It has been so long since I have been around, I read my messages & found that I have recieved so many new Green stars. THANK YOU ALL. You get them all right back at ya!
First let me get everyone up to date with all that has changed in my life.
1. Am Divorced now..BUT strange enough hubby & I are still living together, raising out kids together, loving each other, hating each other, loving each other & still having "relations" (heheh)) The reasons for the divorce will only be shared with those I feel need to be.
2. My son is excelling in high school. ALL A'S THIS YEAR!! even in composition! The upcoming year will be his last. Then his sights are set on attending Florida State U! (SAD & MOST DEPRESSING FOR ME IS THAT HE WILL BE SOOOOOOOO FAR AWAY!!!!) But I will not stand in the way of his dreams. BUT..yes another BUT..I wish he would attend our own wonderful & world renowned UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN-MADISON!!! OR Marquette!
3. My daughter was having a little struggle this year, stopped her violin, picked up more within the creative arts area (still being the Bi-lingual school Spanish/English), she is feeling even at 9 yrs old that she NEEDS to have a determined career. Her ignorant teacher pushed her own thoughts on that 3rd graders should know what they want to be already! So my daughter even after being removed from that idiots class, is still having a difficult time understanding THE REAL LIFE choices she has.
4. My hubby (well ex-hubby) health is not bad, but could be much better. He has allowed himself to become overweight to the point of concern, he knows it, everyone here has tried to help him, since we all usually eat pretty healthy,,,he refuses to stick to what I prepare for him daily. He will eat what I prepare, then says he is going for drive & I KNOW he goes & grabs junk food!
5. My Grandfather (Fathers Dad) passed away last August from a long battle with several heart conditions, lung issues he was ready, then in October we lost my closet, dearest & sweetest Great Uncle passed from untreated cancer he refused treatment for.
6. My very first love, boyfriend who treated me like a queen passed away at the tender age of 42 from a stroke. It still rips my heart out today that his children will grow without him. ((Fonzo was the one that taught me things about men, life & what to NOT tolerate)) Even after we broke up..he & I remained best friends for years! He even helped me decide whether or not to marry.
((These deaths all occurred in a 7 month period. Three of my closet men in my life..loosing the only three men that I really deeply & truly loved, trusted & respected were now gone))
7. My mother & I have grown closer over the years and our bond is stronger than ever. She came & saved me from a short self-destructve phase after the divorce, and a nervous breakdown shortly after I sobered up. (Now mind you I never drink alcohol, even with most special occasions, but when I got served with the papers I felt as if I was a disappointment, failure, embarrassment, and a terrible mother. My mom was there by my side for five months helping me recover & sat next to me in the court room.
And as you can see by all that I have shared, I am not shy to share my private life with those that care to read. I have learned that by holding back my thoughts, ideas, emotions it leads to more harm than good.
I also found that the ones that called themselves my friends are no longer around. During my deepest & darkest hours, I was able to see through all the facades that were there.
When I was sick no one wanted or cared to be there as so many promised me. I was alone in my heart & soul & mom was there. There were times when I thought about my life, why I was here, what is my purpose. And I still haven't figured out that last part. But for now I am content with my focus being on my children & close family members who stood next to me.
My next goals are to become more active in my own dreams & making sure that with hard work & determination I now have I will be closer to getting my dreams & desires fullfilled.
By being a more open minded, stronger woman, fearless in making my voice heard, being able to stand up proudly & happily again.
I love my life, am truly lucky & blessed to have all that I have. I will try my best to get through another day with a positive thought that will help me when I feel its too tough.
I will make sure to be the friend a friend needs, and not like the ones that had abandonded me when I needed good, honest & sincere friends the most.
If at anytime you feel you may just need to vent...I am here!
For everyone has those days when it just seems it's all too much I will do my best to be one of those Friends that will be here when needed.
Peace, love & my best to all!