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Oct 29, 2010

Dear Reader, because at the English language there is a difference between she and he, for the purpose of writing this thing, I will use 'he' as the abuser, and 'she' as the victim. That doesn't mean that the 'he' is always the abuser, and 'she' is always the victim. The suggested law supposes that both women/men can be a victim or abuser.
                                                            

Dear Reader, allow me to tell you, that I got Hollii Kenley's permission to use her model, in order to explain better the stages of Domestic Economic Abuse.

Another thing that I need to remark at that part of this post is: that at the case of domestic economic abuse at the rich families, without accepting the law that we are promoting here, there isn't any chance that a victim from a high income family will stay alive.

At that stage I need to remark another thing also. Our organization 'Maka Mezalzelet' started to work at 2006. From the beginning, till now, we are working and living from donations.

We keep contact with each other by email, phone and personal meetings. Most victims uses the phone, email of their friends. Our personal meetings takes place in public parks, and at the offices of given organizations who are kind to us and give us a place to meet.

----

As I see it, at the first, that is at the 'Stage of the outrageous thrift', the victim starts to be 'confused'. But it is very hard for her to explain where this 'confusion' feeling comes from. The victim feels that something wrong, but she can not explain to herself what is wrong.
After all, at our world, 'family finance' is something that based on the understanding the function of 'sharing' the whole family income among the spouses.

I couldn't find any literature that talks about 'dinining proper sharing'. In the real world, that stage is actually the start of financial abuse.

At the second, that is at the 'Stage of extreme stinginess', the victim starts to have that 'worthlessness' feeling, that comes from several places. First, she just don't understand why the f'amily has to live under hard economic situation, when the 'real economic situation' of the family doesn't requere that. But she has no idea how to resolve that problem. From some reason, her own income 'stoppes' or almost stoppes. And even if it doesn't stop, it goes to the 'family savings' that in reality she has not have much 'knowledge' about it.

At the third, that is at the 'Stage of economic terror',  the victim starts to have 'the powerlessness' feeling, becase several things. First, she starts to understand why her family, especially she herself, lives under hard economic situation, when the 'real economic situation' of the family doesn't requere that. She understand her 'economic situation', but she has no idea how to resolve that problem. From some reason, her own income generally 'stoppes'. She also has to learn that her husband took an outragous 'loan' on one of his 'personal bank account' without her knowledge, and consent.
 
She also learns, that eventually she will be the person, probably, that will have to pay that loan back. Of course, just in case when she succedes to stay alive after so many years of domestic economic abuse. And just in case when she finds places that will give her borrow a huge sum, in order to pay back this husge loan.





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Posted: Friday October 29, 2010, 6:26 pm
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Mari Thelander (27)
Friday November 12, 2010, 9:29 am
I'm very sorry. Can't you divorce this loser?

Koty Lapid (1013)
Friday November 12, 2010, 4:46 pm
Dear Mari, thank you so much for your comment. Mari please try to understand our case. I know that it isn't easy to understand. But that is our reality. Please read on:

http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/domesticeconomicabuse

That we say: Please don't forget, currently we are talking about 'victims from the high middle and from the high income families'. So, I think, you can imagine that very few people believe this. We already succeeded to get help for the women/man from the low income families. One more thing, at the moment a woman/man finds out that she/he is going through domestic economic abuse, she/he has to stop working. Because it turns out, that the husband/wife every minute can 'put on her' or him' a 'huge loan' that he/she himself/herself gets out, without the knowledge of his/her spouse.These women/men need financial and emotional help.With this group we hope to raise awareness,funds and find help for them emotionally.This is not the type of group that I usually do,but reading about this has touched a part of me and I feel as though I am being 'called' do this.

Cynthia Scionti (46)
Sunday February 13, 2011, 1:07 pm
I lived under domestic economic abuse conditions, yes, in the United States! Actually, I was physically and psychologically abused too. Reading your blog, I realized that my ex husband controlling all the money, was a form of abuse too. I had to beg for money for new shoes for my children. He gave me enough money each week to buy food for us, that's all. When I knew I was going to divorce him, I starting serving pasta without the meatballs in order to start saving some money. My ex wouldn't go for that and told me to serve meat too. Today he's a millionaire and I'm pinching pennies.
I hope you can divorce this person, live on your own, work and spend that money.
I pray for you and all like you that you can get out of this situation safely.

Koty Lapid (1013)
Sunday February 13, 2011, 9:00 pm
Dear Cyn , thank you so much for your comment. As I wrote the above comment to Mary, allow me to repeat myself. Please try to understand our case. I know that it isn't easy to understand. But that is our reality. Please read on:

http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/domesticeconomicabuse

That Dianne and I say : Please don't forget, currently we are talking about 'victims from the high middle and from the high income families'. So, I think, you can imagine that very few people believe this. We already succeeded to get help for the women/man from the low income families. One more thing, at the moment a woman/man finds out that she/he is going through domestic economic abuse, she/he has to stop working. Because it turns out, that the husband/wife every minute can 'put on her' or him' a 'huge loan' that he/she himself/herself gets out, without the knowledge of his/her spouse.These women/men need financial and emotional help.With this group we hope to raise awareness, funds and find help for them emotionally.This is not the type of group that I usually do [Dianne says] ,but reading about this has touched a part of me and I feel as though I am being 'called' do this.

Mike N. (5)
Wednesday May 25, 2011, 6:12 am
I would like to help and I have some vague idea what all this is about but not enough details. Sometimes in a relationship where there is no abuse whatsoever; one person controls the money simply because he or she is better at it and if the budget requires precision handling to get the bills paid and make it through each week or month and hopefully save a little, then the partner with the best skills needs to handle family financial matters. Both partners usually agree on this.

I have excellent spelling and grammar skills and will work cheap but not free. You can contact me through the Care2 site. Thanks.

Koty Lapid (1013)
Wednesday May 25, 2011, 9:52 pm
Hi Mike, in order to understand better our situation please read on our group page all what we already published. Thank you, Koty

sheila d. (10)
Friday October 21, 2011, 11:05 pm
she needs financial consultant

Koty Lapid (1013)
Friday October 21, 2011, 11:29 pm
Hi Sheila, first thank you for your comment. Second, please let me allow to tell you that in order to understand better our situation please read on our group page all what we already published. Thank you, Koty

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Koty Lapid
female, age 114, married, 2 children
Tel Aviv, Israel
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