Don't Step on the Ducks
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The thrid guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Group Discussions
label:
Blue Label
2 weeks ago
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Blue Label
A Jewish mother gave her son two neckties on Chanukah.
When she came over to visit, the boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his mother had brought him, and hurried back. “Look, Mama! Isn’t it gorgeous?”
“Mama asked, ‘What’s the matter? You don’t like the other one?’”
4 months ago
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Blue Label
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
'I am not available right now, but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes.'
'I am not available right now, but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes.'
9 months ago
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Blue Label
9 months ago
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Blue Label
‘Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.’ — Milton Berle
10 months ago
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Blue Label
Priceless Words.......
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. ~~~
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?" ~ His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious~~~ Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!" ~~~
10 months ago
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Blue Label
11 months ago
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Blue Label
Men and dogs
How Dogs and a Men The same:
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
How Dogs Are Better Than Men:
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Top Ten Reasons Why A Dog Is Better Than A Woman:
10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog [The author doesn't know *my* dog.]
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.
Love, Light and Laughter
HUGS~Brenda 
11 months ago
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Blue Label
Here's one for the guys...
Meet Marvin, Men's Answer to Maxine
Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-----------------------------------------------------Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
-----------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-----------------------------------------------------If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- --------------------------------------------------Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-----------------------------------------------------Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
---------------------------------------------
Meet Marvin, Men's Answer to Maxine
Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-----------------------------------------------------Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
-----------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-----------------------------------------------------If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- --------------------------------------------------Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-----------------------------------------------------Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
---------------------------------------------
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Three Ladies In A Sauna
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that...I'm getting a fax!"
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
At the soda machine
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Quack Quack Quack
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Breads for Crummy Sins
On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water.
Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.
For ordinary sins.....................White Bread
For complex sins......................Multigrain
For twisted sins......................Pretzels
For sins of indecision................Waffles
For sins of chutzpah..................Fresh Bread
For committing auto theft.............Caraway
For timidity/cowardice................Milk Toast
For ill-temperedness..................Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity...........Nut Bread
For war-mongering.....................Kaiser Rolls
For jingoism, chauvinism..............Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony...................Rye Bread
For erotic sins.......................French Bread
For particularly dark sins............Pumpernickel
For dressing immodestly...............Tarts
For causing injury to others..........Tortes
For being holier than thou............Bagels
For abrasiveness......................Grits
For dropping in without notice........Popovers
For overeating........................Stuffing
For pride and egotism.................Puff Pastry
For trashing the environment..........Dumplings
For telling bad jokes/puns............Corn Bread
On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water.
Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.
For ordinary sins.....................White Bread
For complex sins......................Multigrain
For twisted sins......................Pretzels
For sins of indecision................Waffles
For sins of chutzpah..................Fresh Bread
For committing auto theft.............Caraway
For timidity/cowardice................Milk Toast
For ill-temperedness..................Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity...........Nut Bread
For war-mongering.....................Kaiser Rolls
For jingoism, chauvinism..............Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony...................Rye Bread
For erotic sins.......................French Bread
For particularly dark sins............Pumpernickel
For dressing immodestly...............Tarts
For causing injury to others..........Tortes
For being holier than thou............Bagels
For abrasiveness......................Grits
For dropping in without notice........Popovers
For overeating........................Stuffing
For pride and egotism.................Puff Pastry
For trashing the environment..........Dumplings
For telling bad jokes/puns............Corn Bread
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
LOL~~~
Love~Laughter and HUGS~Brenda
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Funny aside...a guy got a picture of his car running a light and ticket in the mail, so he mailed the cops a picture of the money for the fine. So the cops mailed him another picture...of a pair of handcuffs!
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Medicare Joke.....Awww Go Ahead and Read It, You're Almost Eligible, If Not!
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello'.
'Mrs. Ward, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the Lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's.'
'That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?'
questioned Mrs. Ward.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello'.
'Mrs. Ward, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the Lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's.'
'That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?'
questioned Mrs. Ward.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
1 year ago
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Blue Label
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses,
the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
1 year ago
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Blue Label
A couple are getting ready for bed after a long day’s work.
“I look in the mirror and I see an old lady,” the woman says to her husband. “My face is all wrinkled, and I’m sagging and bagging all over. And look at this flab on my arms.”
Her husband is silent.
“Hey!” she says, turning to him. “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”
“
Well,” he says, “your eyesight is still great.”
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Laughter is a potent tool for wellness. Consider some of the benefits of laughter: - Diminishes anxiety
- Strengthens the immune system
- Increase tolerance to pain
- Provides a mini-aerobic workout
- Works facial and abdominal muscles
- Raises oxygen levels
- Helps with certain respiratory illnesses by adding ventilation and clearing mucus
- Reduces the incidence of arterial blockage, angioplasties, and heart attacks
--American Association For Therapeutic Humor.
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Laughter is good for you – for your physical health, your emotional well-being, the efficient functioning of your mind and the full and joyous expression of your spirit.
These include:
¶ Helps relieve life's stresses, pains, anxieties, and depression.
¶ Strengthens the immune, digestive, eliminative, and respiratory systems.
¶ Helps improve self-image, confidence, compassion, and creativity.
¶ improvement with: Manic Depression, Low Energy/Fibromyalgia, Allergies, Shyness, and Chronic Pain.
The Good News is that EVERYONE can laugh! You don't need to be happy, You don’t need to feel good first; you don't even need a sense of humor. Any time is a good time to have a laugh.
These include:
¶ Helps relieve life's stresses, pains, anxieties, and depression.
¶ Strengthens the immune, digestive, eliminative, and respiratory systems.
¶ Helps improve self-image, confidence, compassion, and creativity.
¶ improvement with: Manic Depression, Low Energy/Fibromyalgia, Allergies, Shyness, and Chronic Pain.
The Good News is that EVERYONE can laugh! You don't need to be happy, You don’t need to feel good first; you don't even need a sense of humor. Any time is a good time to have a laugh.
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Have You seen the new $5.00 Bill?
HUGS~Brenda
HUGS~Brenda
1 year ago
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Blue Label
One day my housework-challenge d husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."
And they say blondes are dumb...
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
~~~~~How to impress a Woman~~
Wine her, dine her, call her, surprise her, smile at her, lisen to her, laugh with her, cry with her, believe in her, cuddle with her, buy her flowers, hold her hand, write love letters to her.
~~~~~How to impress a Man~~
Arrive Naked~Bring Food!
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Subject: estate planning
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted a very beautiful woman and decided he wanted her as his wife. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three weeks later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Three doctors died, went to heaven, and met St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter asked the first doctor why he thought he deserved to enter.
"I was a doctor with the Christian Medical and Dental Society," the doctor replied. "Every year I went to small villages in Appalachia and the far Southwest for three weeks and treated the poor, free of charge."
"Welcome," said St. Peter. Turning to the second doctor he asked, "And what did you do?"
"I was a missionary in Africa for eleven years, and worked in a hospital helping the tribes there," she replied. St. Peter smiled and indicated to her to enter.
And to the remaining doctor he asked, "And what did you do to deserve admission to Heaven?"
"I was a doctor at an HMO."
"Come on in," St. Peter said, "but you can only stay for three days."
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Sixty-three and Pregnant!
A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room. "What the h * ll's wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!! The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?
1 year ago
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Blue Label
1 year ago
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Blue Label
Girlie Wisdom
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
One of life's great unsolved mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you’re doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my joggers.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, 'You know, sometimes I forget to eat!' Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are - eating too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
2 years ago
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Blue Label
2 years ago
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Blue Label
2 years ago
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Blue Label
2 years ago
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Blue Label
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish
you were married, or wish you weren't married, this
is something to smile about the next time you see a
bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:
"Good trade....."
2 years ago
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Blue Label
2 years ago
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Blue Label
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST PSYCHIATRIC JOKE
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."
2 years ago
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Blue Label
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.
This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, or boss or anyone else via any means--DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two friends to the nearest liquor store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
2 years ago
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Blue Label
" Cool, what a bliss...,do you think, they see us ?!"
"Hard to say..., but we could turn into chameleons; they´re better off, I heard..."
2 years ago
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Blue Label
The Half-Wit
A man owned a small farm in Georgia. The Georgia State Wage & Hour
Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent
an agent out to interview him.
Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent
an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded
the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has
been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and
board.
the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has
been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and
board.
Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and
does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per
week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon
every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per
week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon
every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," said the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.
Anonymous
2 years ago
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Blue Label
the winter blonde joke was hilarious! i'm still laughing!!!
A Winter Blonde Joke
2 years ago
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Blue Label
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches
> up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck,
> and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the
> window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you
> are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores
> her and proceeds down the street.
>
> When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
> catches up again.
>
> She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the
> door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if
> they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi
> my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
> load!"
>
> Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
> continues down the street.
>
> At the third red light, the same thing happens
> again.
>
> All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car,
> runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls
> down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is
> Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
>
> When the light turns green the trucker revs up and
> races to the next light.
>
> When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of
> the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
>
> He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he
> says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in
> Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
> up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck,
> and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the
> window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you
> are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores
> her and proceeds down the street.
>
> When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
> catches up again.
>
> She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the
> door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if
> they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi
> my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
> load!"
>
> Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
> continues down the street.
>
> At the third red light, the same thing happens
> again.
>
> All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car,
> runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls
> down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is
> Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
>
> When the light turns green the trucker revs up and
> races to the next light.
>
> When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of
> the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
>
> He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he
> says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in
> Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
2 years ago
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Blue Label
2 years ago
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Blue Label
The Haircut
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
2 years ago
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2 years ago
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2 years ago
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Cats Talking~~Have a purrr-fect day! Hugs and Purrs~Brenda
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974&NR=1
2 years ago
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Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals and holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The president shouted, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the president.
The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man look like Moses to you?"
The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.
"Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!" Again the president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.
The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I am Moses. The last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The president shouted, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the president.
The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man look like Moses to you?"
The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.
"Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!" Again the president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.
The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I am Moses. The last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."
2 years ago
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Blue Label
Subject: DENTIST VISIT
After a brief examination he dentist exclaimed, "Holy Smoke!!! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded. What on earth have you been eating????? "
The man replied, "Well the only thing that I can think of is this...My wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it. Hollandaise Sauce, she called it."
".And, Doctor, I'm talking delicious..."'I've never tasted anything like it." "And ever since I've been putting it on everything.......meat, fish, toast, vegetable, you name it."
The dentist responded, "That's probably it. Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. I'll have to install a new plate, but this time I'll make it out of chrome."
"Why chrome?" the man asked.
The dentist replied, "Well, everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."
A man goes into his dentist's office as something is wrong with his mouth.
After a brief examination he dentist exclaimed, "Holy Smoke!!! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded. What on earth have you been eating????? "
The man replied, "Well the only thing that I can think of is this...My wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it. Hollandaise Sauce, she called it."
".And, Doctor, I'm talking delicious..."'I've never tasted anything like it." "And ever since I've been putting it on everything.......meat, fish, toast, vegetable, you name it."
The dentist responded, "That's probably it. Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. I'll have to install a new plate, but this time I'll make it out of chrome."
"Why chrome?" the man asked.
The dentist replied, "Well, everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."
2 years ago
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How Blonde Is She???
She was Soooooooo Blonde:
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says
"Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde:
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde:
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde:
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She was sooooooooooooooooo Blonde:
She thought Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company!
2 years ago
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2 years ago
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Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best
Dressed mother- of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new
Young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm
Wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart.
I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days
later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they
stopped fo! r lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return
the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could
wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear.
I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY
THIS STORY? SEND IT TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW!!!
excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best
Dressed mother- of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new
Young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm
Wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart.
I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days
later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they
stopped fo! r lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return
the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could
wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear.
I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY
THIS STORY? SEND IT TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW!!!
2 years ago
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2 years ago
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2 years ago
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2 years ago
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2 years ago
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2 years ago
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2 years ago
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Leaving?"
Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a
bride, and I gave my consent."
Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be
so hard leaving mother."
"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones.
"You just take her with you."
Kids just need an incentive
2 years ago
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Ted, age 10, was doing very poorly in math.
His parents had tried everything - tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers - in short, everything they could think of to help him grasp the principles of mathematics.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Ted down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, Ted came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and Ted was hard at work.
His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. His parents were shocked when, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for day after day, while Ted’s parents tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, Ted brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.
With great trepidation, his mother looked at it and to her great surprise Ted had received an "A" in math.
She could no longer hold in her curiosity – she had to know how he managed to get that “A”.
She went to his room and said, "Ted, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
Ted solemnly looked at her and shook his head no.
"Well, then," the mother replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT, TED?"
Ted looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
2 years ago
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Subject: TOP TEN THOUGHTS FOR 2007
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a les son from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
Number 2
In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
And the BONUS thought for today
"Life is like a jar of jalapeńos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow".
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a les son from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
Number 2
In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
And the BONUS thought for today
"Life is like a jar of jalapeńos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow".
-- Shared by Guy Guerrero
2 years ago
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2 years ago
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Lafftime
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds Like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s true…
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering all his strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying…and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened and two large countrymen walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Whist, Seamus! There's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
An Irish pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is: Being concern
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds Like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s true…
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering all his strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying…and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened and two large countrymen walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Whist, Seamus! There's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
An Irish pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is: Being concern
2 years ago
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Blue Label
Lafftime
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds Like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s true…
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering all his strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying…and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened and two large countrymen walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Whist, Seamus! There's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
An Irish pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is: Being concern
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds Like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s true…
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering all his strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying…and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened and two large countrymen walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Whist, Seamus! There's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
An Irish pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is: Being concern
2 years ago
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Blue Label
2 years ago
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Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drove his new Ford Excursion into an Irish gas station. An attendant greeted him
in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro was. "Top of the
mornin' to ya!" the Irish man smiled, doffing his cap.
As Tiger got out of the mammoth vehicle, two tees fell out of his
pocket. "So what are those, lad?" asked the attendant.
"They're called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," said Tiger.
"AW! Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph," exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those
fellas at FORD think of everything!"
2 years ago
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2 years ago
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A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole all lived together in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole stuck his head out of the mole hole, sniffed the air and said,
'Yum! I smell maple syrup!'
The mama mole stuck her head out of the hole too. Sniffing the air, she cried.
'Oh yum! I smell honey!'
Now baby mole tried and tried to stick his head out of the mole hole to sniff the air, but couldn’t because the papa and mama mole were in the way.
Frustrated, he whined, 'Geeze, all I can smell is MOLASSES!’
One day the papa mole stuck his head out of the mole hole, sniffed the air and said,
'Yum! I smell maple syrup!'
The mama mole stuck her head out of the hole too. Sniffing the air, she cried.
'Oh yum! I smell honey!'
Now baby mole tried and tried to stick his head out of the mole hole to sniff the air, but couldn’t because the papa and mama mole were in the way.
Frustrated, he whined, 'Geeze, all I can smell is MOLASSES!’
2 years ago
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The man thinks and finally says that he has always wanted to see Hawaii, but since he is afraid to fly...could the Genie build a bridge to Hawaii so he can drive there?
The Genie tells the man because of the instability of the Pacific ocean floor, the sheer amount of concrete and the labor needed this would be impossible. He will have to think of something else.
The man thinks and then says that he has been divorced 4 times and that he really wishes he could understand women...what they are thinking when they are silent...what they need when they cry...what they want when they say, "Nothing". The man asks the Genie, "Would it be impossible to make me understand women?"
The Genie looks at him and says, "So, do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
2 years ago
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Humor is Healing!!! Please feel welcome to Share with love!!!
2 years ago
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THE CHOICE IN LIFE
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the
boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do,
and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
a Bible,
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky
and a Playboy magazine
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he
entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room
he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this
month's Centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered,
"He's gonna run for Congress!"
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the
boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do,
and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
a Bible,
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky
and a Playboy magazine
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he
entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room
he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this
month's Centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered,
"He's gonna run for Congress!"
