Four months ago a very different and challenging period started for me and it started when I heard Isha Judd's interview on a radio program called Zentertainment. The day after I felt what I can only describe as strange, a little uneasy. I was inspired by her words and wanted to know more.
After surviving a horrible time four years ago I have built many tools that I use to face periods when deep emotional pain surfaces, the main tool being clearing work, simply put, I cry my guts out. There has been no real direction in this process but it has worked for me and usually after a few days I would feel better and my sleeping would return to a blissful state. When I started to feel strange this time I wasn't that concerned but this strange feeling slowly took hold and my old emotional pain returned. ( I refuse to label it in any other way, there is a real danger for labels to stick and eventually you become the diagnosis. ) .
When I learnt more about Isha I was keen to try her system and when I did my emotional pain became very pronounced and intense. I will not say it became worse here, as that implies something wrong and therefore something that needs fixing. I now know it's the pain of patterns that I needed to clear and finally let go of. If these patterns were to sit there buried like before I wouldn't have been able to clearly see them, the pain exposed them for me. That pain subsided a few weeks ago after a very emotional day. I was very distressed and anxious but after doing my clearing work a calmness came over me and a faint voice started saying the first facet of the Isha system. Praise love for this moment in it's perfection. This voice has directed and inspired me on a few occasions now.
During the day I convinced myself that this system was sending me into a spiral of deeper pain. I had given the system away before because of this and it always scared me but after a few days I seemed drawn to continue the facets. The words of Jesus helped The Narrow gate ( Matthew 7.13 ) .
I had organised with one of Isha's teachers to do a video conference and we were to do the second part of the seminar the next day but after feeling so distressed I was ready to phone the teacher and cancel. After the calmness came and I went to bed I awoke feeling wonderful and decided to do the second part of the seminar and had a beautiful session with the teacher, a person with true inner beauty. I have continued with the system and now it's part of my life as I become more and more present.
I have had some very special moments in this time, one lovely time came when I awoke one morning and for some reason felt panic arising but then some beautiful Irish music came into my head and the voice said Welcome home . Later that day when I was pushing my grandson on a swing I put words to the Irish music and now he asked for it whenever I am pushing him on the swing.
This brief account is written in an effort to help those that are experiencing the deep feelings that are surfacing and have doubts that stop them from fully committing to the Isha System. I now know that the work I have done over the last four years has helped me build strength to face my fears and take on the patterns that have held me back and now that they are clearly exposed doing the Isha system I have the opportunity to let them go and pursue a true potential. It's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and there maybe more pain but I have a process now, a ritual and a confidence and I know the pain will guide me to grow.
If anyone is interested in hearing more about this four months period contact me through my profile and I will be happy to send you the details.