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Jun 3, 2006

My life seems to be a series of experiences, like as if I have been through almost everything. I know that my job in life is to share theses experiences with others, but how. How do you become a speaker? How do you help others and since I haven't been to jail or crippled; why would anyone want to choose me?
I come from a divorced family, I have been raped, I have been molested, I have family in Germany, went through an alcoholic/abusive family, was married three times (once to a prisoner, to an abusive, lying, cheating...gave me ghonarhea during my pregnancy...drug addict, and now currently an Iraq war veteran who is an alcoholic...who adopted my oldest son and treats him differently), I have dealt with a 2 month premature baby, 2 c-sections (and was told had I given a v-bac I would've died), stayed home alone with a two month old and a 3 yr old in a town where I knew no one (in Louisiana) for a whole year while Cesar was in Iraq and had post-partum depression, most of my relatives are deceased (9 friends and family in 3yrs), Found my father dead, did almost every drug out there, traveled the world (most of it anyhow), my house was robbed, worked 3 jobs and couldn't pay bills....lived on Ramen, dealt with severe depression and was an out-patient (they wanted me to be an in-patient, but who would take care of my son).....I know there is more; but at this moment I can't think....my stomach hurts.....oh ya I went from 199lbs to 132lbs in a year. I'm a shopaholic....which is hard and I love to photograph things, but now that I live in Texas and not Cali anymore I don't have much to photograph. Right now I am suffering in a marriage that I need more love in and less pain.....He makes me relive not only our past, but my past and I need more than that and I know eventually I will leave......I'm just not too sure when....
I want to help others survive....because I am a survivor. Yes, I've tried to take my own life many times, but I could never hurt the ones I love and after having children I knew I could never do that to them. Being a part of a divorced family I know what abandonment is like and I would never want that on them.
Many say I should write a book, but about what? That I have slept with over 64 people and had over 100 relationships? or that I am now a stay at home mom that is bored out of her mind? Maybe, my new belief system that deals with Novus Spiritus and how I am thankful for Sylvia Browne being in my life....where 4 years ago I tried reading her and decided that she was out there and I couldn't believe in that and here I am now a TRUE BELIEVER.....and this is before I ever knew about the DaVinci Code book or Movie.
I know I am here to help.....but, how?
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Posted: Saturday June 3, 2006, 8:42 am
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Yvonne C.
female, age 39, divorced, 2 children
Mcallen, TX, USA
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