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anonymous survivors July 03, 2005 3:06 PM

hello everyone its nearly midnight in germany and i can't sleep (i should because i have to get up at three in the morning but that can't be helped at the moment) The topic of domestic violence is a hard but important one to fight against. One important point is sexual abuse. As not many people thought about sexual abuse when i was young there are many survivors of abuse and many loved ones of them. I think this site is a good one to get a first glance about the problem and some help http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/Brochures/friends.htm  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous dancing in the dark July 03, 2005 3:20 PM

this one is a closer one. The webmistress is a survivor of rape and provides a wide range of information on the consequenses of abuse and rape. There are also the stories of survivors. Its a good thing to share our stories if possible but its also difficult because it may cause flash backs and other problems. So these parts should only be read if a survivor feels strong enough to do so. http://www.dancinginthedarkness.com/  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous survivors of incest anonymous July 03, 2005 3:26 PM

This is a self-help group which has the same pattern as alcoholics anonymous http://www.siawso.org/index.html  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous beeavers site July 03, 2005 3:31 PM

this is my site i developed last year. It also provides some links where you can find help and information http://de.geocities.com/beeaver2000/Survivors.html  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous i got this message today..... July 04, 2005 4:21 AM

..... and it contains a lot of important information how to deal if you suspect abuse in any form: Most people are inclined to believe that the home is the safest place to be; a place one can go to escape violence, discrimination, hate and all the injustices of the world, as well to protect our children from such injustices. But to millions of innocent children, it is sometimes a place of terror, fear, guilt, hurt and neglect. Child abuse and neglect are crimes that are difficult to rationalize, the capability and extent of damage that one human can inflict upon another, and more specifically, that a person can inflict upon their child. The types of abuse are physical abuse, physical neglect, emotional neglect, educational neglect, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, as well as mental injury, or emotional abuse. The maltreatment of children is often seen as punishment by the parent(s) as they are unable to decipher the difference between disciplinary measures and child abuse. Abuse may cause serious injury to the child and may even result in death. Child abuse is harm to, or neglect of, a child by another person, whether adult or child. Child abuse happens in all cultural, ethnic, and income groups. Signs of possible abuse include: PHYSICAL ABUSE - Unexplained or repeated injuries such as welts, bruises, or burns. - Injuries that are in the shape of an object (belt buckle, electric cord, etc.) - Injuries not likely to happen given the age or ability of the child. For example, broken bones in a child too young to walk or climb. - Disagreement between the child's and the parent's explanation of the injury. - Unreasonable explanation of the injury. - Obvious neglect of the child (dirty, undernourished, inappropriate clothes for the weather, lack of medical or dental care). - Fearful behavior. EMOTIONAL VERBAL ABUSE - Aggressive or withdrawn behavior. - Shying away from physical contact with parents or adults. - Afraid to go home. SEXUAL ABUSE - Child tells you he/she was sexually mistreated. - Child has physical signs such as: = difficulty in walking or sitting. = stained or bloody underwear. = genital or rectal pain, itching, swelling, redness, or discharge = bruises or other injuries in the genital or rectal area. Child has behavioral and emotional signs such as: = difficulty eating or sleeping. = soiling or wetting pants or bed after being potty trained. = acting like a much younger child. = excessive crying or sadness. = withdrawing from activities and others. = talking about or acting out sexual acts beyond normal sex play for age. Abuse can happen in any family, regardless of any special characteristics. However, in dealing with parents, be aware of characteristics of families in which abuse may be more likely: - Families who are isolated and have no friends, relatives, church or other support systems. - Parents who tell you they were abused as children. - Families who are often in crisis (have money problems, move often). - Parents who abuse drugs or alcohol. - Parents who are very critical of their child. - Parents who are very rigid in disciplining their child. - Parents who show too much or too little concern for their child. - Parents who feel they have a difficult child. - Parents who are under a lot of stress. IF YOU SUSPECT CHILD ABUSE OF ANY KIND, YOU SHOULD: Take the child to a quiet, private area. Gently encourage the child to give you enough information to evaluate whether abuse may have occurred. Remain calm so as not to upset the child. If the child reveals the abuse, reassure him/her that you believe him/her, that he/she is right to tell you, and that he/she is not bad. Tell the child you are going to talk to persons who can help him/her. Return the child to the group (if appropriate). Record all information. Immediately report the suspected abuse to the proper local authorities. In most states, reporting suspected abuse is required by law. If you employ other providers or accept volunteers to help you care for the children in your facility, you should check their background for a past history of child abuse or other criminal activity. Contact your local police department. Many states require that child care providers have background and criminal history checks. Dealing with child abuse is emotionally difficult for a provider. As a child care provider, you should get training in recognizing and reporting child abuse before you are confronted with a suspected case. If you suspect a case of child abuse, you may need to seek support from your local health department, child support services department, or other sources within your area. http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/childabuse/a/reporting_abuse.htm http://pediatrics.about.com/od/weeklyquestion/a/05_child_abuse.htm CHILD ABUSE IS A CRIME PERPETRATED ON THE INNOCENT AND THE DEFENSELESS. So don't close your eyes anymore and do something about it. http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/HelpTheChildrenBeHeard http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/childwelfare http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/SDCA http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/abuse http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/dysfunction http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/ambrosia  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
 July 04, 2005 10:54 AM

Thank You Bee All the sites and information is really great, I know it is going to help alot of people . Shannon  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 July 04, 2005 11:46 AM

Bee I'm jealous of all the great info I have to do some research to keep up! I feel so great everyone in the group is so wonderful and proactive! I just want to say thank you to everyone for joining. In the next few days I will be in an out and I will get more domestic violence info and put up the wheel or circle or I forgot what they call it lol.  [ send green star]
 
 July 04, 2005 11:48 AM

I've known quite a few people who have been abused by their parents or even by thier siblings. When I was younger I was also abused but not by a family member but by my babysitter, who lived at my house for three years.  [ send green star]
 
 July 04, 2005 11:51 AM

My only concern is people, who use this for the wrong reasons. I bet a lot of you will ask how can anyone use it wrong. Well there are a lot of people who are willing to hurt themselves or others to hurt their target and inflict the most pain possible. Also sometimes people look to hard to find abuse. In one case two boys killed their father because they believe they were being mentally abused by thier father. What they meant by mental abuse was whenever they did something bad he gave them this glare.  [ send green star]
 
 July 04, 2005 12:03 PM

There are always going to be a person who "calls wolf" in any situation. But we have to trust in our hearts and in what we know as survivors that most people that put themselves out here are honest and truly hurting or truly wanting to help and advocate for those suffering! I think if there is ever a case that you feel the need to question, you must handle it appropriately, never in a public forum. Peace ~Barb~  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 July 04, 2005 7:50 PM

Yes unfourntinally there is always someone who will lie and make it hard for others to get the understanding they need so much . I just seen a girl who killed both of her parents because they wouldn't let her keep seeing a older boy and he was also a drug addict she was 16 and shot them both in the head. She was just given life in prison and that was the only time she showed any emontion when she knew there was no way out. She has now made it hard for others who are battered and need help . Shannon  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous positive Affirmations July 19, 2005 12:41 AM

http://www.coping.org/growth/affirm.htm


 [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
 July 20, 2005 5:08 PM

Bee You are a true Gem a diamond thank you for all the wonderful knowledge you are sending our way and helping us so much.

Shannon

 [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous :-) July 21, 2005 3:32 AM

you are welcome - its no sense in holding back what might help - thats all

yours
 [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous the positive affirmations.... July 21, 2005 3:34 AM

.... help me a lot but it needs a bit of time untill they work and untill you find out what negative things you say to yourself every day. But if you find the right positive affirmations it gets better every day

yours
 [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous Hi Bee July 21, 2005 3:59 AM

Hi Bee, I see you are provinding help and comfort on more than one site. You are truly a lovely person. Nice to see you here. I just joined a few days ago. Claire  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous Hello Claire... July 21, 2005 4:18 AM

... nice to see you too .

uhm isn't meant as advice i just want to give information about an important problem. There are too many survivors of sexual abuse both male and female and they often don't have any help because its still a tabu theme.

Hope you are ok and that weather isn't as bad as in Germany

yours


 [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous i found this new one July 30, 2005 7:42 AM

its about abuse of all kind. you find poetry but also facts and other topics that might help

http://au.geocities.com/tigrispoet/abusepoems.htm
 [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
 July 30, 2005 12:36 PM

On the subject of surviving sexual assault... There is a wonderful support group on care2: http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/survivorsofsexualassault

It is a closed group which is monitored carefully to protect it's group members. It is a wonderful group of people who have all sufferred and survived, and support one another!

Hope & Healing

~Barb~

 [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous thank you barb July 30, 2005 1:57 PM

thats good information - its really helpfull to be in contact with people who are involved

yours
 [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
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