportunity to share yourself and your home with a child soon. It's become very clear over recent years that adopting outside the U.S. is much less restricted than within the U.S. All kids deserve to love and be loved and nurtured, so what ever discouragement you may be experiencing from others-- ignore it! If you want to be a mom-- be a mom. It's the most natural thing in the world! Go for it! Please keep us up to date on your progress...
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I was blessed with wonderful parents too. I can't imagine that there was a more loving environment than the one where I grew up.
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Martina, I'm asking this question because you said it's OK with you if the child isn't an infant or isn't the same heritage as you. So I'm just checking - have you tried contacting your local Child Welfare office? A lot will allow single-parent foster care and/or adoption. There are children - MANY CHILDREN - looking for homes in the Child Welfare system. Either they have not been able to stay with the foster parents or were placed in a group home setting due to lack of foster care providers - or for other reasons. Sometimes there is a bit more bureacracy and red tape, but the state usually pays for the adoption, sometimes you will qualify for adoption assistance, the child will usually qualify for state medical insurance, and you are helping a child in need. You have to meet the same criterion to adopt a child through any other means - with a home inspection and everything.
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