START A PETITION 25,136,189 members: the world's largest community for good
START A PETITION
x
Aug 24, 2010

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
 our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. 
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. 
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
 
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.  

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S.  And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.


 

Visibility: Everyone
Posted: Tuesday August 24, 2010, 2:01 pm
Tags: conservativesliberalspoliticspoltical [add/edit tags]

Group Discussions
Comments
Or, log in with your
Facebook account:

Author

Charley Sullivan
male, age 51, married
Louisville, KY, USA
CHARLEY'S SHARES
No shares


SHARES FROM CHARLEY'S NETWORK
Feb
18
(0 comments  |  discussions )
\\n\\r\\nHello my C2 Family, \\r\\nFirst let me say Thank You to those of you who have so sweetly fwd my posts. You are SO AWESOME!! I will never forget your help. Anytime I can repay the favour, please tell me. Second, my Submit button has disappeared lea...
Nov
18
(1 comments  |  discussions )
\\n\\\'\\\'It is horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment.\\\"\\r\\n-An sel Adams photographer\\n
Oct
13
(0 comments  |  discussions )
I posted a story on 10-12-13 called \\\'Brides Throwing Cats\\\' Instead of Flowers.It\\\'s about how ppl photocopy their cats and put them in place of flowers; they do NOT RECOMMEND anyone actually does it.  I tried to make a comment on it a...
Sep
11
(7 comments  |  discussions )
When I was in college, I had several good friends. One, named Bob, was 6\\\'9 and he loved to go to Audies to get beer and drive back to the dorm, where we lived on the campus of Wright State University.One Friday night at around midnight, Bob knocked o...
Aug
14
(1 comments  |  discussions )
I was so happy for a while. I could sign my petitions at the petitionsite, Barb Knight and still be BarbCat here. But today I notice that my name has switched back to Barb Knight. Well.........I\\\'m always up for a good challenge *yes* Happy World...


MORE MESSAGE
Mar 31
Message: what's going on?... by Apolonia P.
(1 comments  |  discussions ) — \\nZEN was suspended by Eric with no warning. We don\\\'t know any reasons nor how long it will last....\\r\\nI asked about it on the forum but my post was immediately deleted. 2 threads and petitions about Zen also. And 2 her help-groups. :-(\\r\\nUntill to... more
Feb 17
Message: Petitions that stop abuse to the speechless by Aza a.
(0 comments  |  discussions ) — \\nCan someone please tell me why petitions that want to end animal abuse,end the on going pain being inflected on the poor helpless animals. Paim that only ends when the animal dies.\\r\\nIs it that the 23 plus million members don\\\'t care or understand ... more
Message: Thanks by Gail B.
(0 comments  |  discussions ) — \\nThank you all for the warm welcome, still learn how to use the site.\\r\\nMay the grounds you set your feet upon be blessed every step of the way.\\n more
Feb 15
Message: My Daughter's Friend Needs Help by Cameron F.
(0 comments  |  discussions ) — \\nThis is Venus Marquez\\\'s friend, Gina Arellano. Venus is a friend of my daughter Nikka.  She seems to be covered in rashes/sores due to possibly chickenpox and needs to raise at least 200 Euros - about $275 US - to cover medical expenses.\\r\\nIf... more
Feb 13
Message: Free Puppy Ads In Terrifying Abundance! by Karen O.
(0 comments  |  0 discussions ) — I was so upset, when on my homepage, in the news section...there appearred, all sorts of advertisements all over, for free puppies...these are surely going to reappear in the future,  as horrific abuse cases.  What is wrong with people? Do t... more
 
Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of Care2.com or its affiliates.