A cloud has passed.

For a little while now I've been preoccupied with some hurt feelings and communication frustrations with a friend of mine. In internet messages I'd been giving him my opinions about what I thought was wrong about how he acts and, to the extent that there is a self, who he is.

One of the things I criticized in him was how critical he was. Another bone of contention was how he would say things that he admitted were meant to hurt me. It occurred to me that in my criticisms I might be being hurtful to him and behaving in a similar manner to the ways he behaved that I was criticizing.

It seemed like there was no end in sight and I was feeling crappy about it so I made an effort to break that loop. I suppose I could have said this friendship is over but did something else instead.

Last night, though I did not quite feel right about it, I apologized for my criticisms and said I forgave him what i felt were his trespasses. At that point I did not actually deep down forgive him but I just wanted to let things go. I questioned whether my attempts to end our hostilities would just allow the possibility of further hostilities later on. They may very well.

However this morning I got a response that he claims he wrote before he read my apology peace message and it was equally conciliatory. That made me feel better about having sent my message.

Things felt changed. Things had changed. That bicker cloud passed, taking that loop of my hostile preoccupied monkey mind with it.

For now any way.