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 May 25, 2010 7:14 PM

Thanks they were really cute.

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 January 26, 2008 7:09 AM

One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!''

''I know!'' the next woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house but when I called he wasn't there.''

The third woman says, ''I always know where my husband is.''

''Impossible!'' both women say, ''He has you completely fooled!''

''Oh no,'' says the woman. ''I'm a widow.''
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 January 25, 2008 9:44 AM

icon.jpg icon image by bindedxinxchainshugs.gif hugs image by gretchen09_14  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 January 23, 2008 4:59 AM

Love it!! 

frog.gif frog image by braceface12345

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 January 22, 2008 6:34 AM

Frog Talk
What did one frog say to the other?

Time sure is fun when you're having flies.


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 January 19, 2008 9:10 AM

That's a good one Jeane, and yes Victoria I saw the Bugs..  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 January 19, 2008 5:33 AM

 spacer 
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

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Hi there! January 18, 2008 11:30 PM

Hi there ....

The pics on the joke below didn't load, you might just have to wait for awhile to have them load!

what do you see?

do you see bugs on your screen?

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 January 18, 2008 7:14 PM

Hi Victoria..nice to see you here..

WHY WORRY ?

There are only two things to think about.
Either you are well or you are sick.

If you go to heaven,
there is nothing to worry about.



If you are well,
there is nothing to worry about.

If you are sick,
there are two things to worry about.

Either you get well or you will die.

If you get well,
there is nothing to worry about.

If You die,
there are two things to worry about.

Either you go to heaven or hell.

If you go to hell,
You will be so damn busy

Shaking hands with your friends,
You would have no time to worry.

So why Worry .........?

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MEDICAL TEST: January 17, 2008 4:28 AM

It really works!  

MEDICAL TEST
wait until all the pictures load for best results...



STARE INTO THE CAT'S EYES
  FOR 10 SECONDS ...Then Scroll Down

 


*

*

*

*


NOW STARE IN THE PUPPY'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS  





...Scroll Down

*

*

*
 


Your CAT SCAN
and LAB TESTS
are now complete  







 




This post was modified from its original form on 17 Jan, 4:31  [ send green star]  [ accepted]

 
 January 16, 2008 8:58 PM

What it Means, "Really"

"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good looking women."

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"

"She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."

"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."



 

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 January 16, 2008 4:02 PM

The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."
-------------------------
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.
Billy: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!



This post was modified from its original form on 16 Jan, 16:05  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 January 15, 2008 5:15 PM

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 January 15, 2008 7:41 AM

WIFE:  "There's trouble with the car.   It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND:  "Water in the carburetor? That's  ridiculous."
WIFE:  "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.  Where's the car?"
WIFE:   "In the pool."

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 January 11, 2008 12:20 PM

That's really funny Jeane. It sounds like something she would do, age gracefully..lol

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 January 11, 2008 8:35 AM

One of my daughters sent me this today.  It cracked me up!
************************************************
It wouldn't  be so funny if it wasn't so true... Julie Andrews turned 69 - To  commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist, Julie  Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall  for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she
performed  was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound  Of Music."

Here are the actual lyrics she used: -----------

Maalox  and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new  dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up in string, These
are a  few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing  aids and glasses, Polident and
Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,  Pacemakers, golf carts and porches
with swings, These are a few of my  favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak, When  the knees go bad, I
simply remember my favorite things, And then I  don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,  No spicy hot food or
food cooked with onions, Bathrobes and heating  pads and hot meals they
bring, These are a few of my favorite  things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin', Thin  bones and
fractures and hai r that is thinnin', And we won't mention our  short,
shrunken frames, When we remember our favorite  things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes  grow dim, Then
I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't  feel so bad.

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the  crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores) Please share  Ms. Andrews' clever wit
and humor with others who would appreciate  
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 January 11, 2008 6:57 AM

You know it's July in Florida when:

- Hot water comes out of both taps.

- You find out that a seatbelt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron.

- The trees are whistling for the dogs.

- You find out that you can get sunburned through your car window.

- The birds need to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

- You burn your hand opening the car door.

- The temperature drops below 95 and you put on a sweater.

- You can make instant sun tea.

- Shade determines the best parking space, not distance.

- Farmers feed their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

- When you step outside at 7:30 a.m., you break into a sweat.

- Potatoes cook underground. This is convenient because all you have to do is pull one out and add salt, pepper and butter.

- You discover that asphalt has a liquid state.

- You realize that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.


Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly| Send Story to a Friend  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 January 10, 2008 3:46 PM

   Good one !  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 January 10, 2008 7:14 AM

Driving Test

A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car?" asks the police officer.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do it," says the officer.

So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

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 January 09, 2008 8:02 PM

Photobucket  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 January 09, 2008 1:31 PM

I just about split my side laughing!!  Have to send that to my kids who tell me I spend too much time on my computer.  They will be happy to know a 12-Step Program is there to help!  LOL!!

computericon.jpg picture by MoofiesAngel

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 January 09, 2008 8:10 AM

12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!





Engineer's Glass

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.




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 December 31, 2007 11:37 PM

Photobucket  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 December 27, 2007 5:42 PM

Photobucket  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Glad I have friends out here :) December 27, 2007 6:36 AM

hello-1-2-1.gif picture by MoofiesAngel  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 December 26, 2007 7:41 PM

Photobucket  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous Each One Gets a Dollar! September 14, 2006 11:51 AM

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anonymous  September 05, 2006 7:10 AM

got coffee  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous * Jokes & Funny Pix * September 04, 2006 7:26 PM

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