"Born down in a dead man's town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that's been beat too much
Till you spend half your life just covering up"
There's a lot of insight in that verse about human nature. Multitudes of people live their lives "covering up" for fear of being kicked again - in one way or another.
Many of you have had the experience of reaching your hand toward a puppy - to pet it - only to have the puppy flinch, or shy away - looking with wide eyes at your outstretched hand as if it were expecting to be hit in the face.
Dog's do that. You can almost always tell when a dog has been hit in the face. They are suspicious of any gesture toward them. And as much as they crave affection, they wince at the hand that is outstretched to give it.
Previous pain and hurt have that effect. They send red flags up - even when there is no cause for concern in the present circumstances. Your intentions may be to lovingly pet the dog's head. Problem is, the dog doesn't know that. And the problem is compounded if the same person who pets the dog's face smacks the dog's face. Then they never know what to expect.
On the other hand many of you have had the joy of caressing a baby's face and seeing it turn toward you. If you don't have kids there is this stage with many of them - right after they are born - where they aren't really focusing on you yet. They look at you - but it's not a look of recognition. It's more of a gaze. Then one day, you look down while you're changing them or feeding them and you see these bright little eyes focused on you. Your reaction may be what mine was with my daughter. The day she finally "saw" me, my heart swelled with love and all I could say was, "Well hello there sweetheart."
Until a kid reaches that "able to focus on you" stage it's incredible to see how caressing their soft little faces causes them to turn toward you. Caress a baby's face and they respond by turning in the direction of the loving touch.
I work with kids a lot. I absolutely love kids. You can tell when a kid has been hit and you can tell when a kid has been shown kindness. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. The kids that have been hit "flinch." It doesn't mean they don't fully respond to love - though many of them have a tough time doing it. "Flinching" means that they have stuff behind their eyes. Hurts and heartaches that make the kindness they are shown bittersweet by comparison to the hurt they have felt so deeply.
I've often had the kids I talk to line up for "noogies." (A "noogie" by the way is a technical term for gently rubbing the top of a kid's head with your knuckles). I have kids I know that run to hug me on sight. And in their eyes you can often see whether the kindness they want to show and receive is bittersweet (due to past or present pain) or simply a pure unmixed joy.
When the Easter break began this past year, a kid I've talked to many times was with his mother, in line behind me at a store. I introduced myself to the mom after returning the kid's high five and hand shake. The first thing his mother said to me - in front of him - was how hard it was going to be on her to have him hanging around the house for those 12 days instead of him being away at school.
My heart felt sick but I understood more clearly why this was a kid who's eyes always seemed to "flinch" at kindness and who regularly was in trouble.
Some of us describe ourselves as "brutally honest." I'd like to see that changed. I have to confess - that phrase sounds nearly like an oxymoron to me. What good is the truth to anyone if it is delivered brutally? Is there a reason the most painfully honest truths cannot be offered with loving, caring, compassionate, words - designed to win the heart rather than to alienate it? There is one who speaks like the thrusts of a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
I believe we should save our strong words for governments and leaders who show gross disregard for human life while practicing deceit and usurping human rights. I believe life threatening issues like AIDS, poverty, child abuse, violence against women, the environment, global warming, endangered species, and the like deserve to be addressed in the strongest terms possible while the governments that ignore such issues, or pay lip service to them, should be spoken to in the most direct fashion.
But even then, our desire should be to win the hearts of those who hear us whenever possible - not to alienate them. Better to turn the face toward us than to cause it to flinch when it sees us coming.
I want us to deeply consider what impact and effect we have upon others. We must never compromise the truth. But we should also endeavor to speak it from a motivation of love.
We can't ever change the pain and heartaches we've been allowed to suffer in this life. But we can dramatically change the course of people's lives by seeking to never inflict those same kinds of pains and heartaches upon them.
When all is said and done we are either people who cause others to "flinch" or turn toward us. And if our words must be strong and deliberate - resulting in our hearers wincing a bit - let them at least be certain our desire was to turn their face in kindness not to slap it in anger.
It's either Love or fear isn't it?
~Blessings~
Love or fear... I agree with that Joanne 
I've seen the faces of children... adults and animals that have had that kind of pain inflicted. It's very sad. We don't realize how we speak impacts the life of others... a harsh word.. and sometimes it's not even so much as the words being harsh as it is... we don't take the time to speak to a person ...we're in a rush so the words seem harsh when they weren't really meant to be. The physical pain ... the fear of a child or animal dodging you when you go to touch them... just makes me want to scream out... why or how could someone do this? But the mental and emotional pain can go just as deep if not deeper.
"We can't ever change the pain and heartaches we've been allowed to suffer in this life. But we can dramatically change the course of people's lives by seeking to never inflict those same kinds of pains and heartaches upon them."..... I pray I can practice remembering this statement every day before I speak!
Thanks Dennis for the inspiration... the motivation to think about what we say and do... and the encouragement... and the love to understand.
Thank you for your incredibly thoughtful words and kind encouragement.
This one is dear to my heart - especially because of the kids and for all the adults who still carry scars and sometimes festering wounds from being kids who were deeply hurt.
Blessings to you all and thanks again.
Hi Dennis,
I'm new to your group and to tell you the truth I haven't jooined any other groups lately but yours seems an outstanding group in many ways. I love this post and feel so able to relate to it. I'm in Berkeley CA getting ready to start up a non-profit for at-risk kids and start by painting street murals etc.. the name is passport project and my mission statement is this. I have a community of artist's and other people ready to go
Passport Project's mission is to provide exciting educational experiences that build community through the arts, encourage respect for diversity and rejection of racism and negative bias, and inspire a passion for learning and the global community.
Peace and Love, Rose
Thank you for your very kind encouragement. I'm grateful.
Rose,
Welcome to the group. Thank you so much for your kind words. I trust you will feel at home here and receive blessing. I agree with Cynthia, what a beautiful and loving work you're starting up. You, your work, and the kids will definitely be in the thoughts and prayers of us here.
Rose that is awesome! Many blessings to you and the project! You'll be in my prayers and a candle will always burn bright for your mission!
