I am one of the fortunate ones who is loosing hearing slowly.  I am amazed at how helpful the animals are around us to help make up for what we miss. 

     Poeple think I am snubbing them off or intentionally ignoring them or just passiffyiing them by giving a positive response, but I am not.  I do not want to tell them that I can not hear what all they are trying to communicate with me.  I enjoy the attention and their friendly gestures but when I can not understand what they say it get very frustrating for me and they often take that as my being upset with them.

     It is not them I am upset with.  I am upset with my self not with the other people around me.

     The nature of my work is to help people with impairments of many varieties but that does not seem to help me deal any better with my own disabilities.  I really appreciate the support of groups like this.

                    THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

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I was just telling some folks in another group about my hearing disability, and the topic of relationships between people came up.  [My background:  my hearing loss was detected in kindergarten -- said to be a 30% loss in both ears -- I am considered "high functioning" and can speak clearly, so many people don't know about this disability -- I have general deafness but mostly problems with specific tones].

As I was telling them (it the other group), since some people get really hostile about repeating themselves, I long ago broke the world down into sev. categories:  Those that will willingly speak up or repeat when asked, since they want me to be a part of the conversation; those that will sometimes speak up or repeat, but will do so as if it's a chore and will only speak up a little bit, sometimes requiring me to ask for them to repeat again; those who decided it/I am not worth it and say "oh, nothing" or "nevermind."  One of my co-workers falls into the last group, sometimes repeating herself but when she does she turns away and does NOT speak louder (she's one of the softest speakers I know); if I ask again she says "nevermind" and goes back to what she was doing.

The effect of all of this on my psyche has been a continual feeling of not belonging (just about anywhere I am) and a strong desire to know what's going on around me (I'm probably considered somewhat "nosy" -- but when you can't hear the conversations going on around you, the only way to find out what's going on is to ask one of the members of the group!).

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    Thank You Valarie

     It helps to know that I am not alone but it also makes me sad at the same time that others also have to go through these kinds of things.

THANKS SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR INPUT AND INFORMATION!

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Hi Wolfgram and Valerie...

Your posts both rang very true to me...  It seems hard to keep the balance between *not* hearing someone clearly, and them feeling 'snubbed' as Wolfgram mentioned; vs. feeling nosy while trying to get tabs on where the conversation is headed, etc.  I feel so guilty when someone has been talking to me, and I have been off in another world because I never heard them start speaking to begin with (or they are in another room, etc).  People who don't know me must think I am a total bag sometimes since I don't always respond when they talk to me when my back is turned.  I try to educate them as best as I can, and let them know that I apologize for not hearing them, but......  pointing to my hearing aid will help a lot, but then you get some folks who start to yell, or distort their speech trying to 'speak up' which doesn't help as much as they think it might...

While I am typing... Please let me apologize for my absence from the group over the summer.  I was sent a fairly difficult message from one of the members, and was - frankly - very upset about it.  I have come to realize that regardless of what that person thinks, this group was created to embrace all who are interested.  I shouldn't let that person's issues get to me to the point where I have neglected the rest of you...  Which is what I guess I did.  I apologize for letting the rest of you down.  All summer long, I have felt like such a failure as a group host, and yet unable to post because of my failure fear and the sharp words from that person...

I have attracted an audiologist to the group - as you can see; her name is Audio Doc.  Hopefully she can help us with some difficult questions, and she has agreed to co-host the group... Hooray for Audio Doc!! Thank you for joining and helping start some dialog here... (It has been so silent!  something we all understand too well!)

Please, email me at auricle@care2.com if you have some ideas for the group, or if you are interested in possibly co-hosting.  The group has lots of potential, however needs some drivers that have some sense of direction.... I hope that all of you can accept my sincere apology, it hasn't been true neglect, only my emotions holding me back...

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Great to have you back Auricle

Yes in Care2 it is easy to get brought down under attack of someone or several but like you say we may move on if we choose for the better good of everyone else as well as ourselves.

     Progress of the worthwhile moves forward no matter how many negative influences try to stop it or drag it down. 

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Thank you Wolfgram... You are completely correct.

I must learn to be the duck, and let things 'roll off my back' so to speak.  Not always an easy lesson to learn, especially while under a bit of, well, an attack.  I feel so poorly that I have let the group 'die' for a while because I was so distraught , however... I am trying my best to get my head above water again...

This is my first group, as you must be able to tell (DOH).  I hope to be much more active in the future.  I was extremely discouraged; however... today is a new day, and tomorrow will be another new day.... And every day, I learn new things... If I had a wish, it would be NOT to let other people's words and actions bother me personally, even if directed towards me.  I am trying only to be a facilitator to bring a group of people together for common discussion regarding a specific issue...  and then the group can evolve as it will... (i hope).  The people in the group is what defines AudibleGAIN.  We are all part of the whole, and we should make of it whatever it can be...

What would you like to see here?? (HEAR, heheh)

Well, lunch is over.... Gotta swim

*Auricle

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     Thank you for contributing, Carol.

Say, was my picture on the cover of that book about people who make snap descisions.  I fear I am guilty of that on more than one occasion.

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Carol, I couldn’t agree with you more.

Communication is key to any relationship, but it seems that we have the worst communication patterns with those with whom we are closest.  You wouldn’t find yourself hollering to the Queen of Sheba if she were in your living room and you were in the kitchen “DO YOU WANT CREAM IN YOUR COFFEE????” but we do it at home with the most cherished, most loved  people in our lives.

Snap judgements, I had not thought about this aspect of communication much before, thanks for raising this topic.  I wonder how much of what can be misconstrued in a conversation is due just to the presence of a hearing loss, or compensation strategies that people adopt to attempt to hide or manage without making too many waves, so to type.  When we ask for repetition – others think maybe we aren’t paying the right amount of attention to them, and get miffed.  They raise their voices, we feel as if they are irritated… This is an interesting area to delve into, and to find that delicate balance.  It may take a magician to find that happy medium, but perhaps some of the strategies that we can come up with will help us all strive towards that point…

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As we were discussing earlier; I find that I am a smile and nod kind of person which has given people the illusion that I really don't have alot to say- which is the exact opposite. I have quite alot to say about just about everything. ~grin~ The problem is that by the time I get the jest of what is being discussed (in a social or business situation) the conversation has moved on.

Then there are those that think I am snotty because I don't engage in conversations that require alot of participation on my part.

How many of us here have spoken completely out of context of what was being discussed and how embarressing is that?

For example the discussion was on one topic and finally the light dawns and you are able to contribute to the conversation only to discover that the topic has changed and your input is way out of sinc with the present. People look at you as if you are completely off your rocker- right?

This is another situation that took me awhile to master but Bless God! I finally got the hang of.

Raising Your voice in proportion to the amount of hearing you have lost. It didn't really occur to me that I might be doing so until I was in a group and one of the women was hearing impaired and all but screaching. Now I try and monitor myself so that as my hearing loss progresses I do not find myself screaching at people at top volume as if they were the one that was deaf.

I am lucky in that I basically work in a "no sound" environment for the most part so by the time I began to lose my hearing I had grown accustomed to not hearing for long periods at a time so it wasn't as freaky for me as it might have been otherwise. 

I think having people around you- family and so forth- and watching them lose their hearing makes it an easier adjustment. You see the ways that they cope and adopt what has worked for them and modify and apply that to your own life.

In a relationship it doesn't hurt if your partner has a bit of hearing loss himself- no problems or arguements with the volume on the telly then...right?

     I am just getting awuainted with Dr Angel and she really is unique.  She told me a little bit about herself an her work so I will tell you what I got out of what she told me.

     Dr Angel works in the Subject matter of "FAULTS"

Since I have been blamed most of my life for everything being my fault, if you ever want to take some days off of work Dr Angel, just tell them it is my fault, and you will be back later to continue your work(LOL)

     go to my group about Animals Helping HUmans and see what information Dr Angel assisted with in "Monkeys Helping Humans" topic.

     In your work Doctor do people often argue over whose fault it is?  IF so are they trying for it to become their own fault or do they want the fault to be someone elses(LOL)?

     Perhaps in order to understand this humor you will need more information on Dr Angel.

   Who said people with impairments can not have fun?

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Dr Angel, You are not alone!!  When the group thickens, I tend to melt as well…  I have had the sometimes extremely embarrassing experience of responding to a topic that was switched several minutes prior – and I am quite obviously ‘not with it.’  Not only that, but I have trouble keeping up with conversation, so if someone has something BIG and LONG to say, I can get totally lost trying to comprehend the message.  I’ll remember bits and pieces of it, which can get me into trouble later on.  (Didn’t you remember, the car has an appointment this Friday…  Ummm, uhhh… no?  Did we talk about the car recently?).  Sometimes I wonder if others feel I’m off my rocker, but maybe they are right, to a certain extent.  I try to play along when the topic has moved on without me, and it is not always easy to pull off .  I have pulled the ‘human hearing aid’ trick of asking the person next to me (what did s/he say??) and that only works a few times before you start to irritate your human hearing aid… I think as a child I had some trouble monitoring the volume of my voice, and now – (go ahead and laugh) it is worse! Not because of my ears, necessarily – but because of my JOB!  Many people I come in contact with do not hear well at all, nor do they wear hearing aids – so I must be an extremely loud individual to get my message across. Sometimes, when the lungs and vocal cords can no longer take it, we resort to me typing on the computer (in font sized 60), then they will respond verbally – it works well.. Then, when I get home, the dear hubby says, why are you speaking so loudly?  .Ooops!

Wolfgram, you have some great humor! (Is that your fault? *teehee*)    No one ever said we can’t have fun, we’re all just people trying to live in this wonderful world that we are on…  Challenges for each individual are different, which builds our characters into who we are… how we approach situations… and how we will ultimately live our lives… Humor and fun are some of the best ways, IMHO, to keep a healthy outlook on life…

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I have been quoted as often said:

"It is not my Fault that your Fault is uhh Faulty"-                    (when a co-workers graph is off kilter)

I graph fault lines on the ocean floor- or as much of it as we have the capability to understand and reach.

I have a dozen of these zingers...heehee 

~Wolfgram~

I tell you...the more research I dig up on Assistive Animals the more enchanted I become. Awesome Awesome stuff!

~To Audio Doc~ Hello!

In your experience are you finding a relationship between hearing loss and sight loss being a factor? Though I have not outrightly spoken to a professional I have noticed a decline in my eyesight almost in direct proportion with my hearing loss. I wondered if this was connected or simply a part of the aging process and not related at all. Thoughts?

DR ANGEL THIS IS A WARNING FOR YOU AND OTHERS

      I learned through my own experience as Dr. Angel points out, the more we learn about Assistive Animals aka Animals Helping Humans with impairments:

the more fascinating and full of desire it makes us to become more and more involved with this wonderful and natural way for so many people to join in on so much fun while learning and helping ourselves as well as others.

     IT MAY BE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE; BE CAREFULL!!!

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I've been trying to consider logistics for how to HELP with fostering animals for assistive purposes, or learning parts of training, etc.  Since you mentioned the monkeys (I guess the chimps are out, LOL) I have been talking monkeys day in, day out with my DH... It is turning into an addiction, and I've only read about it!!! DOH!  Actually, I have been pursuing different sources for years trying to become a foster home for puppies, the only hard one to convince is my significant other... (Who is so very incredibly special, and will most certainly read this post as he is a member of this group too... xoxox : ) sorry if I should keep my fingers less mobile on the keyboard, darling one  

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Dr. Angel,

After mulling over your post regarding eyesight  and ear/hear (??)... A saying my husband uses came to mind.  We both have the opportunity of meeting many elderly people, and at some point - sometimes they will mention something regarding their advanced age, or that we have not reached it, or something to that effect.  His response goes something like this:

We each go through life the same way:  one day at a time.  We may have started at different times and places, but we still advance through life the same way: only one day at a time...

It does seem that many people do seem to have a diminished sense of eyesight as the days pass, as well as those who experience a diminished sense of hearing (whether or not they will admit it!).  There are some cases in which it can be related, some genetic, some not... At any rate, you should likely take your concerns to your audiologist and your physician to come to a conclusion and find an answer that satisfies your questions...

My two beads worth

Happy beading *Auricle

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I managed to miss your question regarding eyesight and hearing loss and relationships between the two...  I am sorry...  Our bodies are extremely intricate, as you are most certainly aware by doing your own work.

The specific answer to your question, I won't be able to give you - for you should follow up with a physician who can examine you and ask you pertinant questions regarding your situation, etc.

Generally, as Auricle suggested, eyesight and hearing can deteriorate as we age - as one of the gifts of advancing through the years.

In the balance system, for example, the eyes and ears work together to help with the sense of balance - so one can influence the other at times. (There is a reflex VOR - when you turn your head, the eyes turn in the opposite direction... and movement - such as on a train or a bus will trigger a different reflex, OPK, where your eyes will track an item, then jump to another item, so your eyes 'zig-zag' going back and forth - commonly called 'nystagmus'... I'll stop the detail here, sorry)

So, for instance - a patient who is suffering from a degenerative disease such as MS, it could be possible that the reflexes linking the eyes and ears to be influenced, which can be very difficult to deal with.

I doubt I am answering your question to your satisfaction, however, it is not a question that I could possibly come close to answering over the net, having never met or examined you - nor having the credentials of being a physician.

If you are still having questions, please - follow up with a physician - and an audiologist too - that way you can get some answers that will satisfy you...

Sorry to not be of any help...

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     I am here to learn every bit as much as I am here to help others learn and get questions answered for their own particular situations.

     Please give us as much information and techniqal information as you can, Doc.  It helps me to understand better, so I can explain and also helps us to better understand what is actually happening to us or what may happen to others and thus better understand and deal with many situations or conditions we otherwise would asue that everyone else is experiencing too.

     Speaking personally for myslef, too mush information is never enough.  Please, Doc, keep it coming!

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    I WROTE THEM QUITE A WHILE AGO ABOUT MY PROBLEMS GETTING MY POSTS TO BE ENTERED INTO THE GROUPS?

   Looks like they are at least checking it out!

   I have been unabel to send stars to anyone for several months also.  That is why none of you have recieved stars!  

   NOT BECAUSE I HAVE NOT TRIED

  I HAVE TRIED THEY JUST WILLNOT SEND THEM?

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