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MIRTHFUL MONDAY; You aren't going to believe these BLONDE JOKES
1 year ago
Blonde MEN Jokes
A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man said, "Let's hope it's not on Friday the 13th." ------------------------------------
Two blonde men find three grenades, and decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." ------------------------------------
A woman told her blonde neighbor, "Close your curtains when you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday." ------------------------------------
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." ------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look, says, "It seems calm enough to me." "Wait,” the blonde man says, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet." ------------------------------------
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND." He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. ------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" ------------------------------------
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he swerves to avoid a tree, then another, then another. When a cop car pulls him over, he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging!" ------------------------------------


This post was modified from its original form on 27 Jan, 21:33
1 year ago
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" she asks. "Here boy!" he replies. ------------------------------------
A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell, sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe." ------------------------------------
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
1 year ago

Over the years I dated a couple of blonde men, and no matter how much fun we have had at the sake of blonde women, this above pretty much proves what I learned, blonde men and blonde women should never marry as their children would be the most confused children and have the most interesting of childhoods as these pretty much are something I could imagine hearing from a blonde man.  LOL  Good job Jim!!!    

1 year ago

I never gave it much thought that I could possibly have had two blonde parents. Wheeoohh, I'm lucky, because I was blonde as was my father, but my mother has black hair.

 

My blonde hair, did, however, turn grey eventually, so I'm no longer "one of those blondes" but at least I am fair and will give or deny credit wherever it is or isn't due. LOL.

 

Jim

And now for the Best One Yet, Or might it be the Worst One??
1 year ago

 A man who'd        just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly        tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the        deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out he        does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow,        however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue,        and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a        blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my        husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next        day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a        gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him        perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm        very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much        did you spend?'  
To her        astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank        check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must        compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she        says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You        see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in        shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue        suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a        black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he        looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

(BET        YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)
 
--
A government which robs Peter        to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard        Shaw
 
   
   
   
   
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