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patchwork narrative - Emptiness
3 years ago
patchwork narrative - Emptiness
JUL 16
Autumn has not yet arrived though it is quite late
in the day.  Perhaps she has unexpected lengthy
errands, or a minor but fatiguing illness that keeps
her home.  No cause for worry. 
I am uneasy.  Without her magic to fill me, time weighs
too solidly.  I want counter force of night activity to buffer
the enormity.
Daytime energy is low before twilight’s call to cycle upward.
I try moving about this place as if she were here to encourage
My body, so old, so young, so familiar, so despised for its
endless demands.  Movement is a better focus.  Oppressively
physical noun becomes lost in the fluid verb, forgotten, usurped.
I am wind, rain, kinetic.
This space is fixed, walled in.  Without Autumn’s transforming
I am bound, cramped.  How did I do this before, all those
incredibly empty days?
I remember, and put myself into trance, empty waiting for dark’s
vigor to take charge. In the inner theater trance reveals, clowns
and courtly jesters point outward and laugh.  Softly colored
balloons bubble to the ceiling over the stage.  They carry
cryptic messages.  I’ve seen it all before.  These mages never
help me.  They appear for show, vile stabs of hope for
transcendence.  It is not knowledge nor enlightenment
I lack.  My emptiness is so much larger.  Distraction, gift of
Autumn’s presence I let myself depend upon; brutal insistence
of hunger; flights of fancy I embark upon from observing the
city’s plays and my soliloquies.  These ethereal treats contain
no power to fill more than insubstantial moments.
I feel darkness rising, the sun’s eloquent descent.
I emerge into blessing of night after day’s helpless agitation.
A blessing replete with homage to cruel, merciless gods who
haunt me, eternally.
Relentless heat has turned the street into a trance of empty-eyed
desperation, inert anger intent on search for ign
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