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some days, my soul just weeps April 29, 2005 2:36 PM

some days...my soul just weeps with the sorrow and the lonliness.  today is one of those days.  no one can come close to filling the emptiness that overwhelms me sometimes.  how do I continue on, when the person who has been in my life for 40 years is no longer at my side?  I miss her so much, our daily phone calls, our knowing exactly what the other was going to say, the look that we could give each other that spoke volumes without saying a word.  the connection that sisters share from babyhood on, that no one can come close to duplicating.

I weep on the inside....for on these days, I feel like if I was to start to cry...I would never stop. 

Novella

thinking of you Jen, and planting marigolds for you

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My dear Novella, April 29, 2005 3:35 PM

I understand perectly how you feel, not because I lost a sister, but because I lost Tony, my soul mate.  Obviously, it was a different relationship, but the way we loved each other made us into "one person"!  We share similar tastes, mannerisms, outlook on life...  There was passion, understanding, mutual help, and so much love.  May 3 will be the first anniversary of Tony's passing, and I'm mostly sick because he's no longer with me...

Be strong, Novella.  I'll be too.  Light and love,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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Novella, I am glad that you came here... April 29, 2005 6:48 PM

Novella, I am glad that you came here, this is where you needed to place this sorrow and for that I feel your anguish too. I will say little on this other than I send you my love, prayers and blessings for some unexplainable sign/miracle that your sister heard your loneliness my dear Novella. To just know that she is aware is sometimes an even greater comfort. ---ginger  [ send green star]
 
sigh April 29, 2005 7:22 PM

How well we know what you are feeling. It's an abyss and somedays it's hard to just get out of bed....or go to sleep. Insomnia is such a part of my life now. Hugs to you today.  [ send green star]
 
Hugs to you April 29, 2005 7:51 PM

One of the important things, I think, is for you to accept that your reaction is normal for you and okay...each of us has to find our own way to deal with the emptiness and loneliness that is part of such a loss.  After almost 12 years, I can share that it never goes away, but you find ways to adapt and deal with.  "Talking" to the individual and creating special new traditions or rituals can help...and, having a supportive group like this is fantastic....

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I agree Tim that talking to them does help...Rhonda... April 30, 2005 6:03 AM

I agree Tim that talking to them does help especially out loud or to their picture or however you feel comfrotable doing it. It can give great solace to the soul to speak to them on a daily basis even if it is a good morning or acknowledgement to their name aloud.

Rhonda, yes, unfortunately it is all a part of the whole process no matter how much people console us with words like, "It will ease in time and it gets better." That is always an overused cliche` during sorrow and well sorrow/grief may last our entire lifetimes but holding onto their memory and the fact that they were here as such vital parts of our lives that there is the hardest thing to accomplish. Knowing that they once were and now are not. Keeping their memory alive when some would rather act as if life goes on and it does go on but sometimes grief is that bump in the road that causes us to take notice and detours us for a reason and many seasons yet to come. Take your time at this folks because no matter how someone else handles it the way you do is just as important. Allow yourselves the time to experience and please do not give into guilt if you do not handle it the way others think that you should either. May they all look down upon us today in our days and as we think of them each in our own special ways. ---ginger

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Novella, how are you doing? May 02, 2005 6:40 PM

Novella & Rhonda S., how are you both doing? peace & blessings---ginger  [ send green star]
 
 May 03, 2005 9:03 AM

thank you, everyone.  doing better now, and it is because I can come here, cry, vent, scream...and know that it is heard and not dismissed as silly self pity.  As time goes by and the days, weeks, months, years pile up since her leaving here....so many put across the attitude of "get over it" "move forward".  It is not understood that I am moving forward, but will never get over it, and will always have days that are difficult and sad.  It is good to come here, and have that understood.

so, today is better for me, and I am wishing you all peace within.

  Novella

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 May 03, 2005 9:06 AM

Novella,
You are absolutely correct. There is no "getting over it" or "closure"
We certainly move forward but love for those we have lost will always be there.
And with that, at times, comes the pain of missing that person.
Peace,
Skip
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ginger May 05, 2005 8:19 AM

Hi Ginger, and thank you for your thoughts. At work today I found out a coworker of mine lost her uncle and she is such a strong person but I just wanted to hug her and say something, anything that would make her not be so sad. I didn't want to make her cry at work but I wanted to reach out so bad to her. I hope everyone is doing ok this morning. sigh,rhonda  [ send green star]
 
novella May 05, 2005 8:26 AM

Novella, It is so nice to come here and know that others sense what we are all are feeling. Thank you to all who post here. It does make a difference.  [ send green star]
 
 May 05, 2005 11:24 AM

My dear friends,

Thanks for sharing your feelings and advice.  This is a great support group and I appreciate everyone's contribution.  Each one of us is fully aware of how the others are coping, crying, fighting, missing and thinking... 

With love and blessings,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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some days, my soul just weeps May 08, 2005 8:04 AM

Hi. I just found this group while I was roaming around and I'd like to share. I lost my Mom to breast cancer 6 months ago. It's getting better. It doesn't seem like it was yesteray all the time, but the ache and emptiness is still there. And today is mother's day. I am very sad.

Karen

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WELCOME! May 08, 2005 12:39 PM

Nice to have you with us, Karen! Please feel free to write whenever you want/need to!  We'll always be here for you.  Is there anything in particular you'd like to share with us?

I realize how hard Mother's Day is for you because I lost my Mom eleven years ago and it still hurts...  But I have no doubt in my mind that she's watching over me!  And I'm sure also your mother is close to you in spirit...  Talk to her...  Pray for her...  As a Roman Catholic, I believe in the power of special Masses dedicated to our deceased loved ones. Be thankful for the good memories...  I'm a breast cancer survivor and therefore I can relate to the physical and psychological pain she endured...  But now she's healthy again!  Her suffering is over. 

Hugs,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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BEING SAD May 09, 2005 3:30 AM

Thank you for your support. Today I burned a candle for not only my Mom, but my step-dad, who passed on almost 2 yrs. before my Mom. I was soo... close to them, but my Mom was happy to go home to be with God and her husband. My candle wasn't in a church, I wanted to be with it and a picture of them together. I tried to remember their life, not their death. Now, I can actually say Happy Mother's Day and can be happy for my Mom, and celebrate her Day with her life!

Thank You,   Karen C.

I have a question along a totally different line now, so change gears so you won't go into shock. lol! How do you use the emoticons (smiley faces)? Everything else works except the yellow face at the end. I do get into them, but they won't respond to my click when I select one. Instructions?

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Karen C... May 09, 2005 5:11 AM

Karen C., I am glad to see you found your way here and connected with our sorrow journey. I do believe from reading over your posting that you have reached a plateau in your journey. I agree that lighting a candle can have a very consoling and calming effect upon the grieving soul. I was saddened when I found that a local Catholic church I stopped by at recently and stopped the practice of lighting candles for our loved ones. But lighting them privately is just as much of an intimate moment and blessing for me now too. I hope that you will continue your journey and sharing here Karen. peace & blessings---ginger

As for the emoticons, Karen, just copy one them from the list and than paste them into your text. They are welcomed here and I felt that I should leave it up to the individual personality to use them or not.

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 May 09, 2005 8:24 AM

hi Karen,
I am glad you found us here.  this wonderful group of people is such a great comfort to me, and a place of safety where I find compassion, caring and love as I walk the path.

It has been almost 3 years since breast cancer took my younger sister, there are times when I can live and step forward with my days here...and as you saw from the beginning post on this thread, times when my path takes me to dark lonely detours.  it is a great help to have friends here that will hold my hand and walk with me.  Blessings to you dear, and I am sorry for your loss.

hugs......Novella

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 May 09, 2005 8:26 AM

Karen,
I join the others in welcoming you. You, like all others here, are in my thoughts.
Peace,
Skip

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 May 09, 2005 9:08 AM

Karen,

I'm pleased to hear you're healing so nicely!  You have a positive attitude and don't forget your deceased loved ones...  Actually, you think of joyous moments with them!  And - most of all - you feel comfortable with the fact that they are happy in a different dimension...  This is a blessing which few people experience! 

As far as the candles, I am a Roman Catholic myself.  I can light as many candles as I wish and dedicate them to whoever I want to...  That's a form of worship too, isn't it?  It's alright, my dear.

Hugs,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock 

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Light A Candle May 10, 2005 8:26 AM

Thank you for your encouragement.    I don't know what I did to make this purple happen, it sure is a little weird. LOL!

I think you're right tho', it isn't religion on the outside, it's what you do with it on the inside.  I'm having a good time remembering my parents and burning candles for them. Yes, this is my special time, and then I'll hit a different stage and who knows?

Until Later,

Karen 

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Thank You Skip - and All Of You May 10, 2005 8:45 AM

Thank you all for your caring and understanding!   I feel like there's a place where I can go and tell "my side of the story".

Until later,  Karen C.    LOL!

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 May 11, 2005 5:48 PM

Yes, some days my soul just weeps. But, last night, I saw a ray of sunshine peek over the hill and give me Hope. I have had so much help at Care2 just by people listening.    I've met some really great people and am trying to remember evryone's name and where I met them. If I have forgot anyone here,    and hope to talk later.  Karen C.     [ send green star]
 
Karen. so glad you are here... May 11, 2005 7:27 PM

Karen, we are all so glad you are here...Make yourself at home and if you forget a name, no hurry, no worry, we know sometimes it is hard to keep up with us all. I also never mean to slight anyone if I forget to mention a name. By the way folks if you should feel up to posting a picture of your loved ones please see the Memorial thread and how thanks to the lovely soul Daria,  Guiliana and myself were able to post pictures of our loved ones. And as always only do this if and when you are ready. peace & blessings---ginger  [ send green star]
 
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