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FOR CHILDREN WHO WERE BROKEN March 13, 2006 12:51 PM

For Children Who Were Broken For Children Who Were Broken it is very hard to mend...... Our pain was rarely spoken and we hid the truth from friends. Our parents said they loved us, but they didn't act that way. They broke our hearts and stole our worth, with the things that they would say. We wanted them to love us. We didn't know what we did to make them yell at us and hit us, and wish we weren't their kid. They'd beat us up and scream at us and blame us for their lives. Then they'd hold us close inside their arms and tell us confusing lies of how they really loved us -- even though we were BAD, and how it was OUR fault they hit us, OUR fault that they were mad. When days were just beginning we sometimes prayed for them to end, and when the pain kept coming, we learned to just pretend that we were good and so were they and this was just on of those days . tomorrow we'd be friends. We had to believe it so. We had nowhere else to go. Each day that we pretended, we replaced reality with lies, or dreams,or angry schemes, in search of dignity .... until our lies got bigger than the truth, and we had no one real to be Our bodies were forsaken. With no safe place to hide, we learned to stop hearing and feeling what they did to our outsides. We tried to make them love us, till we hated ourselves instead, and couldn't see a way out, and wished that they were dead. We scared ourselves by thinking that, and scared ourselves to know, that we were acting just like them -- and might ever more be so. To be half the size of a grown-up and trapped inside their pain.... To every day lose everything with no savior or refrain... To wonder how it is possible that God could so forget the worthy child you knew you were, when you had not been damaged yet ... To figure on your fingers that the years till you'd be grown enough to leave the torment and survive away from home, were more than you could count to, or more than you could bear, was the reality we lived in and we knew it wasn't fair. We who grew up broken are somewhat out of time, struggling to mend our childhood, when our peers are in their prime. Where others find love and contentment, we still often have to strive to remember we are worthy, and heroes just to be alive. Some of us are healing. some are stealing. Most are passing the anger on. Some give their lives away to drugs, or the promise of like beyond. Some still hide from society. Some struggle to belong. But all of us are wishing the past would not hold on so long. There's a lot of digging down to do to find the child within, to love away the ugly pain and feel innocence again. There is forgiveness worthy of angel's wings for remembering those at all, who abused our sacred childhood and programmed us to fall. To seek to understand them, and how their pain became our own, is to risk the ground we stand on to climb the mountain home. The journey is not so lonely as in the past it s been ... More of us are strong enough to let the growth begin. But while we're trekking up the mountain we need everything we've got, to face the adults we have become, and all that we are not. So when you see us weary from the day's internal climb . When we find fault with your best efforts, or treat imperfection as purposeful crime ... When you see our quick defenses, our efforts to control, our readiness to form a plan of unrealistic goals ... When we run into a conflict and fight to the bitter end, remember ... We think that winning means we won't be hurt again. When we abandon OUR thoughts and feelings, to be what we believe YOU want us to, or look at trouble we are having, and want to blame it all on you... When life calls for new beginnings, and we fear they re doomed to end, remember... Wounded trust is like a wounded knee-- It is very hard to bend. Please remember this when we are out of sorts. Tell us the truth, and be our friend. For children who were broken... it is very hard to mend. by Elia Wise  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
THA'S SOOO TRUE! March 13, 2006 3:53 PM

JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS FOR POSTING THAT. IT'S HARD NOT TO CRY WHEN I READ IT. IT BRINGS BACK SO MANY MEMORIES & REMINDS ME WHY I TRY SO HARD WITH MY BOYS. SO THEY DON'T EVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT TYPE OF PAIN. PEACE & BLESSINGS ANGELDUST  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Angel, March 14, 2006 8:53 AM

I am glad you found some comfort from it. Children are a blessing! I would have spared little katelynn and her brother this if I could have! That is why little katelynn's thread is really my teardrops for her! rdlght_Indiana's Shame teardrops for katelynn  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 March 14, 2006 10:40 AM

Be blessed this day my dear sister.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Dougie, March 14, 2006 12:22 PM

YOur my bud too! I hope all is well. I am so impressed you keep answering on this site. You won't let it go guietly and I hope peolpe like me and you and our friends may someday, somehow make a difference. I do tell little katelynn's brother" I don't know if we even have a hope to save your baby sister but I know one thing for sure if we don't do anything she has no hope at all". ""Still, if you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed, if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than live as slaves." ~Winston Churchill I think and hoppe this is us Dougie. Your friend(gee Dougie I never had anyoone that wanted to be a brother to me that wasn't trying to hurt or use me. SO you have to forgive me if I don't know what that is like. Your friend rdlght  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 March 22, 2006 9:08 PM

IT TAKES YOU [  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 March 22, 2006 9:10 PM

Bummer again. I had a reaaly great logo, but can't add it the thing won't accpet pictures. As for a brother to you. I'll always try my best to be here.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
DOUGIE, March 24, 2006 2:33 PM

YOU ARE A PEACH! I WISH I KNEW HOW THE OTHERS DID THOSE NEAT PICTURES BUT I CAN NEVER GET THOSE EITHER. I FIND THE LEARNING CURVE FRUSTRATING.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
tears March 27, 2006 6:51 PM

you are truely a great person.am so glad you posted this.there is alot of truth in it. my own grandkids were abused by my ex.and they greatly appricate your words.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Marlena, March 30, 2006 11:46 AM

Sweetie it was my privalage. If I have been some comfort you tell those beuatifull grankids thank you for nothing in the world is greater than a childs love. I beleive it is the closest to GODs love on earth and anyone has touched the face GOd has helped any of the chidlren. Please tell them IF I could have done more I would of and tell them to forgive all us grownups who should, could done more and did not! You tell'em to be strong (I know it is ha rd) > please tell them I heard their words and there are others who did to even if it doesn't always seem like it tell them I think of them and hope for them that there will be happiness but please tell them someone else (I can only speak for me) heard their words and I will not forget what I heard! rdlght-indiana's shame teardrops for katelynn  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 March 31, 2006 12:33 AM

my grandkids said thank you and are really glad to know you think of them.they have went on with their lives and are readjusting,but it was a hard road to go.thank god there was someone who listened.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 April 04, 2006 6:26 AM

amen  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
update April 04, 2006 6:39 AM

dougie,i am eternally grateful for the group.they sure stepped in and helped.my granddaughter will turn 16 this july.she has put this behind her and went on. she is now doing social work with younger children of abusde and sends love for all the kind words.said for little kate to hang in there.and hope someday one will be there not only to listen but to help end this abuse.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 April 04, 2006 9:43 AM

Really glad to read about how B.A.C.A. has help your grand kids. Iam try'n to build a chapter here in Ontario. I'll be passing this onto the Mother chapter. Thanks for your input.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
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