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Nov 6, 2010

Name:Male Survivors of Abuse
Type:Tribute (for the living)
To Honor:Individual(s)
Location:, United States
This is a tribute blog for the BFF - 71 series, for the recurring dreams... and I'm taking a slightly different direction again.

This is a dream, that I wish could come true, but unfortunately, it's not something that can happen overnight. This is a recurring dream, similar to Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream, where he wanted equality for all people regardless of race. Mine is to end the abuse of all people.

Mind you, our system is screwed up, and granted, most of our abuse victims are women, and most of us don't get the justice we deserve when bad things happen. But unfortunately, there is a whole new category of abuse victims that are lost... virtually invisible. This would be our Unacknowledged Survivors of Abuse, our men, who represent a minority of abuse victims, and because abuse is always traumatic, this is why I'm sponsoring the Sean's Voice Petition.

I came across Elizabeth, Sean's Grandma about 2 years ago here on myspace. She is the true voice of baby Sean. Here is a synopsis.

Sean died at the hands of his mother, for simply being a boy, so basically no reason what so ever. He died at the hands of his mother, who had inflicted blunt force trauma to his head, which killed him. The sad part is, for most of his life, his mother abused him. You can read more of the story from Sean's Grandma Elizabeth HERE. He wasn't quite 3 years of age... and the precious boy died for a poor excuse for a mother. And no, no one makes excuses for the dad about not doing enough, but more or less ensuring that when abuse is present, too many bad things can happen.

Now many of us may ask, "What about the father?" Yes, what about him? He would work full time, sometimes taking on extra part time jobs, to make ends meet. Not that this is an excuse, but, sometimes I wonder if it's easier for dads to be blind to the abuse than some of the moms... I will get back to that, and it's so odd to find a mom that would abuse her own children, that it's often abhorring. The very person that gives us life... who is supposed to fight to the death protecting her young... abusing the very precious life that was given? Who would think, since we carry them for 9 months or form a strong bond in some other way... It's so not normal that it's shocking, and it almost seems as if the gender of the child is irrelevant, just that moms aren't supposed to hurt their kids that way, much less kill them because our children are a part of us. Yet we hear too often about the step father or live in boyfriend who abuses a child to death, and we get infuriated that the mother would allow that. So now she is also held responsible for the abuse/death as well. As it should.

Thing is, when the mother and children are being abused, and it seems to matter not who calls the police... and when they arrive, one of two things happen. The man gets arrested, while the mom and children get to stay in the house. Or, the man gets detained while mom and child(ren) get packed and transported to the nearest shelter. Good. It should happen like this, because it helps protect the innocent. Yet okay, lets turn it around, coming back to this situation... Sean's father was the one being abused. Yes, this mild mannered man, even though he's big, was being abused by his female mate, especially when he tried to leave with his son. The mother would scream, shout, everything - even start full blown tantrums to the point she had self inflicted marks and would call 9-1-1 on him, and when the police arrive, would arrest him, leaving the children unprotected with her. Because she had marks on her, the authorities figured she had been abused, so he got arrested... The mother would often coerce her daughter, Sean's big sister, to help in the abuse. Yet the father trying to protect them would be taken away because the authorities saw it as him trying to rip the babies right from their mother's arms, even though she was the abuser... yes, our system is messed up, which is part of the reason I'm here. I want the madness to stop.

The father was, btw, arrested and also served time as well, for not doing enough to protect his son. The older sister as well as the baby daughter born subsequent to the mother being arrested have both been adopted to a different couple who are raising them as their own. The mother is not allowed to have contact. I don't think the father is allowed at this point either, and while we can all agree that maybe he could have tried to do other things, such as file a court document, call the police himself, or CPS to go while he's at work, what have you... Though being abused often has a way of making one insecure and doubts that any good justice can come about, I'm hoping people can see the dilemma here, rather than accuse him of "allowing his son to die" as I've had someone accuse before, and actually turned it into a drama. I personally don't understand why... abuse is no laughing matter, and a child died. If being a voice for these deceased children who have been killed at the hands of their parents is a crime, I plead guilty to the maximum degree.

Anyway, for those of you who may not know, here is a short list from Male Survivor about the Myths & Facts about male abuse. I hope you will all have a look, because it's important to understand that males are victims too, and often don't have a place to go to get shelter, help, support, etc... I find this sad. This is the reason why I want to push getting Help 4 Guys. Just remember, 1 in 6 boys are sexually molested by the time they're 18. If male to female abuse is going on, and he files divorce, there is a higher likelihood that she will murder him, rather than the other way around.

Please don't forget to visit Youth Voice Initiative page on Sean's Voice, and don't forget to read all the way to the bottom, there is a LOT of info there. Have a look around, and don't forget to go to the action page to sign other petitions there.

I have a (recurring) dream, and I'd like it to end up being a success story, rather than just a dream. April's Law will be introduced in the Wisconsin Assembly this upcoming January. A full petition would be nice to submit... It's a gruesome process, but someone has to do it. Thank you for your support. Have a blessed weekend!
Visibility: Everyone
Posted: Saturday November 6, 2010, 1:44 am
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Lika S.
female, age 45, married, 2 children
Racine, WI, USA
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