Carol, this is the best way to start the New Year and to you, please keep this up as we look forward to Wednesday so much.
Carol, I LOVE THE LAST ONE, all of them, but the last one had me sliding off my chair...
I do believe that I am going to have to use the last one as a reference point for my dieting; I will just get a goose and cut down. That should keep me busy and elminiate the desire to eat.
Carol, between your Wednesday Wit and Diane's Friday Recipe Dump, my week is complete and I have so much fun. Thank you again and please keep these coming. I am not sure which I liked best; so I will say I loved them all!!!!
REGARDING MY DOG
In response to all the recent E-Mails .....
Please be advised, I am sick and tired of answering questions about my dog.
Yes, he mauled six people wearing Obama T-shirts,
four wearing Pelosi T-shirts,
two democrats, nine teenagers with pants hanging past their cracks, three flag
burners and a Pakistani taxi driver.
FOR THE LAST TIME, THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !
I also do not approve of his smoking but he says it gets the bad taste out of his mouth.
The Husband Store– a visit for Christmas
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester, just off Deans gate where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework...
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Frank, this is wonderful and got a good laugh. Thank you.
Carol and Frank you are rocking my boat this afternoon....I needed a good laugh this afternoon and you two brought the house down.
Frank, I want to buy that dog!
Isn't it nice to get away from the heavy stuff. I could add some but first I have to find a CLEAN one to post. Hubby has lots of old Navy jokes. And, since I enjoy being on here - I sure don't want to be thrown off.
an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker,
a "Bush's Fault" poster,
a "Blame Boehner" poster,
a "Tax the Rich" poster,
an application for unemployment,
an application for food stamps,
a prayer rug,
a letter of assignation of debt to my grandchildren
and a machine to blow smoke up my butt.
All directions were in Spanish.
Keep an eye out.
Yours should arrive soon!
Frank, just what I need; no thank you. LOL
Frank, MINE didn't arrive!
Frank, my 76 year old Aunt sent this to me yesterday and thank you for posting it as it made my day. My Survival Pack is not here yet, but I was told that due to popular demand, and the fact that the Government misjudged and didn't order sufficient quantities, that there is a 2 week delay due to backorder. So I do hope to receive it in several weeks. Do you think they put in some Chicklets gum? That is normally part of all Military ration kits so I just wondered as I will feel so much more comfort in knowing there is a little pack with 2 Chicklet gums in it. Oh, and is there a packet of cocoa mix? That is a huge comfort as well. Also, what if I don't like the color of my prayer rug? Are they exchangeable? Since this is in Spanish, is there an English to Spanish dictionary included as that sure would help.
Seriously, this was fun. Thank you Frank. Diane, don't be dismayed, they are on backorder.
what would we do without you, Carol?
Carol -- where in the world do you find these. They are hillarious!
They get better every week. I have so much fun and the anticipation that builds waiting for Wednesday. These were great!!!
you are a rascal, Carol!!
Oh Carol, these are absolutely the best....thank you for making Wednesday the day to look forward to for us.
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a
lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists
considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!", while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons suggested that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington…
Carol and Frank -- thank you for bringing sunshine into a cloudy day!
...and they just keep getting better all the time!!!!
can't live without Wednesday Wit.
For 13 February:
A young man fell in love with a very lovely young lady. Unfortunately she did not return the feeling. In desperation, he visited a local group of witches to ask for a love potion that he could slip to the reluctant lass.
They informed him that they no longer provided such an item, as it was highly unethical to administer a potion to someone without their permission. They did have an alternate
solution. They sold him a bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard every night at midnight for a month, until they were all gone.
He returned to the witches six weeks later, excited and thankful. He and the young lady were going to marry in a month. He was ecstatic and wanted to know how the spell had worked.
The witches explained, "Nothin' says lovin' like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best!"
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
On Monday, I'm celebrating the holiday which honors people who do something that others then imitate until it becomes the rule. It's Precedence Day.
This is posted for Carol at her request.
"Precedence Day" that is too good. Depends on the precedence though. LOL
Made my day Carol. Thank you!!!!
Hey, Linda, you got a double post today, too!!
Sorry about that. This latency is still there for me some. Not sure why. Got rid of the extra, LOL However, Carol, you deserved a double post for all your wonderful posts on Wednesday Wit; they are just what the doctor ordered so many times.
I will never go in another Chinese restaurant without wondering if the head cook is able to "wok a strayed lion" Carol. And I will have to ask them if they could dim sum, too.
These are wonderful. Thank you so much.
Linda, also, be a bit leery, if you see one of those Chinese Chefs wearing a cowboy hat with a long cats tail hanging off the back end. LOL.
A triple hit, Carol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love the prayer mats LOL!!
Carol, as much as I applaud you for your hard work on C2NN and all that you are doing there, this is still my absolute favorite of your efforts. The happiness and lift to spirits it brings when things seem so hopeless is so appreciated. Thank you, Carol, thank you for Wednesday Wit and than you for all the articles you are posting on C2NN, but most of all, thank you for your being one of the PD family and a co-host.
The Blonde GUY joke.....
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas ! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."
(Oh this is GOOD!!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"
This post was modified from its original form on 13 Mar, 8:23
Oh Lordy, your efforts today are so appreciated! Just loved them! We need this!
These are the funniest jokes I have seen in a long time. Very good, Carol. LOL
Carol, and may you and all PD members have a wonderful Ether as you watch for the Etherbunny. (That has to be the most fun ever and my grandsons said that you should get a lot of money for that one, Carol. They are applying to be your manager. LOL)
I loved them all and have to send them to my Aunt as she looks forward to seeing your Wednesday Wit, as well.
terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist said to him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside, and I had to break a window to get my keys.
"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.
"When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.
"When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.
"And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell
This is my now the first thing I do on Wednesday; thank you Carol as you always come through with the best medicine, laughter is wonderful.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine,
waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
So much fun our Wednesday Wit. Thank you to all of you for your input. It's such a pleasure to visit this thread every Wednesday.
Didn't see that one coming Frank.
Sandy, I say the same thing week after week, but it is the absolute truth, you make my Wednesday the best day of the week with your Wednesday Wit. I would be completely lost without it. Please keep it coming as we all need this. I have been sharing it with family members and now they are hooked, too. Last week I forgot to copy and paste into an email to send to them and all 5 sent me emails wondering where it was and to please get it to them ASAP. So, you have a following now and it is growing I am sure. I know that of the 5 I send to they forward it to their friends, too; safe to say you have probably 40 fans now outside PD followers.
No pressure here, but please never stop!!!!!
Carol, I don't often comment, but I do read them all & thoroughly enjoy the puns & jokes. Love them!
Carol, where in the world do you find these? Every week - I always tune in to see what you've come up with this week.
Thanks! It makes the day!
I don't know what we would do without Carol's Wednesday Wit. In fact, all of you share so much of your personalities and wit on your own weekly threads and I thank you from the bottom of my recipe heart.
Good going Carol; I had to read Ferdinand's last sentence twice to realize what it said, but it was a great response once I realized what it meant. Thanks for the chuckle.
Carol -- you must put all these jokes in a book and sell them! It will be a best seller!
Since crows are my least favorite birds, I think we should leave things the way they are. Normally I would have thought we should re-educate them to learn to say "truck" but no, not this time. LOL
Carol, I was in need of a good chuckle and you came through as you always do. Thank you so much and yes, it would be "Sir Eel" as I can't imagine Queen Elizabeth inebriated. LOL
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.' 'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honor thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments....’
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'We'll take 10.'
Frank, we are going to have to get you to do your comedy column for us as you have some good ones. You should take a day of the week, say Thursday or Saturday and share with us as that spreads out the humor and we all need to get through the weekend. LOL
This is so funny and thank you. I had to copy and paste it to share with some others, too.
Did the same with yours, Carol, as I do each week. Thank you both.
Linda with all the negative issues we deal with throughout the day, and in our lives in general....this Wednesday Wit is such a pleasant escape. All I can say is thank you for introducing this and letting me be a part of it.
Frank, oh no, this is Carol K all the way. She started this over a year ago and we all have loved every single Wednesday since then. We look forward to it as you are right, we all need that escape and she makes it so much fun. We can't get enough humor in our lives so feel free to join in as I am sure she won't mind. But no, I will not take any credit at all, this is Carol K from day one.
This post was modified from its original form on 24 Apr, 10:58
Carol I tip my hat off to you. Good thought good job, Thank you for the fun
Thanks Carol and Frank for the entertainment....always big fun on a Wednesday!!!