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Why am I doing this? November 30, 2005 1:35 PM

If you've read my other post, you know about my older sister and my two nephews (one dead, on back with his abusive father).

I called the local women's shelter today to see if they take holiday donations. I feel I owe it to my sister, and to my dead nephew, to try to brighten other people in the similar situation... Anyway.

If I'm making any sense... they said yes they take donations. They were very nice. But when I got off the phone with them... I just broke down. I can't stop crying. Why?

I don't understand it. I guess grieving never truly ends, but I do wish it would get less painful. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again. I'm doing something good. Why isn't the pain lessening?

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Crystal, November 30, 2005 2:36 PM

Crystal, allow yourself to be human first off and experience these crash moments I call them without a bit of guilt and shame. You are absolutely human and a lovely one at that. Of course this would bring out emotions in you. You love them irregardless of the choices and actions and end results. I grieve for my family too. It can happen at any given moment and at the most unexplainable times. You have a lovely soul, I can sense it from your comments. I admire your kindness. in peace & blessed be---ginger  [ send green star]
 November 30, 2005 6:13 PM

blessings to you Crystal, for your loving and giving spirit.  grief has no timetable, it is an ebb and flow.  in the times that it washes over you anew, be easy with yourself, and allow yourself to feel it all.  your caring and reaching out to those in need through the holidays is such a good thing, and the crash moment that Ginger speaks of seems coincidental to me...not a result of a good deed.  please keep sharing your loving and giving spirit...the world needs as many souls such as yours as it can get!

gentle   Novella

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