Sorry about the dating blunder! August 20, 2004 5:57 AM
I so needed to write an answer to the posts. About me and that dating blunder...I have not had one date till date! I noticed for the first time today that there were 2 options which said "interested or not interested in dating". I did not notice and i was surely looking to meet friends...it is nothing but a really dumb error.
I never dated in my life and i never can b'cos i never understood the concept in the literal sense! It is not at all common atleast here where i stay! The one person with whom i got married was my brother in law's friend and we met in some family functions. Both our families were for this relationship, so it simply ended in marriage.
The person i am with right now, is my childhood friend. I have known him for over 15 years now and we were best buddies. There was nothing we couldn't talk about. When my marriage began to break due to my health reasons, he stood by me like a rock. Despite all odds and against heavy pressure, he stood by me unconditionally giving all possible support i needed. He helped me believe in myself and reiterated my self esteem. He took a lot of flak by standing up for me but he never uttered a single word of discouragement.
Now when i look back, i wonder how i never realized what i felt for him. Of course he was my dearest friend and the only reason I could even imagine another relationship was because i knew with him, i was never going to lose. If not anything, atleast we would still be the greatest friends. Because i did not ask him for a marriage. I've only wanted his love, his presense...maybe not even with me. We don't live together and there is a very big chance that we might never ever be able to live together ever. B'cos divorce still is a major stigma here and his family is very orthodox. I might never be welcome in their house and i have been conditioning myself to that painful but very real possibility.
The reason i wrote here was in hope that maybe there was something i was missing which someone might point out to and then it could help better this relationship. I cannot possibly explain the feelings i have for this person within 3000 words or lines. I would need more and even then maybe it would be incomplete. All i am trying to say is, what I have for him is so much more than just love, it is unconditional trust, unquestionable faith, intense passion, complete surrender and infinite love. Even if i found "THE PERFECT" guy now, its of no use since i cannot love anyone else. So, leaving this relationship was never an option. Just wanted to see if it could better. And the simple fact is, irrespective of whether he wants me in his life or not, he will always be in mine, there's no changing that. So...apologize for the blunder once again...no plans of dating....there never were and there never will be Love and Peace to all
[ send green star]