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Subjective time June 11, 2007 8:57 PM

Last week, I attended a "Victim Services Academy" for individuals who respond directly to victims of various crimes.  Some of the subjects were intense (homicide and domestic violence), but I was able to handle them reasonably well.  The last day, they had a panel with a victim whose son had been killed in a 2002 DUI incident and the prosecutor who had achieved the conviction.  It's been 14 years since Laurel was killed, but the circumstances, emotion, and the pain I felt from the victim's voice absolutely hit me like Laurel's death happened yesterday.  My entire body knotted up and I ended up in the lobby, doubled over in pain and sobbing.  Fourteen years and still that viceral reaction!!  Needless to say, the rest of the day was destroyed.

So, for any of you who are told that "so much time has passed" and to either "move on" or :get over it", I am here to testify that those are ridiculous commets.  Your reactions are acceptable and okay, whenever and wherever they happen.  Time is not objective - it is intensely subjective and can collapse at any time.  Take care, all, and be strong in your grief journey...

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 June 14, 2007 8:05 AM

Tim, I can not even begin to feel the pain you must have been feeling - it was like living it all over again. I commend you for doing what you are doing. This past week we have been holding the New York State Victim Assistance Academy in Buffalo - it is hard on both the instructors and the students who are all in the field of assisting - I know there is no way that I can wish your pain away. My heart goes out to you. Take care my friend.

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100%Agree June 21, 2007 8:29 AM

I was invited to this group by my friend Guiliana,@46 years of age I've experienced losing more friends and family to drunken driving accidents like your son. I agree that time doesn't really heal those wounds as you speak....it only changes the way it feels....I pray for you to be able to reach out to the God above who extends his love to you and I....remember that sometimes in these times of sorrow and injustice that you feel,that grief can sometimes turn into more pain than you alone can bare.....I 've been there so many times and I thought I'd been to the bottom....God has a mountain of compassion and now you're in the valley.....reach out to others...sometimes,those types of groups can open the wounds bigger instead of helping to heal....I'll keep you in my prayers....PSALMS 23.....



This post was modified from its original form on 21 Jun, 8:29  [ send green star]
 
Hello again,from Tina M. June 21, 2007 8:37 AM

I myself am dealing with delayed grief as I found out 2 days ago that an aunt of mine died after brain tumor surgery .  I died in my hospital room,May23,2007 following a ambulance rescuing me @home from out the roof blood pressure. @46,I'm a heart patient...today I see the cardiologist to see if I need a pacemaker or stay on meds.. grief can hit @the least expected times.....so many times I've died and God has brought me back to witness to others...this aunt that died left 2 beautiful daughters,older than me,numerous grand-children and my dad's brother who is not in the best of health either....I'm in numerous other groups ,I see this one is also super special.....as the bible says he will give us joy when we feel as if the light has gone out in our world...I'll put each of you in my prayers...I'm not always able to post in groups but I see alot of my rare and special friends here and I feel the love that each of you in this group share......



This post was modified from its original form on 21 Jun, 8:39  [ send green star]
 
 June 21, 2007 9:05 PM

Tim, thank you for sharing your experience with this group.  It is important for people to realize that healers are human and they are sent to journey with the individuals they encounter.  I have trained to absorb the pain of individuals I encounter to help them deal with their trauma.  Sometimes I let my objectivity slip and I become subjective and experience the individuals pain.  It can be excrutiatingly painful, but I've learned by experience to process it quickly so that I don't burn out.  With God's help we learn to move past that pain so that we stay focused on the individual. 

Some of us have more than our share of trauma in life, but we can learn some valuable lessons and use it help others.  This is valuable for our healing.  I've been blessed to be a part of such a loving group of individuals.  I hope in time more individuals will find this site and share the journey because the future seems so much brighter with soulmates such as yourself.

Peace & Love

Virginia

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Thank you June 22, 2007 5:27 AM

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and caring.  Today would have been Laurel's 28th birthday...an odd "balance point" in objective time, since there have now been almost exactly equal periods of her life and absence.  (She was barely 14 when she was killed.)  This group has been, and continues to be, a wonderful support system.  Again, I thank you!  [ send green star]
 
Glad that we can be of comfort to you Tim June 22, 2007 4:38 PM

As with so many other groups here @CARE2 that I'm a part of it makes the trauma and other things that I've been through more bearable @times that I can once again comfort someone who is dealing with a tragedy such as this one.....Tim you are a rare and very special man.....May God continue to shine his light of love and you!!!!

This post was modified from its original form on 22 Jun, 16:39

This post was modified from its original form on 22 Jun, 16:39  [ send green star]
 
 July 01, 2007 2:43 PM

Dear Tim,

I couldn't agree with you more!  Tony, my beloved husband, passed away three years ago, and I'm still grieving and missing him every day...

Be strong, my friend.  Hugs and blessings,

Giuliana Princess Little Rock

 [ send green star]
 
Why I chose Tim for a host... July 14, 2007 12:18 PM

So, for any of you who are told that "so much time has passed" and to either "move on" or :get over it", I am here to testify that those are ridiculous commets. Your reactions are acceptable and okay, whenever and wherever they happen. Time is not objective - it is intensely subjective and can collapse at any time. Take care, all, and be strong in your grief journey...--Tim's posting Tim, For whatever reasons, this is exactly why I chose you for one of the hosts for our group. You would speak the truth from the heart and soul always...love & blessings upon you Tim. As always---ginger  [ send green star]
 
Thank you July 15, 2007 5:03 PM

Thank you, Ginger, for your most generous comments.  They are humbling.

Lately, I have been trying to help one of my staff members and her family, who lost her 3-year old nephew in a tragic, bizarre accident.  Talking with her and hearing about the reactions of her mother and sister (the boy's mother) has emphasized to me how unique and different every grief journey is.

Take care, all, and love as much as you can while you are here...Tim

 [ send green star]
 
 July 16, 2007 3:36 PM

I am greatful for the love and support of everyone in this group.  During the past four months I have lost six friends and relatives in my community.

I've been volleying from one emotion to another because I am in a different stage of grieving for each person I have lost.  It is like a rollercoaster ride run amok.  Until I started typing this message I never had a clear picture of why I could be happy , then sad, and occassionaly angry with in small time frame.

Now I know that the stages of grief are overlapping.  This is the first time I have experienced this amount of loss in such a short period of time.  I am blessed with such loving and supportive friends who have made this pain bearable.

Post traumatic stress has flared up recently which has caused bouts of depression.  This is the first time it has hit me in several years.  My spiritual practice and yoga have provided me with tremendous relief.  When I reach out to God and friends the depression quickly subsides.

Peace & Love

Virginia

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UNSURE ABOUT DREAM PASS ON MOM July 28, 2007 8:48 AM

TODAY WOKE UP HAD A DREAM OF MY MOM.MY MOM PASSED AND IN THIS DREAM GOT SOMETHING FROM MAIL/PARCEL. THIS PARCEL WAS FROM MY MOM THOUGH PREPREAD ALREADY BEF0RE PASSING.I GUESS SHE KNEW I'M MISSING HER VERY MUCH NOW.WELL IN THIS PARCEL WAS A PINK SOFT BOX,JEWLEREY IN IT,RINGS,PENDANTS,SO ON.I COULDN'TUNDERSTAND WHY NOW KNEW THAT IT WAS GONE ALREADY TO SIBLINGS. SORTA MIXED UP IN DREAM/HEART KNEW THAT WASN'T REAL. AFTER SEEING THIS THERE WAS PAPER WRITTEN NOTE.LIKE THIS IS FOR YOU/CAUSE I'M GONE.I REMEMBER DEAD IN NOTE..I WAS CRYING AND STILL WONDERING WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT OR WHAT MESSAGE WAS SENT TO ME BY MY MOM. I'M FEELING A BIT SAD/UNEASY THOUGH MY HEART WAS HAPPY TO DREAM OF MY MOM AGAIN.IF YOU HAVE IDEAL OR THOUGHTS BLOG IT..I'M HAPPY.
THANK YOU.

 [ send green star]
 
Vera, you are so blessed to have had this wonderful dream... July 28, 2007 10:11 AM

Vera, you are so blessed to have had this wonderful dream...Your mom is letting you know she is content with whomever received the jewelry box contents and that is her way of letting you know she is well. These are comfort dreams and they are the best. Vera, also she is letting you know that the gifts and treasures in Heaven or the great beyond, the blessings are far greater then we can ONLY IMAGINE. Your mom is in a good place and so are you Vera, hopefully with some peace and love and above all comfort that your mom is well. Accept the dream and fly with it, my friend.  It is yours to treasure always now. love and blessings---ginger  [ send green star]
 
hello July 28, 2007 1:49 PM

You think so that what I dreamt was so real. I didn't see my mom at all only the package by mail in my dream.Could it be a vision or something.. I know my mom is around me just sometimes it's easier than other days.Don't mean to drag about this just a way of talking and healing for me.I do like your help and talk thank you very much.

Blessing everyone.

 [ send green star]
 
 July 28, 2007 1:58 PM

Dear Vera,

I agree 100% with Ginger's interpretation of your dream/vision.  No doubt your Mom is watching over you...  She wants you to know that you're handling the situation in the best posible way...  How comforting!

Hugs,

Giuliana Princess Little Rock

 [ send green star]
 
HII July 28, 2007 8:33 PM

REALLY HOPE SO YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT.MORE OR LESS MYSELF AND FEW OTHER SIBLINGS FEEL MY MOM MORE.MY MOM WAS WORRY WART.THOUGH ALWAYS GAVE FROM BOTTOM OF HEART.MY MOM ALWAYS WORRIED MORE FOR ME JUST TO MAKE SURE I'M OK.OH WELL NOW IT'S MY SPECIAL DREAM I'M HAPPY TO HAVE THIS GIFT.GOODNITE..THANK YOU..

 [ send green star]
 
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