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Dec 9, 2009

Focus:Children
Action Request:Think About
Location:United States

I am a woman who now is 39, child free. When i use those terms, people get upset. It's San Francisco, so i have more latitude here, but point being I come from chicago where people almost always look down upon my decision. In fact, they think something is "wrong" with you for *not* having kids. One friend once asked me, "do you think it's irresponsible *not* to have kids? (meaning, i wasn't producing, so i wasn't giving to the world), and i turned to her and said, "not at all, in fact, i think it's irresponsible *not* to look at all of the children already born and not think, "i might want to save a child's life instead of having one that looks just like me". I'm sure that comment wasn't the best, but i think she got my point. Choosing has been my M.O, and i choose *not* to have my own children. It's really that simple.

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Posted: Wednesday December 9, 2009, 1:20 pm
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ElenaNoFwdsPls M. (130)
Thursday December 10, 2009, 5:22 am
Alison, I understand what are you talking about. Some people in my surroundind do not aprove my decision to not have children. There are still such beliefs in my country (Ukraine) that tha main role of women is to reproduce, if she is child-free- she is not a valuable member of society, even if she is successfull in business, politic, science or art. It's sad to hear such points of view from higly educated people, who supposed to be more progressive.

Past Member (0)
Tuesday December 15, 2009, 8:48 am
i like your post.

ever see the episode back in the day of all in the family where gloria and michael (meathead) were feuding over having children? gloria and her parents were raising hell with meathead because of his views about not wanting to contribute to the already out of control population back then and also the world that the child would be coming into.

i have to lol when i read the part you wrote where you were asked "do you think it's IRRESPONSIBLE not to have kids" - BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT PRODUCING - good god almighty - i tell you, the mentality of people never ceases to ASTOUND me. we're baby making machines that's right - just a vessel for someone else to put their vessel and then to push through another vessel. LOL!

oh lord.. XD

want a child i say? ADOPT! there are a lot of unwanted children in this world. i know, i was one of them. (no i wasn't adopted, just not wanted by those that brought me into this world - and i'm not looking for sympathy by making that statement - it's just a fact no biggie.)

i often see many comparisons to having children with the idea of having companion animals. what i mean exactly is in terms of the campaign we have towards pet overpopulation and spaying or neutering animals so as to not bring in any more animals than are already at risk of getting killed in the overcrowded shelters. (it's reported that of the almost 10 million animals that enter shelters each year in america, nearly 80% are killed - nice huh?)

and everyone wants a "little me" - or as i call it to borrow from a very popular film - a mini me. and the only way they can really do it is through having their own baby that they helped create either through natural means or artificial. yet a child's a child.

just like with animal breeders - they love the process of breeding their particular dog or cat or what have you and it really doesn't matter what the costs are out there in the real world - as long as they're breeding and gratifying themselves.

we are such a selfish society.

if you really want to have a baby, please adopt a child.

i was once fostered many decades ago and i love what one foster family told me - we love it - and you came to us complete - POTTY TRAINED AND EVERYTHING! XD

Past Member (0)
Wednesday December 16, 2009, 1:45 am
hello alison - you're welcome and THANK YOU.

i think this is where you can reply to posts. just by posting here where it says comments withing the group as i've done. ;)

Frances Bell (9)
Saturday January 1, 2011, 7:22 pm
I'm now 50 and am so glad I'm past the point where people are asking when I'm going to have kids - as if it's some sort of requirement for being female. I copped a lot of flak from my ex-inlaws and almost everyone I talk to asks me why I don't have kids, and then proceed to look at me as if I've just crawled out from under a rock when I tell them I just plain never wanted to. I used to get told I was selfish for not having them.... figure that one out! I always thought it was pretty selfish to bring kids into such an uncertain world..... after all, what motivates us to have kids if it's not purely out of our own desire to do so?

Author

Alison L.
female, age 44,
San Francisco, CA, USA
ALISON'S SHARES
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15
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Thanks so much for sharing ...loved your post. alisonps: is this where i should respond to posts?


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