Okay. As much as I hate "About Me" sections, I'm going to try to put something here that doesn't entirely suck wind. Maybe people stretch the truth here and there, when it comes to this sort of thing. It's not always easy to be objective when you're trying to let the world know who you really are. I suppose I just feel impelled to be as honest as possible.
I was born to a pair of loving, albino pygmy parents under the bright lights of a circus tent during its stay in Big Rapids, Michigan. It was there that I learned all of the fine arts of carnival trade, including the weapon mastery that would one day ensure my survival in the undoubtedly certain event that I would ever be set upon by a band of ninjas.
Such was the case when our merry band of performers was forced to flee the "Big Top" after a celebrity of some distinction decided to set fire to it as an act of revenge against our primary sponsor, The Pepsi-Cola Company.
Through the dark streets of Kalamazoo, I wandered until I was attacked. My skill with the shuriken and the timely arrival of Wonder Woman allowed me to escape, and the two of us lived in ecstatic and extremely naughty bliss on the island of Themyscira, until I felt the call of show business and realized I must return to the states.
My return was interrupted when the raft I'd fashioned from empty milk cartons was captured by pirates, who - being unfamiliar with the written word - demanded that I log their exploits with heiroglyphics, in return for my freedom.
Fortunately, they were kind-hearted, and the captain released me on the condition that I continue to draw pictures rather than pursue my dream-occupation of being a pool attendant at the Justice League Headquarters.
I eventually settled down with a wonderful woman and her two daughters, and we reside in a damp, dark corner of the Great Northwest.
I continue to assemble shuriken from old Ding-Dong wrappers. You just never know when you may need them.
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