I'm a cowboy at heart. Native Texan, a blue-blood on my mama's side. Her kin-folk come off the Mayflower and settled in Boston. My daddy's kin folk came from Scotland on a boat via Ellis Island and got to Texas just as soon as they could get a team of horses, a mule and a conestoga wagon to set out west and claim free land under the Spanish Land Grant of the early 1800s. Great great grand pappy brought great great grammy along with him - actually kidnapped her from the Smith College campus and had her in central Texas (then Mexico) before her very well-connected British aristocratic father (great great great granadpappy...we still hang his portrait from London Town in the barn) could call the federal marshalls out on em. Since I grew up around critters when I's just a boy, guess you could say I'm part-cherokee, part-equine, part-canine, but all boy!
My family spread is outside Bandera, Texas on 15 sections of the most beautiful rolling land in Texas, perhaps the world...least I think so. Course, my folk have been here in the same place since 1804...so it kinda grows on ya.
Momma's people are still snooty blue-blood Bostonians who come down here to play polo with me and my Mescalaro Apache, Argentine & Mexican Vaquero ranch cowboys kick their ass every chucker & match. We use brooms down here, not mallets!
Even though I'm supposed to be 1/2 blue-blood Boston Brahmin from momma's side of the tribe, I'm all Texan at heart and 10th generation native by bloodline to boot.
I'm a extremely liberal politically. Pretty much exclusively a democrat and work every four years on the national presidential campaign on the candidate's travel staff. I do it for free (less expenses, unless they con me into takin' daddy's Gulfstream V) because I believe in democratic presidents so much. Needless to say, I'm a FOB. He calls me, "bubba" ever since that one night back in 1992 in Little Rock at the, ...well, I'll just skip over that one till later. I love animals of all kinds, never kill deer or elk or antelope and despise people who do. I'd rather hunt THEM hunters actually. Daddy says when he finally dies (so he won't be considered an unindicted co-conspirator) I can set aside a section or two of the spread and designate it "exotic humanoid preserve" where minorities and women can come from all over the globe to hunt republican evangelical protestant white men. We'll have to use heavy dosage tranquizer darts I guess, so these dudes will eventually wake up with only a really bad headache...course nothin' says we can't de-pants em, grease em all up and tar & feather em when they's konked-out in the middle of Bum Fuck Egypt (or as we refer to it, the VERY south 40 section of the spread-git a rope) with wild critters bitin' on em and smelling their butts. I don't want to get hauled-off to the state pen for murder ya know.
Now, don't get me wrong. I may be a country boy at heart, but I am also quite urbane. I got hauled-off to two years of boarding school in New Hampshire and then to the Ivy Leauge for some post-prep school book learnin' - 7 years of it actually (BS, MBA & MPA - ouch!). Then two years abroad at Oxford and Cambridge for barrister college to satisfy my momma's kin folk. But, then I came home and got a Ranch Management degree from TCU up there in Fort Worth. I sure did like CowTown and two-steppin at Billy Bobs and calf-ropin at the North Side Rodeo and workin' summers at Six Flags Over Texas (Southern Palace performer, La Salle's River Boat Guide, Speelunker's Cave Guide, Lof Flume operator, employee swim pool life guard (instigated many after-hours skinny-dipping parties) - but I also loved Boston and New England and Manhattan and the Hamptons when I was at school up yonder. I actually am a bit of a chamellion. I can fit right in at a border town honkey-tonk raisin' hell with shit-kickers and kickin' hippies asses in Del Rio or a sweat lodge buck-naked smokin' peyote with my native americano compadres up in the Sangre De Christo range outside Taos, NM or dressed to the nines in a Saville Row tuxedo (got it when I was a Rhodes Scholar - still fits today thank you) attending the Metropolitan Opera and then for dinner at The Four Seasons in Mahattan. Or hang out in black cognito at sidewalk cafes in Montmartre drinking way too much expresso and absurdly expensive bordeaux wine, 1959 & 1966 vintage, my weak spot.
But, I'm most at home when I'm sittin' on the back porch of daddy's home with a stunningly interesting female, watchin' the sunset , grillin' Kobe beef steaks on the pit, sippin' 40 year old Canadian barrel-select whisky, smoking a Monte Cristo #2 Cuban cigar (don't get started on them ever, they are more expensive of a habit than drugs) and tossing a Kong filled with liver pate' to my doggies to fetch. That is my idea of Utopia...which, incidentily, is just up the road from our place.
I lean to the left,...to about mid-thigh (wink, wink, nudge nudge, no wat ah mean, no wat ah mean?)
Do NOT tell me what to do! God Damnit! I'll do what I want to do, when I want to do it and when I am god damn good and ready to do it!
I feel I have an authority figure complex, does it show?
What Gives Me Hope
Puppies and little children, the sunrise, the sunset, art, nature, underdog, true love, a women who'll stand by her man, me...and my mamma.
If I were Mayor, I'd make the world a better place by
(1) Getting rid of all the god damn fuckin' lawyers on day one, priority one, task one of my administration...and I am one - in England (a barrister, actually), so I know what I'm talking about. Put them all chained together in a lead-paneled lock box at the bootom of the ocean. They can file theoretical law suits against each other in there and conduct mock trial competitions for eternity or until they run out of breathable oxygen or the sharks decide to forgo "professional courtesy" and eat them.
(2) Getting ALL conventional US and NATO allied military personnel out of Iraq and Afghanistan immediately (and Iran...you know W's already snuck a brigade or two in there already-get real.) Leave ONLY the following mil-forces:
A silent but deadly potent covert strike force consisting of black ops assisians, snipers, special forces strike forces (US Army Delta Force, Navy SEALs, Blue Mafia of the US Air Force Office of Special Investigations (AFOSI)and covert CIA operatives that really no one wants or needs to hear about in public hearings on Capitol Hill and on C-SPAN.
Why? Because several doctrines of the Geneva & Vienna Conventions will have to be disregarded and the entire Bolin Amendment will have to be disregarded, at least temporarly -Essentially, what the American public don't know, won't hurt them) all of this deadly force under direct field command and control of the U.S. Special Operations Command (SOCOM) and a single 4-star US general currently commanding SOCOM.
Augment this force with an elite contingency of global counter-terrorism expert mercenaries and counter-terrorism operatives from the following factions (a virtual super-star ensemble of the worlds' most bad-ass mil covert ops forces-some of which may exist, many of which do not "officially" exist):
US Army Fort Benning, GA-based Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation (WHISC-formerly School of the Americas-SOA); the Israeli Massaudp; Russian Federalnaya Sluzhba Bezopasnosti (FSB); United Kingdom Special Forces (UKSF); Canadian Joint Task Force 2; re-assembled Cambodian Khmer Rouge factions in exilein the jungle since the fall of Saigon; Belfast-based Irish Republican Army (IRA); Ulster Loyalist Freedom Fighters (UFF); Salvadoran-based Sombra Negra; Chiaps,Mexico-based Zapatista Army of National Liberation; reactivated Muerte a Sequestradores (MAS) death squads of the former Medellin & Cali Columbian cartels who served under Pablo Escobar (just ask surviving dependents of deceased undercover DEA agents and narco snitches how inhumanely lethal these guys could be down in come inner-city Bogata tenament slum back in tha' day); Dominican Republic La Banda; Nicaraguan Contras; former North Vietnamise Viet Cong (VCI) and any other bad-ass MFs from Compton, Inglewood and Bedford Stiverson along with the notorously worst gang members from maximum security state penitentiaries across the US released on a strict parol to conduct drive-by shootings of Suni and Shite milita cells embedded in inner-Bagdad enclaves. Notice I didn't include the French Foreign Legion in this list? Why, because they are fuckin' FAGGOTS - that's why. And they'd pussy-out the minute the rubber hit the road.
Hell, enlist my own rolling-crew posse from the East Austin projects and airlift us to Bagdad, issue us a fleet of windowless panel vans and some Uzis upon our arrival in country. We'd have every last fuckin' Suni & Sheite Muslim extremist in Bagdad and Soder City tied-up in some dank, undisclosed basement with truck battery terminals attached to wet sponges, ball-pien hammers and needle-nose pliers applied to their extremist-fuckin' attitudes in a god damn hurry. Doubt if they'd give my home boys much back talk, capice?
All of this mil force, laser-focused under one command & control
to surgically extricate Al-Quida cells and other terrorist organizations...leaving only the civilians still standing and breathing in order to rebuild a democracy in peace with some American and UN assistance, but only if desired
(3)IMMEDIATELY start dealing with global warming in a very real and productive sense - using draconian and dictatorial tactics if necessary (100% nationalization of the entire domestic petro-chemical private sector industry) to reduce carbon dioxide emmissions and reduce our global dependence on fossil fuels.Appoint Al Gore as National Energy Czar.
(4) Put way way more women in positions of authority and decision-making...particularly in foreign affairs and diplomacy at the US State Department and the US Department od Defense. Women are much better negotiators and strategic thinkers than men, an emperically-proven fact. Also, I'd make women in charge of all the money at the US Treasury and the Federal Reserve. Females are much better savers than men and way better at investment strategy...it's that nesting instinct inherent in that X factor female chromosome. The Y male chromosome seems to have inherant in its genetic code which, if it could speak, would utter something like: "you lookin' at me, yo, muther fucker, I said, you lookin' at me? I'll pop a cap in yo ass be-ach" to total strangers on the street for Christ's sake! And we want a dude with his finger on the nuclear code detenator switch?Remember, I'm not actually a "man" in the iconoclastic sense of the word. I'm a boy at heart! Remember? I still love my mamma, but I'n not a mamma's boy by any stretch, never was. and I love all females! Like all good boys naturally do! It's like I still have a crush on my first grade teacher when I'm around women. Don't you just want to take me home and cuddle? I'll follow you around like a puppy, better look out!
Anyways, that's what I'd do if I were President. Actually, I think we should nominate a black female president (POTUS) in 2008. Black? Female? You don't say? Hell, why not - we already have elected a RETARTED one, twice! In 2000 (well, appointed at least) and 2004!
(5) Outlaw ALL kill shelter municipal dog/cat animal control departments nation-wide by federal executive order. Any animal control officer in violation of this executive order will be put in his/her own gas chamber and be put down. No judge, no jury, immediate sentencing.
What/who changed my life and why
Rainey-my dog and true friend, The 1992 presidential campaign, Forrest Gump, Godfather Part II, The Sun Also Rises & For Whom the Bell Tolls by Hemingway, my former wife (and still very good friend and soul mate and mother to my 8 kids), Bill (because he gave me a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity and the most kick-ass six year ride in my life thus far!)