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My niece November 16, 2006 3:47 PM

My niece lives with my sister and brother-in-law and her little brother all the way across the world, in the Middle East. So my sister was worried she wouldn't be able to remember her grandparents and great grandparents. She showed Maria pictures of family often, asking "Who's this? Do you remember who this is?" One day, they were looking through some Christmas cards, and my sister pointed to a picture of Santa. Maria's eyes lit up-she knew this one! "PopPop!" she squealed, pointing out that her Pop's hair and beard had gotten a little whiter than we had all noticed, and that his belly has grown a bit too!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 07, 2006 7:31 AM

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of

Kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his

Mother, "There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens."

How did you know?" his mother asked.

Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.

I think it's printed on the bottom."
 
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Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His

Mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.

She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said,

Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!"
 
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On the first day of school, about midmorning, the

Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the

Bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the

Back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
 
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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store

Box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.

What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says not

To eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained.

I'm looking for the seal."
 
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, five,

And Ryan, three. The boys began to argue over who would

Get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity

For a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin   turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be  

Jesus."
 
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A father was at the beach with his children when his

Four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led

Him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy

Thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
 
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After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When

I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"

Because my daddy says you're the poorest preacher we've ever  

had."
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 November 10, 2005 6:12 AM

Elaine, I hope you are feeling better.   [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 November 10, 2005 6:04 AM

I hope today is Thursday... I have been suffering from some dandy headaches and for a couple of days wasn't even too sure of my name... LOL

---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!

 [ send green star]
 
 November 03, 2005 9:15 AM

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN
(IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
 
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was
"DON'T!
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
 
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "
said God.
 
"Why?"
 
"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.
 
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you? " said the Father


"I don't know," said Eve. "She started it! " Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.


 
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
 
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
 
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
 
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
 
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
 
 
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
 
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
 
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

 [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Elaine.... October 13, 2005 3:12 PM

good one............LOL  [ send green star]
 
 October 13, 2005 10:53 AM

I love Calvin.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 October 13, 2005 9:37 AM

ROTFLMAO!!!! The truth in print....

 [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 October 13, 2005 6:54 AM

This is so true...LOL

 [ send green star]

 
Dian October 06, 2005 3:57 PM

you sure made me smile today.

Hugs,

Bette Jo

 [ send green star]
 
 October 06, 2005 10:00 AM

Upon birth of her new baby sister, Jennifer was overheard asking, "Grandma, why was my baby sister born with an extension cord????"  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
todays humor September 29, 2005 3:39 PM

Senility Prayer

God, grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.

~~~~~

 [ send green star]
 
 September 22, 2005 8:02 AM

LOLOLOL, that was 2 cute.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 22, 2005 6:43 AM

Today's Comic  [ send green star]
 
 September 15, 2005 6:23 AM

cow  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
I found a shorter one for today.. September 15, 2005 6:19 AM

LOL

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

Submitted by Zaxgram

 [ send green star]
 
another oldie but goodie September 08, 2005 1:44 PM

A Letter from Grandma

Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes:

    The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
    Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
    I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
    Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
    Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach."
    I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing; why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
    A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
    I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
    Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love,
Grandma

Compliments of Linda & Barry

I love this one!

Hugs,

Bette Jo

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 September 01, 2005 3:59 PM

When I talk to my two youngest Grandchildren, Gracie and Coy, anytime I ask Gracie what colour she wants in something... its always PINK...LOL Gee you think she's a girly girl?  Now if you ask Gracie what colour to get for her younger brothe Coy, she says..."anything like dirt, Gramma"  I don't know where she comes up with this... but its pretty funny.  [ send green star]
 
How cute......... September 01, 2005 2:24 PM

My grandson Cody is PaPa's boy through and through. Usually when he gets on the phone it is hi, I love you NaNa where is PaPa and Natasha is getting that way too. So one day I was teasing him about how he was PaPa's boy and Natasha was turning into PaPa's girl and Morgand didn't know who's girl she was yet so I had nobody. The phone went quiet for a minute and then he said "don't feel bad NaNa, I love you and I'm your boy too." Little did he know how much those words meant to me coming out of a five year old.

Hugs,

Bette Jo

 [ send green star]
 
 September 01, 2005 8:14 AM

Still working on it!!!  [ send green star]
 
 September 01, 2005 7:46 AM

LOL, well did you figure them out Elaine????  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Thursday's humor... September 01, 2005 7:25 AM

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask her what color it was.  She would tell me and always she was correct.  But it was fun for me, so I continued.  At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself."  [ send green star]
 
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