'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.'
A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.'
One particular four-year-old prayed, 'And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' One bright little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, ' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. 'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, 'Did God throw him back down?'
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?' 'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.
The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car-in the "ten items or less" lane.
You've stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.
You've found yourself discussing the weather.
You remember your kid's names, just not always the right one.
You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.
Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.
You buy "age-defying" makeup and "anti-wrinkle" creams and believe they work.
You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.
You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.
You've had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic-"for the last time in a generation"
Wal-Mart and Target seem to share your fashion sense.
The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.
You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag-in less than five minutes.
You know what Earth Shoes are.
You think if you hear "Stairway to Heaven" one more time your head will explode.
Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.
Make Someone Smile Today ~ 2 September 26, 2007 6:31 PM
An exasperated Mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"