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 June 15, 2006 8:52 AM

you might be a redneck if your family reunion is held at the county jail  [ send green star]
 June 15, 2006 8:50 AM

you think the saying foot in the mouth means biting your toenails  [ send green star]
 August 09, 2005 9:28 AM

 [ send green star]
 August 08, 2005 7:18 PM


You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

. . . you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45’s.

. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.

. . . you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.

. . . that billboard that says, “Say No To Crack” reminds you to pull up your jeans.

. . . you go to your family reunions looking for a date.

. . . you think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.

. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

. . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.

. . . you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.

. . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

. . . you’ve got more than one other named “Darryl”.

. . . you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin’ contest.

. . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

. . . you’ve ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.

. . . your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.

. . . your child’s first words were, “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.

. . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

. . . your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin’.

. . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

. . . you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year’s Eve party.

. . . you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.

. . . you’ve ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.

. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.

. . . you’ve ever valet parked a snow plow.

. . . you’ve ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.

. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.

. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.

. . . you’ve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies.

. . . there are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.

. . . you have a Bud Light pool-table light hanging over your dining room table.

. . . the strongest smell in your house is butane.

. . . you think paprika is a Third World country.

. . . you ask the preacher, “How’s it hanging?”

. . . you go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.

. . . you have a bumper sticker that says, “My mother’s an honor student” at the local junior high.

. . . you think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.

. . . you played the banjo in your high school band.

. . . the velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.

. . . you have no hubcaps on your car because you’re using them to feed your hunting dogs.

. . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.

. . . your mother doesn’t put shoes on to go grocery shopping.

. . . you’ve ever been blacklisted by a bowling alley.

. . . you honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

. . . anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxi. . you don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

. . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.

. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.

. . . you owe a taxidermist more than your monthly income.

. . . you’ve ever caught bugs just so you could throw them in the bug zapper.

. . . you have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.

. . . you’ve ever hollered, “Rock the house, Bubba!” during a piano recital.

. . . your kids’ favorite bedtime story is “Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.”

. . . your watchband is wider than any book you’ve ever read.

. . . you know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.

. . . you’ve ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.

. . . your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.

. . . you’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

. . . you time your belches to achieve a personal best.

. . . your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.

. . . the fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.

. . . your favorite restaurant has the word “eats” anywhere in the name.

. . . there’s graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.

. . . you have grease under your toenails.

. . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.

. . . the most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is “What the hell are you lookin’ at Diphead?”

. . . your best coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn’t. ....... . your mother has more chest hair than your father.. . . you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior...

 [ send green star]
 August 05, 2005 10:33 AM

great thread idea Francine, Thanks  [ send green star]
 August 05, 2005 10:33 AM

If your family tree has no branches

 [ send green star]

anonymous You might be a redneck... August 03, 2005 7:21 PM

if you name your daughter Valvoline!!!!
if you think the internet is some sort of fishing equipment!!!!
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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK....... August 02, 2005 8:01 PM

You might be a redneck if:

  • The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
  • Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
  • Someone in your family died immediately after saying, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
  • Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.
  • You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  • You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  • Your wife's hairdo was ruined by a ceiling fan.
  • You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "gentlemen , start your engines."
  • The bluebook value of your pickup goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
  • You've been married three times and still have the same inlaws.
  • Your school fight song is Dueling Banjos.
  • You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
 [ send green star]
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