This group has been silent too long. The holidays are the toughest time of the year...please share your stories of how you get through them.
A friend asked me Sunday whether this time of year was difficult for me, missing my daughter. I told her it was only tough if I stopped and let myself think about it. And when I do that, tears flow freely and I hurt deeply inside. It happens throughout the season and I will not stop the hurt from happening...the pain tells me I am still alive and feeling.
Tears are a normal part of this season for those grieving - no matter how chronologically long it has been. (In my case, 13 years) I encourage you all to share your hurt and tears here, where those who understand can sympathize and share. Pain shared can be pain lessened.
Re: [your grief will turn to Joy!] Holidays 2006 December 12, 2006 11:18 PM
I miss my son everyday but for some reason tonight is especially tough he
has been the only thing on my mind tonight they say it gets easier it dont it
just becomes a choice that i have to keep going for my other son even tho
theres times i just want to curl up and not get out of bed.
Cliff Dreama Joey
[ send green star]
There are times we all feel what you are feeling. Grief knows no time, and every person's grief journey is unique. Do not listen to anything that tells you what you should feel or do (even your own mind) - listen to your true self and know what is true. Any holiday/anniversary is extremely difficult, and we must honor what is real for us. (I was playing Santa at a work event, and someone started singing a song that always causes tears to flow...I let them flow during the song, then wiped my eyes and continued my Santa performance. No one noticed or commented on my tears) Know that folks in this group understand and you can share what you are feeling with us without hesitation...
[ send green star]
Dreama & Tim you are both so right... December 17, 2006 11:15 AM
We grieve in our own good timing and this time of season is a pain in the butt for us all. My biggest troubles are the whiners that cry about some petty trauma or idiotic drama in their lives. Meanwhile people grieve or continue to silently sorrow over the abscence of their loved one because we know how precious life became on the day that they passed on and they cry about such petty things. I also have my breaking moments. It is always when I spot a strikingly bouyant bunch of teen-aged girls, laughing and giggling out in public having a good time and their youthful spirits are just bubbling over. I have to stand close to them and inhale their youth for it is in those moments I can grasp what Rachel is missing. And inside I grieve down some quiet aisle in the store and walk out the door knowing that she will not ever experience those silly moments of youth anymore and I wonder if in Heaven she can do that still. I surely hope so. Because life is such a rough sea and ocean without her in it and well I just keep on going, wondering what in hell was God thinking when he took her? ---ginger
I understand your pain and hurt - but even though your neice is not able to experience things in this world. I am convinced she is enjoying them in that place beyond the veil. We cry, I think, because of our loss and emptiness, and this time of year just accentuates it. May you find comfort and peace.
My kids have always been my life, what mattered to me most. I made the comment once just a few weeks after losing Bobby (My Son) thatit might as well have been all of my kids...and the person I said this to was just taken aback (like...how dare you would want all of your children to be gone) but that was not my intent. What I meant was, my kids were all I ever had, all I ever wanted. And now it is like a broken chain...my solid ground is full of holes and mushy spots.
This is so painful and I honestly don't know how we manage to go on. In the beginning I wanted to drown in that creek myself, and now...well I guess I'm still somewhat numbed up. It is so hard to find the joy in anything, But I try and put on a good front for the kids' sake., and I do a pretty good job for the most part.
I feel so ready to die because it hurts so badly every day, but I realize that I am loved by others and hate to think of them going through the pain of "losing" me. You have heard of mercy killings? Going on is like MERCY LIVING!! I sometimes think of a day passing by, means that I am one day closer to my death date. It may sound harsh to some but living every day with this pain is harsher. I know I will see my son again, and I know we all will see the ones we've lost. It is easy to fall away from faith, I did for a while but came back stronger. If you do fall away please don't get stuck there!! It is the wrong place to be...a dead-end road to nothingness.
I still don't understand though how someone can be ripped from your life so suddenly and you are left to try and go on. It is so incredibly hard. It has changed my life from the inside out though, I am a much better person now than I ever thought I could be. I hate to say anything good could have come from losing Bobby but he would be proud of how I have changed.
My faith is deeper,
my love stronger,
my fears are less,
and now know that this life isn't what life is really about at all.
You're right - it is always difficult. It's been thirteen years since Laurel was killed, and the tears still flow. I find comfort in the philosophy of the New Orleans jazz funerals - the service and trip to the cemetery are solemn and serious, with appropriate music. They mourn the loss of that life and acknowledge how it will affect them on an ongoing basis. On the way back from the cemetery, they dance and play upbeat, happy music. Even family members join in the "second line." They are celebrating life that goes on and that they are still in it. I believe that Laurel would want me to find the happiness and joy that I can here - knowing that I miss her every day - secure in the faith that eventually we will be together for eternity. Perhaps your son would want the same for you. May you find ongoing inner peace. Sounds like you already recognize that God can use all events for good, even though we cannot see how at the time....