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FUNERAL HOME JOKES March 14, 2005 4:27 PM

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'."

Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

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 March 14, 2005 4:28 PM

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."  [ send green star]
 
 March 14, 2005 4:29 PM

A woman's husband died. He had only $20,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she told her closest friend that there was no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me he still had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost $6,000. And of course, I made the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $2,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$12,000 for the memorial stone? My Goodness, how big is it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."
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see you there November 02, 2005 3:11 PM

A man arrives to a wonderful hotel in Hawaii. His wife had an urgent meeting to attend but promissed do arrive the next day. In the room, the man finds the hotel offers free internet connection for the guests and writes a mail to his wife. Unfortunatelly, he committs a one letter mistake and the e-mail arrives to a woman whose husband had died recently. This poor woman is found terrified by his son, that reads on his mother's monitor:

"Hello dear, I've just arrived. You know, this place is wonderful and now they have internet to write mails to your beloved ones. I'm anxiously expecting your arrival tomorrow. Don't bring any heavy clothes because this place is infernal hot. Love, your husband".

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Workholic November 16, 2005 11:08 AM

A workholic man spends evrey second of the day trying to make more money than Bill Gates.

He makes his wife promise to bury him with all his money when the time comes.

One given Monday, before his "Week beginning meeting" he dies from a stroke produced by his high levels of cholesterol, stress, and hipertension.

During the funeral, the widow approaches and puts a small box next to the coffin. Her mother asks if she had been so silly to bury all the money and she replies:

"Im christian, and therefore I had to keep my promise. i took all his money and put it in my account. Then I wrote a check for the exact quantity, which is inside the box. If he can cash the check in the after word, the money is his to spend".

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