Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of Laurel's death. For new mwmbers, Laurel was my only daughter and was killed due to the felony stupidity of a 19-year-old. For many years, the date was totally paralyzing for me, and I could not do anything on that date. Last year was probably a watershed - it was the time when she had been alive as long as she had been dead. This year was uneventful - I knew it was the date, but it did not incapacitate me. Time may not heal wounds, but it can "put a scab" over them. I still carry Laurel with me everywhere, but specific dates have lost their impact.
Officially, at least, six months as of yesterday. I tend to think more about it on the date of the accident, the eighth. So, Monday is the anniversary of the date I walked him to the OR for the last time (for organ harvest) and Tuesday is the six month anniversary of his memorial services.
I was able to do something for him last week that helped me, and I prefer to believe he knows and appreciates. He worked on F14's during his years in the air force, and dreamed of going up just one more time. As luck would have it, one of my neighbors is a flight instructor for the Navy, and, though he couldn't release the ashes (too high up for any open hatches) he very kindly agreed to take the ashes up for one final flight.
Which brings me to my point. Billy had no time for a "Bucket List" - but I knew him well enough to be able to know much of what would have been on it. Doing the above did a great deal for my peace of mind, and I think I will try to do some of the other things he dreamed of for him. I pass this on in hopes that perhaps doing the same for their loved ones will also help other members of this group.
I am going to try to put the pictures here, but in a separate post - since my computer is half-crazy with security stuff right now, and I don't want to lose what I posted above.
Love what you said! I have lived my life in honor of those who have gone before - my beloved Uncle Jack, Laurel, Dad, my wife's Dad, and others, and firmly believe in living life as they would have wanted me to. I carry them with me in my activities and hear their voices as I experience them. In my opinion, that is what honoring them is all about. Keep on, my friend...
Further (mis)adventures from Billy's Bucket List September 24, 2008 12:40 PM
One of the things Billy and I had planned for when his health improved was more cycling. He had a Trek (which, for the uninitiated, is a pretty good bike) that he was extremely proud of. Since it's too big for me (he was six inches taller than I am) I made the circuit of the bike shops yesterday, seeing if I could trade it in for one better suited to my size.
I guess alot of advances have been made in bike technology over the ten years since he bought it, because it apparently has no value on the market, or, at best, minimal.
Why is all of this relevant? Well, because it hurt as though those people (one in particular) were somehow rejecting him. Enough to have me near tears by the time I got home.
Who'da thunk it? I had no illusions that I was done with all my crying, but this was something I had had in mind for some time, but hadn't felt strong enough to do. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I felt ready. He loved that bike, though.....I will probably give it to a friend of his before I see it treated like a piece of second class merchandise again.
Well, I found a home for it.... October 07, 2008 2:29 PM
where it will be appreciated, not only for whatever intrinsic value it may have, but because it will be going to someone who loved and appreciated him - his best friend's sister. I doesn't solve my dilemma of finding a bike that fits for little money, but foremost in my mind is seeing that his bike goes to someone who will appreciate it.
I'l glad you found the appropriate person to "inherit" the bike. Sentimental and emotional values are difficult to deal with in this situation. I found I would rather give something away that had meaning to the personreceiving it, rather than deal with the objective monetary value and get upset over the difference in the two "values." Sounds like you're doing the things you need to do for you. Take care...