The Top 10 Signs the Antichrist is a Vegetarian:

 10. Instead of roasting the flesh of infidels, the fires of Hell
     are now just used to roast marshmallows.
  9. Local organic gardens finding unprecedented crop yield when
     planted in a pentagram configuration.
  8. The new line of Satan's Own salad dressings ("All after-tax
     profits go to Hell").
  7. As the apocalypse begins, every Outback Steakhouse is reduced
     to a pile of cinders.
  6. His black shroud is really just an XXXL "Meat is Murder"
     T-shirt turned inside out.
  5. Tofu burritos are in short supply whenever he's in town.
  4. Gardenburger now offers patties in the shape of a
     Christian child.
  3. Has started ordering his disciples to cut back on the goat
     sacrifices in favor of a vegan alternative.
  2. At his restaurant, International House of Tofu (IHOT), it's
    $6.66 for the burrito dinner.
    ... and the #1 Sign the Antichrist is a Vegetarian:
  1. Instead of fishermen, his disciples are lactose intolerant
     acrylic fleece sweater makers.

   The Top 10 Signs You're Eating Genetically Modified Food:

 10. Your green beans are attempting a split flanking maneuver on
     your clearly surprised mashed potatoes.
  9. Whenever Gallagher appears on TV, your watermelon leaps
     up, grabs the remote and shuts off the set.
  8. It tastes the same, but now the asparagus leaves your
     bathroom smelling April fresh.
  7. You use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your
     kid's room.
  6. The label says that your buffalo chicken wings are made
     from REAL flying bison.
  5. An apple a day... cures leukemia.
  4. Family of seven, one turkey -- yet everyone gets a drumstick.
  3. Your Ginsu knives are suddenly afraid of the tomatoes.
  2. Chocchini: Looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding-Dong.
    ... and the #1 Sign You're Eating Genetically Modified Food:
  1. A SWAT team is ordering the Chalupa to drop *you*.

 [report anonymous abuse]

The Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs:

 10. "Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock."
  9. "I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?"
  8. "Cumin here often?"
  7. "How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?"
  6. "Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?"
  5. "Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?"
  4. "We've now simmered for the recommended 25 minutes - time to
      come to a full boil!"
  3. "You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee - and less drippy."
  2. "Get the buttah."
    ... and the Number 1 Pickup Line used by Chefs:
  1. "Uh, yeah ... I invented Spaghetti-O's"

The Top 10 Rejected Planet Hollywood Appetizers:

 10. Die Hard Twice-Boiled Lobster
  9. Forrest Gumbo
  8. Jerry Springer Rolls
  7. Demi S'Moores
  6. Martin Short Ribs
  5. The Meat Formerly Known as Loaf
  4. A Fish Called Sushi
  3. Armaghetti
  2. O.J.'s "Real Killer" Chili
    ... and the Number 1 Rejected Planet Hollywood Appetizer:
  1. Arnold's "It'll Be Back" Bean Soup

 10. Leaving half-sucked lollipops out for sweet ants is a quick and
     easy way to add nutritional value to this already popular treat.
  9. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you're really
     running late, bring the waffle iron into the shower with you.
  8. A simple turkey baster can also be used to remove those pesky
     beans lodged in your ear canal.
  7. In a pinch, frozen water can substitute for ice.
  6. Adding a dash of Drano to your liver and onions won't kill the
     taste, but should numb your taste buds enough for you to swallow.
  5. Remember: Steak + Crest does *not* equal "steak tartare."
  4. Forget to pack the grill? No problem -- just spritz some olive
     oil on your engine block and you'll be cooking in no time!
  3. Ground hamster adds a distinct tasty garnish to otherwise dull
     mealtimes... no, it doesn't taste like chicken.
  2. Your screen door can also double as a handy cheese-grater!
   and the #1 [Bizzaro World] Martha Stewart Cooking Tip:
  1. For a real St. Patrick's day treat, leave the corned beef out on
     the counter for a week beforehand. You not only get the taste of
     corned beef, but it will be a festive shade of holiday green that
     will accent your dinner table just right.

 10. Knee-Drop Soup
  9. Pile Driver Chili
  8. RAW! RAW! RAW! Oysters on the half shell
  7. The $4.99 Grand Body Slam Breakfast
  6. The "WCW": A baby green salad with low-cal vinaigrette
     on the side.
  5. Chili Con Carnage
  4. "Definitely Not Fake!" Crab Salad
  3. Hulk Hoagie
  2. Jesse The Vegetable Tempura
    ... and the most popular item at the WWF Theme Restaurant:
  1. Mankind's Ear, lightly sauteed with blood, and served on a
     loaf of WhoopAss bread

 10. Frigiderriere
  9. Doorless Microwave
  8. Electric Combination
     Slicer/Dicer/Dispose-of-the-Body-in-the-River Machine
  7. Glock 9mm Drive-By Salad Shooter
  6. Cat Compactor
  5. Betty Crocker "EZ" Crystal Meth Cooker
  4. Baby's First Microwave
  3. Ronco Ice Cream Steamer
  2. Popeil's Turkey Baster/Home Enema Kit
    ... and the Number 1 Least-Used Kitchen Appliance:
  1. Frozen Squidsickle Maker

10. Dan Quayle's Harty Potatoe Soop
 9. Exorcist Split Pea Soup
 8. Matzoh Ball, Ham 'n' Hebrew Alphabet Noodles
 7. Wonderbroth!
 6. Manhattan Phlegm Chowder
 5. Hearty Booger Bonanza
 4. Stars 'n' Swastikas
 3. Porn Chowder
 2. Pigeon 'n' Carp flavored Cup-O-Gruel
  ... and the Number 1 Rejected Campbell's Soup Variety:
 1. Chunky Liver with Fava Beans

Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder
Oh how do you taste,
So thick and so creamy
You're almost a paste.
Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder,
You once was an ear,
But now in a pot,
And my stomach so near.
Corn Chowder, Corn Chowder,
Where did you go,
There is no more left,
So I guess I'll make mo'!