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Jul 10, 2010

 

LOST LOVES AND RELATIONSHIPS

 

 

Heaven only knows how many woman have been in my life. Some much longer than others. Some I have truly loved, others I have truly enjoyed. Yet others, I barely got to know at all. Oh yea, some I passed on and had regrets I did not get to know better. All in all, I was blessed ~~ or cursed, depending on how you view it, with an incredible attraction to women and apparently vice versa. There have been many highs and lows. I honestly admit to being the proverbial  male whore of Bellflower, California for about a year or so. My roommate and I had a revolving door where women came in and out. I am not proud of some of my relationships.

Of all the beautiful women I have had in my life I was truly in love four times, including my current beloved Regina who is the other wing to our angel who flies over us.

There may be an issue with the definition of "true Love". While I am certain of my emotional commitment, ~~  is there true love when the partner does not share the love at the same level? Can we be so bold that we  can quantify or question one's feelings even if there is no receiver? I am too much of a romantic to not believe that people fall in love regardless of the subject of that love. ~~ or to say~~ that if there is no sacred unity with the physical act then you are not truly in love. Regardless of the level of our love, we all strive for the consummation of our love. If we fall short on this goal, does this mean we did not truly love?

Now that I have painted a rather dubious picture of myself, allow me to say that I am the beautiful person I am because of all my relationships. There is a wisdom I developed from these relationships that we can all benefit from. You can learn a lesson of life with each relationship. That lesson can be as simple as never being with  a person who has so much baggage from the past, to as deep as an awakening of lost spirituality.

 


 

The termination of a relationship

No matter how bad the relationship was, severing that part of our life is very difficult to do. When you invest any level of emotion into another person and truly loved that person, for respect of human compassion, closure is necessary to move on. I will dare say, if both partners experienced true love together, closure is not something one has to ask for as the compassion that comes with true love automatically shifts into gear. There is (not to degrade love) an "exit interview" as when one is laid off from a job. This is a meeting that allows a question and answer session. In marriage this session may go on for days or weeks. Short of marriage there is an in- person "meeting". A time set aside to air out all the "shortcomings" of the relationship. You are deserving of knowing what "mistakes" were made and how you can avoid them in future relationships! We have to assume that for both, the mental state of mind is healthy. I have had such a relationship, actually with two women whose state of mind was not healthy and when this is the case, all bets are off! You cannot expect "normal" responses to any part of that relationship, let alone an "exit interview".

As to pain from a failed relationship I can, with confidence, say that if your partner ends the relationship with an email and refuses a face to face as in an "exit interview", that person was never yours to begin with and you have lost nothing. The only thing more cold and cruel is a partner ending the relationship with a text message. In any case, never, I mean never allow yourself to feel you have failed. Life experiences happen for a purpose and they become part of who we are today. Experiencing cruelty and disappointments in our life is part of living. Knowing this, you can move on and consider pain as an antibiotic for the soul. When you survive the pain, the dosage of the "disease" (pain) you took on this makes your spirit and soul much stronger. It is almost like you welcomed the pain.

Of all the relationships I have had, there is only one I really wished I had not experienced. It was one that began and ended in 2007. It is the only one which I cannot say I learned from,other then that I will never get involved with a person with so much baggage. This is only because this person never really knew who I was as evident from a very critical and scaling email. One always wishes that regardless of why a relationship ends, that the partner at least knew you and saw the good in you. In the aforementioned relationship that termination process that was not allowed.

While many of us may have experienced such "failures" I have to acknowledge that if it were not for this very dark relationship I referred to above I would not have divorced my wife when I did, ~~ a relationship that had been doomed years prior. Nor would have I found my beloved Regina, ~~ nor would I have become a writer which I always had the ability to be and it was the pain that brought it out of me. The bottom line here my dear fellow humans: Not all is lost when a relationship "fails". It was, is and always will be the bigger plan for you as this was  the path set forth by the enrergies of the universe. Do not lament over turns and bends in the road of life. Look at the experience as end of a chapter in your book of life and know that much more and greater things await for you around the bend of life. Our conciseness is sometimes limited as to why certain events happen which we may not understand. To elevate our conciseness, we must see the good in all and stop focusing on the negative. I HAVE and, ~~ I am the happiest I have ever been in my journey of life today!  You can also be in this bliss, regardless of your past, and present relationships. Always remain true in your love and your love will reappear stronger and deeper than ever before!

Be well in Love, Peace and Light!

 

 

 

 

Visibility: Everyone
Posted: Saturday July 10, 2010, 9:34 am
Tags: love loves lost compassion [add/edit tags]

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Ana Soares (62)
Monday August 2, 2010, 9:20 am
Hi Stephen. One more excellent text. I could see myself in many parts. Thank you for sharing so personal thoughts. May I share this text in my other site?

H Nick H. (1826)
Monday August 2, 2010, 12:54 pm
Beautiful. I like it, as I see much of myself in it.
Thanks for sharing. Nick

Stephen Hill (651)
Monday August 2, 2010, 1:37 pm
Thank you my dear friends. It is my feeling that pain is an antibiotic for the spirit and soul! It is like getting a shot of the decease so you become stronger in your immunity, or better put, understanding of the pain.

Edith P. (1)
Monday August 2, 2010, 2:25 pm
hI Stephen. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It's very helpful to understand the pain.

big hug
Edith P.

Past Member (0)
Monday August 2, 2010, 6:53 pm
Stephen
Thanks for sharing your experiences and how you feel

Jools F. (71)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 1:26 am
Very true and extremely wise words! Thank You Stephen!

Chetna P. (306)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 3:47 am
A bravely honest and beautiful account Stephen. Thank you for sharing x

Pamylle G. (461)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 4:40 am
I bless everyone I was ever involved with in my life, and am still very dear friends with most.

Rebecca Wakeford (0)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 5:54 am
It takes a wise person to look honestly at loves lost, grieving for lost love can be for eternity, a dear friend has tried to commit suicide recently as she has never recovered from the seperation from her husband whom she adored...sometimes words like this can never break through the fog of pain....

(0)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 8:34 am
Not everyone has the wisdom and wit to go this deep about love, and your article definitely deserve recognition and honor.

Dandelion G. (374)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 9:36 am
Thank you for sharing your insights and a glimpse into your life. You Honor us all by doing so and I hope that for someone who needs the words you offer as a way of healing will begin on that path.

The texting goodbye, wow, it seems that is the way of choice for the heartless today, my twenty something daughter has had that happen to her. Another sad reflection upon our society I feel.

I was blessed to have a 22 year marriage to a truly marvelous man, we loved each other more at the end than we did the day we married. I know, it is how I felt and he told me so before he took his journey to the Spirit World. Not all departures end with a break up as you speak on, some go sooner than we like for both parties.

However, it is a new chapter for me, the Walk of the Widow. So I must hold myself together, know the love was sweet and will remain forever in my heart, and Honor my own life, my children, and the one I loved by Walking forward in a good way and do the best I can.

But I would love to taste the sweetness of another relationship such as I had, and my loved one blessed me with a gift before he left.....to not close that door if someone should come knocking. I'm glad you found your Regina.

. (0)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 9:33 pm
Thank you Stephen I have been there to love and loss and to find too. My true Love I will never have. The husband I do have is kind and loving and I do love him and will until the day either I or he expires. If he before I then there will be no more for me. To many bridges that has been burned to go another round. Thanks for sharing your passion with me.

RosemaryRNoFwds Husband in Hospital (632)
Tuesday August 3, 2010, 10:58 pm
Stephen poetic, romantic as always... i wish you blissful love always with your Regina .
Keats: too true !
Love like a prism is so multifaceted!
"To thine own self be true" . Shakespeare

Agapi S. (75)
Friday August 6, 2010, 7:05 am
Another beautiful article from a beautiful passionate person. The Champion for the good of people and Love!
Thank You Stephen for sharing with us your personal life and how you feel, and Yes,
everything happens for a purpose!....
A Relaxed mind,a Peaceful soul,a Joyful spirit,a Healthy body,& a Heart full of love....... All these are my prayers for YOU!!!

MARIA P. (100)
Saturday August 7, 2010, 6:17 am
I couldn't agree more...but sometimes you need your time to get yourself to see these things. When the time passes and you find yourself again, then you realize that among the negatives, there are the positives too. Ευχαριστώ Στέφανε.

EcoWorrier M I A MoonWalk Again (969)
Thursday September 2, 2010, 11:58 pm
Sending a Green Star is a simple way to say "Thank you"
You cannot currently send a star to Stephen because you have done so within the last week.

Ana W. (8)
Saturday November 27, 2010, 11:05 pm
Hi Stephen: I enjoy all your writes- so deep, so sweet, so intelligent; a bounty of meaning and emotion. You are truly a gift that you share so freely. With Love, Ana

Past Member (0)
Monday March 19, 2012, 1:02 pm
Thank you for sharing & blessings to you both

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

Author

Stephen Hill
male , married, 4 children
Redondo Beach, CA, USA
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