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How T Honor Anniversary of Death November 03, 2006 11:11 AM

The anniversay of my father's death comes up at the end of November. I live two states away from where he was buried. What would be some meaningful ways to honor his life on that day?  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Re: How to Honor Anniversary of Death November 18, 2006 6:52 AM

I noticed back on the Fourth of July that I was starting to hate holidays. I heard a news story that the red cross was always in a shortage around the holidays because more was needed and no one wanted to take the time to give. So that is how I have started trying to honor the memory of my Mom since she was a nurse it just kind of fits. Perhaps there is something that was close to your Dad's heart that can be a great way to honor him. Hang in there!! How many years has it been? The first anniversary of my Mom's death I allowed myself to just stay home.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 November 24, 2006 6:13 PM

Hi Alisa and Sherry,

I have also thought a great deal about this, My mom passed away in January of 06. I have scheduled a Mass in the church in which  she attended..first Communion, confirmation, Marriage,..etc,.and even if I am not able to make it..I made it for a Sunday at Noon, the whole church will be praying for her as well...We are of different religious beliefs...But I did what would be important to her spirit and beliefs.....I will also celebrate her life in my own special way with prayer, mediation, ceremonial music, flowers on the alter, and enjoying the memories of her life...She was my best friend too...I will allow myself to be still,..quiet my mind,.and enjoy her spirit around me..



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hello Alisa and Sherry November 30, 2006 5:26 PM

I spent some time alone and remember the good times my father and I had hanging out together ! then I continue with my day because even though I miss my father and the pain has never gone away from loosing him, he would want me to go on not spend the day wishing he was with me (even though I do ) it's a pain that has never gone away i've just learned to deal follow you heart ! i've lost both my mother and my father !

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It's strange December 03, 2006 9:52 PM

I thought about it for weeks, then the day came and it slipped my mind, and then I remembered the day after.

I miss my dad. Holidas are weird.

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Alisa December 06, 2006 11:51 PM

Not strange at all, Alisa...I'd say it's wonderful.  Although you say it "slipped your mind", your dad was certainly in your heart that day.  And you kept busy doing precisely what I know your father would have wanted you to be doing: living your life.  Loving your family.  Continuing on.

Good for you - you stumbled upon the perfect way for you to remember and to honor your dad. 

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 December 07, 2006 12:41 AM

I, too, have been struggling to come up with some meaningful way to remember my parents on the anniversaries of their deaths, January 2 and March 11.  This will also be my first Christmas without them here, so I'm trying to decide how to incorporate some celebration of their lives into our holiday tradition.  Perfectionist that I am, I've been approaching it as if I need to pick precisely the "right" way or ways to do it.  I guess I'm still striving to be their good little girl and to make them proud.

Seriously, I thought I had the perfect idea: we'll take the kids out and plant a tree for each of them on their day.  How life, roots spreading out and continuing to grow....  And we can take the girls out every year on the anniversaries to see how big the trees have gotten!  Yeah, that's it, that's the perfect, lasting way to show the world how much I love and miss my parents.

Um, slight problem with that.  We live in Iowa.  The ground will be frozen solid, likely into April.  When that finally dawned on me, I was just crushed.  Now what am I going to do?  How can I possibly come up with another tribute that will measure up!

These last few weeks, some things have been happening in our home life that have given me a new perspective.  Maybe my parents have been sending me a message as well, a sort of affectionate kick in the pants.  Nothing you do to remember us will be wrong.

So go with whatever feels right to you at the moment.

Light a candle.

Take a walk.

Donate flowers to the hospital where your mom or dad was treated.

Whip up a batch of cookies from your mother's favorite recipe.

Teach your kid to ride a bike.

Call your brother, your sister, your mom or dad's best friend and remind them that you're thinking of them.

Write a letter to your parents, and tuck it away to read next year.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Smile.  Repeat.

Peace be with all of you this holiday season.

- Heather

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Replying To: How T Honor Anniversary of Death December 07, 2006 1:56 PM

Heather I love your ideas! I felt that I had to do everything perfect for a while, too! Then I realized that Mom was looking down on me screaming “live life for goodness sake! Don’t waste a moment!” So since I did a lot of “living life” when I was in my 20s (like skydiving, caving, camping, etc.) I am living each day as good as I can. I think of her often and miss her often. But I see her in every other woman. Little things like the way they move or talk or a phrase. It makes me feel good! Hang in there! You can still plant the trees in the spring in memory and even get a memorial stone to place at the base. Big Hugs!! Sherry  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
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